COTE Fanfic(lol)

Eyes that Reflect No Light

This takes place in Volume 11, chapter 6 'A Man's Tears' and it will be written in Hirata's perspective.
Shout out to MandisenSunnar for suggesting this.

Hirata POV

After the incident with Koenji and Mii-chan, I had decided to set off in the other direction. I couldn't care less what they did.

The Class Vote special exam had already passed and the dawn of a new one was near. My classmates were all probably busy getting ready along with every other class, but I didn't care.

'I couldn't save him'
[It couldn't be helped]

'It's my fault'
[It was completely his mistake]

'If only it had been me..'
[He had it coming]

Conflicting thoughts slowly clouded my mind as I sat on a bench. I didn't go back to the dorms or the school so as to not encounter the people I knew, I just want to be left alone...

"Hirata."

A familiar voice betrayed my wish. I looked up to see the person who had called out to me.

"Ayanokouji-kun..."

"Can you spare some time?"

He was a classmate that reminded me of my old self a bit, blending into the background, and not standing out.

Although his expression never seemed to change and no one could get a read on him, I knew that he was a reliable person based on what I've seen with Karuizawa-san.

"I thought you'd be able to understand me Ayanokouji-kun, but it seems I was wrong... I'm sick of people coming to me and trying to console me, I just want to be left alone."

I didn't feel like listening to the same things over and over again, so I had hoped to shut him down with these words, but-

"Sorry for betraying your expectations, but if you don't like it then just push me away like you did everyone else."

As much as I wanted to, I couldn't bring myself to do it, rather, I didn't have the energy.

"Spare some time huh? Well I don't have the strength to push you away so I guess I have to... but I don't think you should waste your time doing this."

This pattern has already played out dozens of times already.
'It's okay, it's not your fault.'
'There's nothing you could have done'

Each time they would say the same thing, but I wished that they would leave me alone. I was preparing to hear a familiar statement become audible to my ears, but contrary to my expectations-

"Tell me your story. What made you the way you are now with your values and beliefs?"

"Eh?"

I was caught off guard by the unexpected question.

"Why would I need to tell you about my past?"

"Well, I guess you could say I'm curious."

"I don't have the energy to be telling you about my childhood, besides you should already know."

I had already told Ayanokouji-kun about my past on the cruise, most of it.

"Don't have the energy you say? Why's that?"

"Thats..."

"Hm?"

After a moment of silence, I told my reason.

"It's because Yamauchi-kun got expelled."

"..."

"You're making me say some horrible things here."