to fall or not to fall

devenity

TRIGGER WARNING!!

This book contains detailed accounts of suic*ide, s*lf - h*rm, and mental disorders. The trigger words will not be censored. Please do not read if any of the above are triggers for you.

The book also doesn't use the rules of capitalizing the beginning of each sentence, this is to convey the expressions and emotions of the character.
Thanks.

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my name is devenity miller. i'm seventeen, and my life is shit.

i wish i was never born. sometimes i want to kill myself, but i can't cos im a fucking pussy.

so yeah. i guess i'm stuck in this shitty world with all these shitty people.

i don't want to die all the time, though. sometimes, i am alright. not happy, or fine, or okay... i'm just, neutral.

does that even make sense? well it does to me.

i have tried, in the past, to tell people about how i feel. i stopped. they never understand.

"oh don't be sad", they say.

"you have a roof over your head. you have parents who provide for you, so how can you say you're depressed?"

"goodness, devenity. don't be ungrateful"

sad? ungrateful? lol.

i don't feel sadness. i am sadness. i am depressed. i am fighting my demons and i'm scared they'll win.

this isn't your normal type of sickness. my "mind" is sick. my brain is tired. my body is weak. my soul is slowly losing its light.

but i dare not tell anyone this.

"how are you doing, devenity?

" i'm fine, thanks. you? "