Forever and Always (Book 2)

Forever and Always II - CHAPTER 5

It's another cold and gloomy day, ani Erika sa isip at napayakap sa sarili nang mapasulyap sa labas ng bintana mula sa silid. It's already eight in the morning but it's still dark. The sun kept hiding behind the thick clouds for the past few days and it makes her feel sadder than she already is.

Why is she in this cold place anyway? Napatingin siya sa picture nila ni Alex na nakasabit sa dingding. It was the picture of them five years ago. That happy winter is long gone. Both of them were wearing warm smiles. She could still remember how happy she was that winter. Too bad sad winter is here. Too bad, she couldn't even fake a smile.

It's exactly one month since they got married. Wasn't happy ever after always follow after the wedding? Tanong ng isip. Yeah, in fairy tales. Not in real life. Sagot naman ng isang bahagi ng utak.

Napabuntong-hininga siya nang mapatitig sa kama. There was never a time they shared a bed.  Alex is either too tired or too drunk to make it to bed or too disgusted to be with her. He always sleeps on the couch. Kahit hindi ito komportableng nakabaluktot ang katawan, doon ito palaging natutulog. Nang minsang inaya niya itong matulog sa kama'y sininghalan lang siya nito.

Napabuntong-hininga siya ulit nang mapasulyap sa picture ni Gwen. Hindi man lang iyon niligpit ng asawa. Was he proud having a beautiful mistress? Hindi man lang ba nito naisip na paulit-ulit siyang nasasaktan kapag nakikita ang mukha ng babae nito sa mismong silid nila? Hindi niya alam kung sadyang manhid si Alex sa nararamdaman niya o talagang wala itong pakialam kahit masaktan siya. Sa tuwing late itong umuuwi at tinatanong niya kung saan ito nanggaling, tanging "Gwen" lang ang sagot nito. He even can't construct a simple sentence. Madalas tango o iling lang ang sinasagot nito. Kapag tinatanong naman niya kung  kamusta ang araw nito'y kibit-balikat lang ang sagot.

The good thing is they are not fighting. Paano sila mag-aaway kung halos hindi naman siya kinikibo ng asawa? Tagusan rin ito kung tumingin. Hindi niya alam kung matutuwa ba siya. Ayaw niyang magsigawan sila pero hindi rin naman niya gustong hindi siya nito kinakausap. Alex seemed a different person now. There are times she looked at him and she couldn't find the old Alex, the one who loves her, the one who never wanna see her hurting, the one who always wants to be close to her.

Now she knows how it feels to be ghosted. Pakiramdaman niya'y nagiging multo na siya at gusto niyang magparamdam sa asawa. Ngunit hindi niya alam kung paano kukunin ang loob nito. She wished she can just go through these walls and just disappear. Baka sakaling kapag nawala siya'y hahanapin siya ng asawa.

What went wrong? Napailing siya. Her marriage is doomed because of a hug. Things could have been better if Alex didn't see her hug Lance. She had seen Alex mad but not that mad. She flinched as she recalled how he punched Lance. He can't blame him if he's angry. Alam niyang bumalik ang insecurity nito kay Lance. But no matter how hard she explained that it was just a platonic hug, Alex would never listen. Lance had been his confidant and her closest friend and Alex knew that but he was just too mad to listen. He was too jealous.

He was hurt. Alex becomes a jerk whenever he is hurt. Alam niya iyon. Dahil kilala na niya ang kababata. Hindi niya alam kung gaano ito nasaktan. She knows that he is still hurting because he isn't just being a jerk, he has become a monster. At nasasaktan siyang nakikitang nagdurusa ito. Para sa simpleng yakap? Tinanggap niya nga ng buo na magkakaanak ito sa ibang babae, di ba?

Maybe Lance was right. She should have cleared this thing between them. Dapat nilinaw niya ang papel ni Gwen sa buhay nila. She should have set boundaries. But she did not. Pikit-mata siyang umoo sa kasal. Pikit-mata rin siyang sumama sa New York. Her parents were shocked and she was sorry for hurting them. But her priorities changed when she vowed to love Alex. She just didn't want her marriage to end just because of that stupid misunderstanding.