Forever and Always (Book 2)

Forever and Always II - CHAPTER 13

He saw Pepper standing at the bedroom door looking at him with pain in her eyes. Ganoon na lang ang pagdagsa ng kaba sa dibdib niya.

"Did I just hear something I shouldn't?" she asked in a stern voice. "You thought I was pregnant without confronting me?"

Wala siyang maapuhap na sasabihin lalo nang makita niya ang sakit sa mga mata nito. F*ck! He's hurting her again!

"For God's sake, Alex, talk! This is why our relationship is a mess because you always keep things to yourself!"

"I was too angry to talk..." aniya nang sa wakas ay matagpuan ang boses. "Too hurt," aniyang gumuhit ang sakit sa dibdib nang maalala ang naramdaman niya nang araw na iyon. "I felt I died that day, Pepper."

"Bullsh*t, Alex! You had me suffer since that day!" Marahas nitong pinahid ang luhang pumapatak sa mata. "I knew about Gwen's pregnancy and what did I do? I held on to you! I married you! I didn't even know she was your sister!" Nakagat nito ang pang-ibabang labi sa pagpipigil na umiyak. "You see now the difference between you and me, Alex?" anitong pigil ang paghikbi. "I chose to love even when I thought you cheated on me. Hindi lang isang beses. Sa maraming pagkakataon, I chose to love you. But you... you chose to hurt me," anitong tuluyan ng napahagulhol.

Akmang yayakapin niya ito ngunit marahas siya nitong itinulak.

"Please," tanging sabi nito at mabilis na pumasok sa silid. Narinig niya ang paglagitik ng lock ng pinto.

Napasuntok siya ng malakas sa sementadong dingding. He is so angry at himself. Nanumbalik sa isipan niya ang mga nangyari sa nakalipas na buwan. His teeth clenched at his cruelty towards his wife. Napapikit siya ng mariin at paulit-ulit na umiling. How could he make Pepper's life a living hell? Napamura siya ng malakas. Wala siyang ginawang tama!

He jumped into conclusion without confronting his wife when he knew about her pregnancy. He didn't even give her the benefit of the doubt. He just got mad. He was too furious with what he heard that he felt nothing but hatred. He was too jealous. He was too hurt that he wanted to hurt her back. He just punished his wife for something she had not done. He was thirsty for vengeance. He thought it would make him feel better inside. He didn't know it would hurt him each time she was in tears. He didn't know it would make him miserable. All because he was too damn stupid! If he had only confronted her then she wouldn't have suffered and he wouldn't have been miserable. He wouldn't have felt this pain that makes him want to scream. To think that she thought he cheated yet easily forgave him, made him feel like a beast.

He thought he deserved a pat on the back for being able to overcome his hatred for what she had done. He felt good that he was able to decide to forgive his wife and just forget the past. But what is there to forgive? Gusto niyang matawa sa sarili niya. Siya ang may malaking kasalanan sa asawa. Hindi niya alam kung mapapatawad siya nito dahil hindi niya alam kung mapapatawad ba niya ang sarili niya.

Now that he could see clearly the extent of what he has done, he knows that he doesn't deserve her forgiveness. He doesn't deserve her love and affection. He doesn't deserve her at all. His realization just came too late. Nasaktan na niya ng husto ang asawa.

Naramdaman niya ang mainit na likidong pumatak sa pisngi. He just caused his own destruction. He just unsheathed the sword that is meant to cut through his heart. Nanghihinang napa-upo sa sahig. How can he make things right? How can he undo his mistakes? How can he win Pepper back? Because he doesn't want to give her up. He is not willing to let her go.

Hindi na siya dinalaw ng antok. Magdamag siyang binagabag ng konsensiya. But no matter how he loathes himself, he couldn't bring back the time that was lost. He had to take responsibility of his mistake. He will accept all kinds of punishment she will give him to atone for his misgivings. Iyon lang ang naisip niyang paraan para pagbayaran ang kasalanan niya. Kahit tratuhin siya nitong alipin, okay lang. Kahit saktan siya nito, okay lang. He will let her do whatever makes her happy. Susundin niya ang lahat ng gusto nito at matiyaga siyang maghihintay hanggang sa mapatawad siya nito. He will serve her and show his love for her until his last breath. Maghihintay siya hanggang sa maghilom ang sugat na dinulot niya sa puso nito. Tatanggapin niya ang galit nito. Tatanggapin niya lahat ng galing dito. Hanggang sa maging karapat-dapat siyang muli sa pagmamahal nito.