Hold Me Now (Levi X Male!Reader)

Spec Ops Squad

Music 》[Forever - Red]

Petra POV

Dinner that evening was a bit awkward when (Name) joined our table. Sure, it had all been Oruo's fault for knocking the bucket of dirty water out the window but I still felt bad for what happened since he'd seemed so angry about it. But everyone was still stressed after the last expedition. We lost a lot of good people out there and from what I had heard from Levi, (Name) had lost his entire squad while he'd made it home safely. The poor guy probably felt as if it was all his fault and it was likely plaguing his every waking moment. I knew I would feel that way if I were in his situation.

"Squad Leader (Name) will be joining us for the next expedition. We'll get to work with extra group training starting tomorrow." Levi announced to the table from beside me once he finished his cup of tea. I glanced across the table at the man in question, ignoring Oruo's complaint from my other side. He looked lost in thought, not even acknowledging Levi’s announcement as he picked at the stew in his dinner bowl. "(Name), are you alright?" I decided to speak up in a concerned tone that was particularly soft in hopes to gain his attention. It seemed to work because he paused and set his spoon back in the bowl and looked up to me, slightly confused but the look passed quickly and was replaced by a clearly forced smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just not very hungry right now."

I frowned, the rest of us were pretty much done with our dinners but (Name) had barely touched his at all. What bothered me the most was that I knew if I told him he needed to eat he wouldn't listen because even though he was part of our squad under Levi right now, he still ranked higher than me. And we hardly knew each other so that wouldn't help my case any. So I cast Levi a sideways look that he raised his eyebrow at, gently kicking the side of his foot and directing my gaze back to (Name) who was back to picking idly at his dinner. A small sigh passed his lips and I stood, gathering my dishes along with Oruo's empty ones. "Eld, Gunter, let's go finish cleaning up the empty rooms on the second floor so we don't have to do them tomorrow after training." The two boys nodded in agreement and picked up their own dishes. I got another complaint from Oruo who got up to chase after me, leaving Levi and (Name) alone at the table.

Levi POV

Now that I looked at him, (Name) did look awfully distracted. That would be no good for our upcoming expedition. "(Name), eat your dinner. I dont need you passing out during training tomorrow morning." I said in a warning tone that easily caught his attention. He perked up and looked at me in slight surprise before letting out a defeated sigh and beginning to eat his stew that had long since gone cold. "Look, kid, I know how you feel about what happened to your squad. They're gone and you can't change that fact. You can't bring them back."

"I know that. But that doesn't change the fact I could have, should have done more to try and save Felicity. I just sat there and watched her get ripped apart. I should have done something before that titan had the chance to kill her like that." He interrupted me and I narrowed my eyes at him, earning a meek look from the male across the table. "You can't change the past. But you can make sure that their deaths weren't for nothing. Turn their sacrifices into your own strength out there. If you die, their sacrifice to save your life will mean nothing. Is that what you want? To be distracted by the past out on an expedition and become titan food? Is that what your squad would want? Think about it. And bring more tea to my office after you finish your dinner."

With that, I left the table and returned promptly to my office, allowing him some time alone to think on the conversation we just had. He had been with the scouts for a longer time than most normal soldiers or even most other squad leaders but this was the first time he had ever lost an entire squad in one expedition into titan territory. And though I didn't know the specifics of his relationships with his squad members, if it was affecting him this badly even after more than a week had passed, they must have been like family to him. That I could relate to. I had been a wreck internally after losing Isabel and Farlan on my very first expedition beyond Wall Maria. They had been family to me and now, despite trying to keep myself closed off and protected, my current squad was like a new perfectly dysfunctional family to me.

~~~~

It was much later into the evening before (Name) came knocking on my office door announcing that he'd brought tea. I wasn't exactly surprised that he took his own sweet time after dinner to come here, but even so, nearly midnight was pushing it a bit. "Come in." I called from where I sat on my couch, legs crossed lazily as I read over some papers for the upcoming expedition. The door creaked open and closed quietly and (Name) brought the tray with freshly brewed tea in a pot and two empty cups over to the coffee table in front of me, setting it down. "I thought about what you said... You're right. I shouldn't be dwelling on the past and my lost friends. I should be taking their sacrifices and pushing myself to get better so that I can properly avenge them and give their memories proper meaning."

I set my papers to the side of the tray on the table and uncrossed my legs, pouring myself a cup of tea as well as one for (Name). "Sit. Have some tea." The man was a bit hesitant but still sat down beside me on the couch and picked up the extra cup of hot tea to have a sip. He didnt speak further and though I'm sure I could have struck up more conversation, this silence felt right. His posture was much more relaxed than it had been at dinner, his eyes held a bright spark of determination to them once again. And he let out a long, rather contented sounding sigh after he had another sip of his tea. I sipped mine as well and picked up my papers once more in my free hand to continue reading them over.

We sat there for nearly an hour, finishing off the pot of tea between us while he just tried to relax a bit and I read some more of my paperwork I had yet to complete. There wasn't much for conversation, and (Name) never complained about the silence, nor did he look uncomfortable. With each occasional glance I took at him, I noticed him growing more and more exhausted, so when I found him fast asleep curled up against the opposite arm of the couch as I finished reading over the last of my paperwork, I wasn't surprised.

I stood and quietly went about putting away my papers and bringing the tea tray back to the kitchens before returning with an extra blanket. (Name)'s eyes fluttered open slightly when I placed the blanket over his sleeping form. His bleary eyes found mine and he shifted to pull the blanket around him a bit more before they closed again and I shook my head in mild amusement. He may be 23, but right now he looked like nothing more than some sleepy child trying to snuggle up into his blanket. I crouched down beside the couch so I was face to face with his sleeping form now that he'd laid down properly on the length of the couch. "Live for today, fight for tomorrow. That's what Felicity would have wanted you to do." My voice was barely a whisper as I fixed the top of the blanket so that it was pulled right up to his chin. He didn’t respond and I didn't expect him to. He was asleep, but it was something he needed to hear, even if only his subconscious would pick it up.

With a small sigh, I stood and went to my attached bedroom to get some rest as well. And as I lay there in my bed trying to fall asleep, I couldn't help but allow myself a moment of solemn reflection on the past, recent and distant. I had taken the time spent with Isabel and Farlan for granted and never realized it until they were ripped away from me so suddenly by those disgusting creatures. These past few weeks with my new squad and with (Name) had been interesting to say the least. In a good way. I had enjoyed my time spent with them so far, and I was looking forward to the next couple of weeks before the next expedition. It was comfortable times like this that I wished would never end. Times where everyone was safe and warm in their beds and there was no fear of imminent death looming over the day...