You're Not a Horse, Harry!

Number 1

Number 1

The one with the bow was grinning in a way that meant he hadn’t seen something as entertaining as this in a long time. The pretty, red-haired one looked like she wanted to grin in a similar way but had more control to keep her features schooled in something approximating mild curiosity.

“So you’re my dad,” Harry said to the large, blond one. The one with the hammer. Supposedly a god, even.

“Yes, I have conceived you myself!” His ‘father’ said with a huge, beaming smile.

“With your brother,” Harry said very slowly, very carefully. “Who is apparently my mother.” Harry gave the tall dark-haired one a good, long look. Yes, there were similarities between their features, even Harry could see that. Hair, eye-colour, the shape of their nose and mouth.

The big, beefy one with the shield lowered his head into his hands and released a deep sigh that conveyed a generous amount of wariness and disbelief. Beside him on the couch the brown-haired one with the glasses calmly sipped a steaming mug of tea. Harry could do with some tea right about now.

How was he ever going to explain this to Ron and Hermione, to Sirius and Dumbledore? If it even was true, since Harry still had his doubts. As far as he was concerned, James and Lily were his parents, end of story.

“Ah, yes,” his ‘father’ said after a few awkward moments of complete silence. “Loki played a prank, disguising himself as a woman, and afterwards, after you were born, our father was not amused and had you taken away. We did not know where you were taken, but we have looked for you.”

Harry released a snort. “So Loki put on a dress and somehow he got pregnant? Is that what happened?”

The cocky one with the goatee, the one who had all but kidnapped Harry from the Dursleys just as he had returned home from a disastrous fourth year at Hogwarts, stepped up to Harry and clapped him on the shoulder. “Chin up, kid. The last time Loki popped out a sprog he was a horse. Imagine, you could have ended up with eight legs and spent the rest of your life carrying your asshole grandfather into battle instead of what you got now.”

Yeah, Harry had nothing coherent to say to that.