You're Not a Horse, Harry!

Chapter 17

Number 17

Clint and Natasha were sitting in the cockpit of the Quinjet that flew them home. The rest of the Avengers had stayed in New York to hold down the fort. Natasha winked at Harry and Clint offered him a high-five.

While they travelled across the ocean at enormous speeds, everyone urged Harry to talk about all the things that had happened at school, so Harry told them about Quidditch, about Ron becoming keeper and Malfoy trying to sabotage their games through a lively showtune.

“Sing it!” Tony demanded with a wicked grin.

Harry felt his cheeks heat. “No, I’m not going to sing it,” he muttered, ducking his head and staring at his knees.

“Haraldr,” his father said seriously from his seat beside Harry. “You cannot regale us with tales of a song used to fight your allies without treating us to a performance of this song.”

“Come on, kid, we wanna hear it!” Clint called from the cockpit.

So very slowly, very quietly, Harry sang ‘Weasley is our King’, while Tony held up his phone which Harry was pretty sure meant he was being filmed.

“Bravo!” Thor yelled, clapping Harry on the back so hard he almost fell off his seat. Both Clint and Natasha were applauding from the cockpit and Loki gave Harry a proud smile. “Now we shall all sing it!” And with that, Thor started bellowing “Weasley cannot save a thing, he cannot block a single ring, that’s why Slytherins all sing, Weasley is our King.”

At once Clint and Tony joined him, followed soon after by Natasha and Loki. Harry looked around the Quinjet and wondered what Malfoy would make of the fact that two gods and a bunch of muggles were taking possession of his song. After being nudged in his side by his father, Harry joined in on the singing.

That’s how they landed on Avengers tower, where everyone was standing on the landing deck waiting for them. They got some strange looks as they exited the Quinjet while loudly singing, but that didn’t last very long as everyone surged forward to clap Harry on the shoulder and back, welcoming him home. Ms Pepper Potts even gave him a brief hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Bucky offered Harry a plate with five cupcakes on it, covered in dogshit.

Seriously, the cupcakes looked like five chihuahuas had deposited perfect little round, brown turds on each of them.

“I made these for you,” Bucky said with a small, slightly awkward smile. Harry wasn’t sure if he’d ever even seen Bucky smile before. It really made him look…something. “They’re vanilla cakes with a mocha buttercream topping. Piped it on myself. Agatha has been telling me to create stuff.”

“Who’s Agatha?” Harry asked, suddenly worried Bucky had found a girlfriend and wondering why that thought upset him so much.

“My therapist,” Bucky said, gaze not meeting Harry’s. “She’s convinced that if I do enough occupational therapy and stuff I won’t want to kill people anymore.”

“And is it working?” Harry asked while accepting the plate.

Bucky shrugged. “So far, so good.”

“Ah.” Thor stepped up beside Harry. “I see the Soldier of Winter has made you an offering of his excellent baked goods. He has been hoarding these like a dragon hoards gold ever since he started baking. I have only had the pleasure of tasting one of his creations before.” And Thor gave Harry an expectant look.

Harry, still dubious if the little brown turds were edible at all, offered the plate to his father. “Want one?”

“Yes, thank you, son.” Thor snatched up a cupcake, took an enormous bite, and groaned in obvious pleasure.

“Yeah, don’t mind if I do,” Tony said, reaching for a cupcake, but Bucky gave him such a vicious snarl that Tony quickly snatched his hand back.

“Just Dad,” Harry said, holding the plate closer to his chest. “He did bring down the house, after all.”

“Just be careful, kid,” Sam said, standing beside Steve. “That buttercream has about eighty thousand calories. I swear, I ate two of those once, gained twenty pounds and my wings didn’t fit anymore.” Sam narrowed his eyes. “On second thought, Barnes probably did that on purpose.”

Bucky snickered while casting a brief glance at Sam.

“I’m onto you!” Sam pointed his finger first at his eyes and then at Bucky.

Meanwhile, Harry grabbed a cupcake and took a tentative bite. Holy crap. Like, literally, since the buttercream really did look like little turds, but it was so good! Harry moaned and for some reason, Bucky blushed, but Harry ignored him and ate the rest of the cupcake with his eyes closed.

“Is anyone else feeing a little dirty, watching a fifteen-year-old making those kinds of noises?” Tony wondered out loud.

“Tony, really,” Pepper scolded while grabbing Tony by the elbow and leading him inside. “Harry, don’t spoil your appetite with Bucky’s baking. We’re having pizza later for a welcome home dinner.”

“Yeah, okay,” Harry replied, tempted beyond belief just to finish the whole plate of cupcakes but controlling himself. “I’ll save them for after dinner. They’re one of the best things I’ve ever had.”

Bucky’s cheeks were glowing and he nodded, smiled very briefly, and hurried inside the tower.

To deal with the jetlag and time difference, Harry unpacked his trunk, let Hedwig out of her cage so she could use the elaborate parrot perch with different levels Jarvis had gotten her during the summer, and took a nap until his mother came to wake him up for dinner.

The whole dining table was covered in pizza boxes and everyone was walking around with plates and napkins and glasses of soda and bottles of beer. Harry had discovered the delicacy that was New York pizza during the summer and had quickly proclaimed it his favourite food.

“So, meet any cute girls while at school?” Clint asked him with an expectant smile as he sat down opposite Harry.

Behind them, Bucky walked into a door, his metal elbow leaving a significant dent.

Harry swallowed his bite of pepperoni pizza. “Well, there is one girl, Cho Chang, she’s real pretty, and she asked me to Hogsmeade, but she kept crying the whole time.”

“There is so much I want to say right now, but I’m worried about traumatizing the kid,” Tony said to Pepper, who rolled her eyes in response.

“Why was she crying?” Pepper asked with a kind smile.

“Er…her boyfriend died last year and I guess she’s still sad about that,” Harry said with a shrug. His whole date with Cho had been awkward and he hadn’t enjoyed it very much. “She wanted to talk about him a lot while we were in Hogsmeade.”

“Ah, you’re the rebound guy,” Tony said wisely, while Clint nodded in agreement. Even Natasha looked like she thought Tony was making a good point. “Don’t bother with that one, kid. She’s looking for a distraction, not a boyfriend.”

“That’s a little harsh, isn’t it?” Steve said while narrowing his eyes at Tony. “She’s hurting because she lost someone she loved.”

Harry felt decidedly weird having all the Avengers discuss his one stupid date with Cho.

“It’s not harsh,” Bucky suddenly said from where he stood in the middle of the room, pizza box in hand. Steve looked at him in surprise. “Harry deserves to be someone’s first choice, not their second.” When everyone turned to stare at him, for a moment Bucky looked like he wanted to draw a few weapons to deal with whatever conflict he was seeing, but in the end he turned on his heels, walked into the same door again, and finally managed to leave the room.

“What’s with him?” Harry asked no one in particular.

“Oh, there is so much I want to say right now,” Tony said while grinning like a loon.

“Don’t you dare,” Pepper told him with a vicious glare.