My Poetry Outlet

5: Control

Stay calm
Stay in control
If you let your guard down
Do it on your own terms

I'm scared to let you in
To feel a hint of the unknown
Thinking I'm safe
Close to the sanctuary I'm so used to and I trust
I think of it as my own home
But as I reach for the door
The floor is slipped from under me
I'm at my weakest
Everything I know is gone
I'm an atom in an unknown huge world

First my footing
Then all sound
Finally everything in front of me
Everyone I know
You feel you're cared for
In a crowd of large numbers
But the moment it matters most
All backs are turned from you
What's worse is it is what's inside of me
I'm quite literally my own enemy

I don't scream
But it aches for air
It's the shortest but deadliest trip
Nothing is around me
No time, no space
But my mind is fully awake
Where will I land?
Will I make it out okay?
Will I make it out at all?
Every second lowers my chances
And lowers me by another inch

My throat burns
There's no sound
But finally a familiar feel

You're struggling for my grip
I should feel safe
But I'm worrying if you'll get me out in time

The countdown is shorter
I feel the wind
Then nothing
I see the edge
But it teases me
Finally I hear those around me
And feel you find the right grip
Still
so few notice me
It's only after the damage is done
People care to ask, are you okay?

Jump back in you'll be okay
They don't feel the aching knife in my back
Or the whimpers my dry throat make
Even as I'm back in my sanctuary again
If I don't regain control
My inner enemy
Would have choked and consumed me
I try to breathe to live
I find a way
But only time can ache the pain

Author's Intention: This poem is about a drowning experience I had in the deep end of a pool. People may think it's about trusting someone after a bad relationship and yes it is about the trust issues I felt after, but not about a specific person.

This is the poem that made me truly love poetry. I can write about what I want and it's open for interpretation. However, it's what made me want to "publish" them, because I wanna read people's reactions to what they first thought it was about. How it impacts them, could you relate to it even if it's not about my specific intention? Shoutout to my friends who I read this to months ago and gave me their initial analysis.

The beginning is my first time being in a body of water again, I was at a lake and trying to float. I was scared because I felt water going into my ear and I panicked. The irony is that we humans are made of mostly water but it can literally kill us, therefore, that's what the line "I'm quite literally my own enemy" is referring to.

"It's the shortest but deadliest trip" Is how quick it can all happen. Before I knew it I was engulfed in the water. My senses were gone and I felt like "an atom in an unknown world," I imagined being in the ocean. No matter how much water is around me I still felt alone. I try to describe the loneliness, the fear, and abandonment I felt. As well as the after effects when I was finally saved. I was at a pool party and crazy to think that while I was struggling for my life, everyone was around having fun, not noticing me at all. I am still scared to go back in the water but it only takes time.

That's my tangent, (hope I used that right). I could go on about this poem and what each line is referring to. Hope you like it, and yes I have not run out of poems yet thank goodness (for those of you still reading.)

-LA Song