Chandler bings twin sister

Episode 6 seaon 1

"Ooh! Look! Look! Look! Look, there's Joey's picture! This is so exciting!" Rachel speaks up looking through the program.
"You can always spot someone who's never seen one of his plays before. Notice, no fear, no sense of impending doom..." I start reading chandlers mind.
"The exclamation point in the title scares me. Y'know, it's not just Freud, it's Freud!" Phoebe says gesturing. The lights dim.
"Oh, shhh, shh. Magic is about to happen." Ross says. The lights go up on the stage, Joey, as Freud, is talking to a female patient.
"Vell, Eva, ve've done some excellent vork here, and I vould have to say, your pwoblem is qviiite clear." Joey starts. He goes into a song and dance number.
"All you want is a dingle,
What you envy's a schwang,
A thing through which you can tinkle,
Or play with, or simply let hang..." Joey sings.
"God. I feel violated." Rachel speaks up.
"Did anybody else feel they just wanted to peel the skin off their body, to have something else to do?" I asked.
"Ross chandler, ten o'clock." I said looking at a woman.
"Is it? Feels like two." Chandler says.
"No, ten o'clock." I repeated.
"What?" Ross asked.
"There's a beautiful woman at eight, nine, ten o'clock!" I say turning them.
"Oh. Hel-lo!" They both say.
"She's amazing! She makes the women that I dream about look like short, fat, bald men!" Chandler says.
"Well, go over to her! She's not with anyone." I say.
"Oh yeah, and what would my opening line be? 'Excuse me. Blarrglarrghh.'" Chandler say.
"Oh, c'mon. She's a person, you can do it! You talk to me all the time." I answer,
"Oh please, could she be more out of my league? Ross, back me up here." Chandler says.
"So I'm not out your league if I wasn't your sister rude." I snapped.
"He could never get a woman like that in a million years. I'm not saying your not good looking Alex." Ross says.
"Thank you, buddy." Chandler answers.
"Oh, oh, but y'know, you always see these really beautiful women with these really nothing guys, you could be one of those guys." I answer. "You could do that!"
"Y'think?" Chandler asks.
"Yeah!Im your sister Chandler you idiot. I've been there though your crazy ex girlfriends and you have been there for me when I had crazy ex boyfriends." I answer.
"Oh God, I can't believe I'm even considering this... I'm very very aware of my tongue..." Chandler says I just laugh.
"C'mon! C'mon!" I usher chandler towards the girl.
" Here goes." He says. He walks over to her but just stands there. Joey enters from behind a curtain.  The others all talk at once.
"Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could dance! You had a beard!" Everyone bursts out with I just laugh.
"Whadja think?" He asks
"I'm gonna be honest with you Joe it was shit." I start. There was a pause.
"...Hey! You're in a play! I didn't know you could dance! You had a beard!" Everyone else carrys on.
"C'mon, you guys, it wasn't that bad. It was better than that thing I did with the trolls, at least you got to see my head." Joey responds.
"Saw your head. Saw your head." Everyone admits but me.
"She said yes!! She said yes!!" Chandler yells to me. He turns to Joey. "Awful play, man. Whoah.(To me) Her name's Aurora, and she's Italian, and she pronounces my name 'Chand-lrr'. 'Chand-lrr'. I think I like it better that way. (To Joey) Oh, listen, the usher gave me this to give to you." He fishes a card out of his pocket.
"What is it?" Rachel asked.
"The Estelle Leonard Talent Agency. Wow, an agency left me its card! Maybe they wanna sign me!" Joey yells happy.
"Based on this play? ...Based on this play!" I said while laughing. Central Perk, everyone else is there as Chandler enters.
"Hey, kids." Chandler says walking in I give him a look as if to say how was it.
"Hey." Everyone answers but me I'm trying to find my book.
"No, 'cause this line is passion, and this is... just a line." Phoebe says looking at Monica's hand.
"Well, I can't believe I've been here almost seven seconds and you haven't asked me how my date went." Chandler speaks up.
"I asked you in a look when you walked in." I answered. "Oh, right, right. How was your date, 'Chand-lrr'?"
"It was unbelievable. I-I've never met anyone like her. She's had the most amazing life! She was in the Israeli army..." he starts. A flashback of Aurora and Chandler on their date in Central Perk is denoted by italics.
"...Luckily none of the bullets hit the engine block. So, we made it to the border, but just barely, and I- ...I've been talking about myself all night long, I'm sorry. What about you? Tell me one of your stories." Aurora says.
" Alright. Once I got on the subway, right, and it was at night, and I rode it all the way to Brooklyn... just for the hell of it." Chandler replies. "We talked 'til like two. It was this perfect evening... more or less."
"...All of a sudden we realised we were in Yammon."Aurora replies.
"Oh, I'm sorry, so 'we' is?" I asked through the flash back.
"'We' would be me and Rick." Aurora says in the flashback.
"Who's Rick?" I asked again.
"Who's Rick?" Chandler asks.
"My husband." Aurora responds.
"Ooooohhh." We all answer.
"Oh, so you're divorced?" Chandler asks.
"No." She responds.
"Oh, I'm sorry, then you're widowed?...Hopefully?" He responds I slap my head.
"No, I'm still married." Aurora responds I just laugh.
"So tell me, how do- how do you think your husband would feel about you sitting here with me?...Sliding your foot so far up my pant leg you can count the change in my pocket?" Chandler,asks.
"Don't worry. I imagine he'd be okay with you because really, he's okay with Ethan." She answers I laugh harder.
"Ethan? There's, there's an Ethan?" He asked.
"Mmmm... Ethan is my... boyfriend." Aurora answers.
"What?!" Everyone yells except me who laughs harder if possible.
"So explain something to me here, uh, what kind of a relationship do you imagine us having if you already have a husband and a boyfriend?" Chandler asks.
"I suppose mainly sexual." She answers.
"...Hm." Chandler reply's.
"Oh. I'm sorry it didn't work out." Monica starts I'm still laughing.
"What 'not work out'? Hes seeing her again on Thursday. Didn't you listen to the story?" I answered for him.
"Didn't you listen to the story? I mean, this is twisted! How could you get involved with a woman like this?" Monica asks him.
"Well, y'know, I had some trouble with it at first too, but the way I look at it is, I get all the good stuff: all the fun, all the talking, all the sex; and none of the responsibility. I mean, this is every guy's fantasy!" Chandler answered I just started laughing again.
"Oh, yeah. That is not true. Ross, is this your fantasy?" I asked Ross.
"No, of course not! (Thinks) ...Yeah, yeah, it is." He answers.
"What? So you guys don't mind going out with someone else who's going out with someone else?" I asked.
"I couldn't do it." Joey answers I just looked at him.
"Good for you, Joey." I answered.
"When I'm with a woman, I need to know that I'm going out with more people than she is." Joey responds.
"Well, y'know, monogamy can be a, uh, tricky concept. I mean, anthropologically speaking-" Ross starts. We all pretend to fall asleep.
"Fine. Fine, alright, now you'll never know." He carry's on.
"We're kidding. C'mon, tell us!" Monica responds.
"Yeah! C'mon!" We all yell at Ross.
"Alright. There's a theory, put forth by Richard Leakey-" Ross starts. We  all fall asleep againMonica and Rachel's, Rachel is there as enter except Joey enter.
"Tah-daaah!" Rachel yells.
"Are we greeting each other this way now? 'Cause I like that." Chandler speaks up.
"Look! I cleaned! I did the windows, I did the floors... I even used all the attachments on the vacuum, except that little round one with the bristles, I don't know what that's for." Rachel says me and chandler look at each other.
"Oh yeah, nobody knows. And we're not supposed to ask." Me and Ross speak up.
"Well, whaddya think?" Rachel asks.
"Very clean! It looks great! Terrific!" Everyone yells but me I knew she would be dead.
" ...Oh! I-I see you moved the green ottoman." I speak up not looking up from the magazine I had.
"Uh-oh..." Everyone but me Monica and Rachel yell.
"How-how did that happen?" Monica asked.
"I dunno.. I-I thought it looked better there. And I- and also, it's an extra seat around the coffee table." Rachel answered.
"Yeah, yeah, it's interesting.. but y'know what? Just for fun, let's see what it looked like in the old spot. (She moves it.) Alright, just to compare. Let's see. Well, it looks good there too. Let's just leave it there for a while." Monica speaks up.
"I can't believe you tried to move the green ottoman." Phoebe says to Rachel.
"Thank God you didn't try to fan out the magazines. I mean, she'll scratch your eyes right out." I spoke up.
"You guys, I am not that bad!" Monica speaks up.
"Yeah, you are, Monica. Remember when I lived with you? You were like, a little, y'know, (psycho) Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree!" I speak up getting up to get a beer.
"That is so unfair!" Monica yells.
" Oh c'mon! When we were kids, yours was the only Raggedy Ann doll that wasn't raggedy!" I speak up from the fridge.
"Okay, so I'm responsible, I'm organised. But hey, I can be a kook." Monica says.
"Alright, you madcap gal. Try to imagine this. The phone bill arrives, but you don't pay it right away." I answer.
"Why not?" Monica ask.
"Because you're a kook! Instead you wait until they send you a notice." I answer.
"I could do that." Monica try's to say.
"Okay, uh, you let me go grocery shopping, and I buy laundry detergent, but it's not the one with the easy-pour spout." Rachel speaks up.
"Why would someone do that?! ...One might wonder." Monica answers.
"Someone's left a glass on the coffee table. There's no coaster. It's a cold drink, it's a hot day. Little beads of condensation are inching their way closer and closer to the surface of the wood..." I start.
"STOP IT!! ...Oh my God. It's true! Who am I?" Monica asks.
"Monica? You're Mom." Ross answered. Monica gasps.
"Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree! Ree!" Phoebe says. Joey enters and he's on the phone.
"(on phone) Uh huh.. uh huh... oh my God! Okay! Okay, I'll be there! (He hangs up and to all.) That was my agent. (He tosses and catches the phone.) My agent has just gotten me a job...in the new Al Pacino movie!" Joey says walking in.
"Oh my God! Whoah!" Everyone yells but me.
"Well, what's the part?" I asked knowing what he was about to say.
"Can you believe this? Al Pacino! This guy's the reason I became an actor! "I'm out of order? Pfeeeh. You're out of order! This whole courtroom's out of order!"" Joey says.
"Seriously, what-what's the part?" Phoebe asks.
"'Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!'" Joey answers.
"C'mon, seriously, Joey, what's the part?" Ross asked.
"...I'm his" Joey mumbles.
"..You're, you're 'mah mah mah' what?" Rachel asked I started laughing.
"...I'm his butt double. 'Kay? I play Al Pacino's butt. Alright? He goes into the shower, and then- I'm his butt." Joey answers I just burst out laughing.
"(trying not to laugh) Oh my God." Monica says.
"C'mon, you guys. This is a real movie, and Al Pacino's in it, and that's big!" Joey says.
"Oh no, it's terrific, it's... it's... y'know, you deserve this, after all your years of struggling, you've finally been able to crack your way into showbusiness." Chandler says.
"Okay, okay, fine! Make jokes, I don't care! This is a big break for me!" Joey says.
"You're right, you're right, it is...So you gonna invite us all to the big opening?" I asked.
"Alright, alright, alright..."  Monica answers. Joey enters with Monica's paper and hands it to her.
"Here. I need to borrow some moisturizer." Joey says once he walked in.
"For what?" I asked.
"Whaddya think? Today's the big day!" Joey answered.
"Oh my God. Okay, go into the bathroom, use whatever you want, just don't ever tell monica what you did in there." I answered,
"Thank you!" He answered. He goes into the bathroom. Chandler enters with the phone.
"Where's Joey? His mom's on the phone." Chandler asked.
"He's in the bathroom. I don't think you wanna go in there!" I answered.
"C'mon, we're roommates! (He goes into the bathroom, screams, and runs back out.) My eyes!! My eyes!!" Chandler says walking into the bathroom.
"I warned you..." I answered. Rachel enters from her room.
Rachel: Who is being loud?" Rachel asked.
"Oh, that would be Alex. Hey, listen, I wanna borrow a coupla things, Aurora spent the night, I really wanna make her breakfast." Chandler says.
Monica: Oh, you got the whole night, huh?" I asked.
"Yeah, well, I only have twenty minutes until Ethan, so, y'know.." Chandler answered. He starts to raid the fridge.
Rachel: Ooh, do I sense a little bit of resentment?" Rachel answered.
"No, no resentment, believe me, it's worth it. 'Kay? Y'know in a relationship you have these key moments that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life? Well, every- single- second is like that with Aurora.. and I've just wasted about thirty-five of them talking to you people, so, uh.. Alex, can you help me with the door?" Chandler asks. He has armloads of stuff.
"Sure. Oh, um, Chandler? Y'know, the-the old Alex would-would remind you to scrub that Teflon pan with a plastic brush...But I'm not gonna do that."  I replied. I opened the door and he leaves. Monica and Rachel's, Ross is trying to comfort Chandler.  Joey is absent. I'm watching the tv.
"Look at it this way: you dumped her. Right? I mean, this woman was unbelievably sexy, and beautiful, intelligent, unattainable... Tell me why you did this again?" Ross asked. Joey enters.
"Hey!" Everyone yells but me because I knew what was up with him.
"Hey, waitwait, aren't you the guy that plays the butt in the new Al Pacino movie?" Monica asked.
"Nope." Me and joey answered.
Ross: No? What happened, big guy?" Ross asked
"(to Ross) "Big guy?"" I asked.
"It felt like a 'big guy' moment." Ross answered.
"I got fired." Joey answered I got up and hugged him.
"Oh!" Everyone answered.
"Yeah, they said I acted too much with it. I told everybody about this! Now everybody's gonna go to the theatre, expecting to see me, and..." joey answered.
"Oh, Joey, you know what, no-one is gonna be able to tell." Rachel spoke up.
"My mom will." He reply's I just looked at him.
"Something so sweet and...disturbing about that." I answered.
"Y'know, I've done nothing but crappy plays for six years. And I finally get my shot, and I blow it!" Joey reply's.
"Maybe this wasn't your shot." Monica speaks up.
"Yeah, I mean... I think when it's your shot, y'know, you-you know it's your shot. Did it... feel like your shot..?" Ross asked.
"Hard to tell, I was naked." Joey decided to say.
"No, I don't think this was your shot. I mean, I don't even think you just get one shot. I really believe big things are gonna happen for you, I do! You've gotta just keep thinking about the day that some kid is gonna run up to his friends and go 'I got the part! I got the part! I'm gonna be Joey Tribbiani's ass!'." Phoebe speaks up all of a sudden.
"Yeah? That's so nice!" Joey answered. We hug. Ross and Chandler look at each other and hug as well.
"I'm sorry, Joey. I'm gonna go to bed, guys." Monica speaks up.
"Night." We all reply to Monica.
"Uh, Mon, you-you gonna leave your shoes out here?" I asked.
"(determined) Uh-huh!" She responded.
"Really? Just casually strewn about in that reckless haphazard manner?" I asked again.
"Doesn't matter, I'll get 'em tomorrow. Or not. Whenever." She answered. She goes to her room.
"She is a kook." Ross says out of nowhere.