Chandler bings twin sister

Episode 7 season 1

"Everybody? Shh, shhh. Uhhh... Central Perk is proud to present the music of Miss Phoebe Buffay." Rachel says into the microphone. There was applause.
"Hi. Um, I want to start with a song thats about that moment when you suddenly realize what life is all about. OK, here we go. (plays a chord, then the lights go out) OK, thank you very much." Phoebe says,
"Wow, this is so cool, you guys. The entire city is blacked out!" I started.
"Mom says it's all of Manhattan, parts of Brooklyn and Queens, and they have no idea when it's coming back on." Monica speaks up.
"Wow, you guys, this is big." Rachel says.
"(into phone) Pants and a sweater? Why, mom? Who am I gonna meet in a blackout? Power company guys? Eligible looters? Could we talk about this later? OK." Monica says onto the phone hangs up.
"Can I borrow the phone? I want to call my apartment and check on my grandma. (to Monica) What's my number?" Phoebe says. Monica and Rachel look at Phoebe strangely.
"Well, I never call me." Phoebe says. Monica's apartment, Joey enters with a menorah, the candles lit.
"Hi everyone."Joey says walking in.
"And officiating at tonight's blackout, is Rabbi Tribbiani." Ross answered.
"Well, Chandler's old roomate was Jewish, and these are the only candles we have, so... Happy Chanukah, everyone." Joey answered.
"(at window) Eww, look. Ugly Naked Guy lit a bunch of candles." I answered. They all look at the window, grossed out, then flinch in pain.
"That had to hurt!" Rachel speaks up. Monica and Rachel's, The phone rings; it's Chandler.
"Hello?"  Monica says.
"Hey, it's me." Chandler says.
"(to everyone) It's Chandler! (on phone) Are you OK?" Monica yells.
"Yeah, I'm fine. (trying to cover up what he is saying) I'm trppd in an ATM vstbl wth Jll Gdcr." Chandler speaks.
"What?" Monica asked.
"I'm trppd... in an ATM vstbl... wth Jll Gdcr!" Chandler try's to say again.
"I have no idea what you just said." Monica answers.
"(angry) Put Alex on the phone." Chandler says.
"What's up man?" I ask.
"I'm trppd... in an ATM vstbl... wth JLL GDCR." Chandler says.
"(to everyone) Oh my God! He's trapped in an ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre! (on phone) Chandler, listen." I answer says something intentionally garbled.
"Yeah, like that thought never entered my mind." Chandler says. Monica and Rachel's, time has passed. The six are sitting around the coffee table talking.
"Alright, somebody." Rachel speaks up.
"OK, I'll go. OK, senior year of college... on a pool table." I answer.
"Whoooaa!" Everyone yells.
"That's my best friends sister and my best friend." Joey answers. "OK... my weirdest place would have to be... the women's room on the second floor of the New York CIty public library."
.Oh my God! What were you doing in a library?" I asked.
"Pheebs, what about you?" Ross asked.
"Oh... Milwaukee." Phoebe answers.
"Um... Ross?" I ask.
"Disneyland, 1989, 'It's a Small World After All.'" He answered.
"No way!" We all yell.
"The ride broke down. So, Carol and I went behind a couple of those mechanical Dutch children... then they fixed the ride, and we were asked never to return to the Magic Kingdom." Ross answered I laughed.
"Oh, Rachel." I said.
"Oh come on, I already went." She answered.
"You did not go!" Monica answered.
"Come on." We all yell.
"Oh, alright. The weirdest place would have to be... (sigh)... oh, the foot of the bed." She answers.
"Step back." Me and Ross say together.
"We have a winner!" Joey answered. Time lapse, Ross and Rachel are talking, Joey is on the couch, and Monica and Phoebe are out of the room Alex is on joeys lap.
"I just never had a relationship with that kind of passion, you know, where you have to have somebody right there, in the middle of a theme park." Rachel says.
"Well, it was the only thing to do there that didn't have a line." Ross spoke up.
"There, well, see? Barry wouldn't even kiss me on a miniature golf course." Rachel answered.
"Come on." Ross speaks up again.
"No, he said we were holding up the people behind us." She responds.
"(sarcastically) And you didn't marry him because...?" I asked.
"I mean, do you think there are people who go through life never having that kind of..." she answered.
"Probably. But you know, I'll tell you something. Passion is way overrated." I replied.
"Yeah right." She continued looking at me.
"It is. Eventually, it kind of... burns out. But hopefully, what you're left with is trust, and security, and... well, in the case of my ex-wife, lesbianism. So, you know, for all of those people who miss out on that passion... thing, there's all that other good stuff." Ross says.
"(sigh) OK." Me and Rachel reply.
"But, um... I don't think that's going to be you two." Ross answered.
"You don't." I asked.
"Uh-uh. See, I see.... big passion in your future." He responded.
"Really?" Rachel decided to ask this time.
"Mmmm." He replied.
"You do?" Rachel asked again.
"He dose." I respond.
"Oh Joey, you're so great." Alex responded. She playfully rubs his head and gets up. Joeu gets up, pleased with himself.
"It's never gonna happen." Ross looked up.
"(innocently) What?" Joey asked.
"You and Alex." Rachel answered for Ross
"(acts surprised) What? (pause) Why not?" Joey asked.
"Because you waited too long to make your move, and now you're in the friend zone." Ross answered.
"No, no, no. I'm not in the zone." Joey answered.
"Joey, you're mayor of the zone." Ross replied.
"I'm taking my time, alright? I'm laying the groundwork. Yeah. I mean, every day I get just a little bit closer to..." joey wanted to say.
"Priesthood! Look Joey, I'm telling you, she has no idea what you're thinking. If you don't ask her out soon you're going to end up stuck in the zone forever." Rachel answered.
"I will, I will. See, I'm waiting for the right moment. (Ross and Rachel look at him) What? What, now?"  Joeu asked.
"Yeeeeaaaahhh! What's messing you up? The wine? The candles? The moonlight? You've just got to go up to her and say, 'Alex, I think that...'"Ross started. Alex comes into the room behind them.
"Shhhh!" Ross shushes us.
"What are you shushing?" Alex asked.
"We're shushing... because... we're trying to hear something. Listen. (everyone is silent) Don't you hear that?" Joey asked.
"Ahhhh!" I responded.
"See?" Ross speaks up.
"Huh." I agrees, but looks very confused. Monica's apartment, Phoebe is singing.
"(singing) New York City has no power, and the milk is getting sour. But to me it is not scary, 'cause I stay away from dairy.... la la la, la la, la la..." Phoebe starts she writes the lyrics down.
"(to Ross and Rachel) OK, here goes." Joey speaks up.
"Are you going to do it?" Rachel asked.
"I'm going to do it." Joey responded
"Do you want any help?" Ross asked.
"You come out there, you're a dead man." Joey replied.
"Good luck, man." Ross wished him good luck.
"Thanks. (Ross and Rachel hugs him) OK." Joey says.
"OK." Rachel and ross answered. Joey  goes out on the balcony to talk to Alex.. Monica walks in, starts to go out on the balcony.
"Hey, where are you going?" Ross asked.
"Outside." She replied.
"You can't go out there." Ross said.
"Why not?" She asked.
"Because of... the reason." Rachel answered.
"And that would be?" She asked again.
"I, um, can't tell you." Ross carried on.
"Ross, what's going on?" Monica asked.
"OK, you've got to promise that you'll never, ever tell Joey that I told you." I asked.
"About what?" She asked again.
"He's planning your birthday party." Ross quickly answered.
"Oh my God! I love him!" She shouted.
"(as Phoebe enters) You'd better act surprised." Ross started.
"About what?" Phoebe asks.
"My surprise party!" Monica says.
"What surprise party?" Phoebe asks.
"Oh stop it. Ross already told me." She answered.
"Well, he didn't tell me." Phoebe reply's.
"Hey, don't look at me. This is Joey's thing." Ross answered confused on what to do.
"This is so typical. I'm always the last one to know everything." Phoebe complains.
"No, you are not. We tell you stuff." Monica answered.
"Yuh-huh! I was the last one to know when Chandler got bitten by the peacock at the zoo. I was the last one to know when Alex had a crush on Joey when he was moving in. (Monica gestured at Phoebe to shut up; Ross looks surprised but pleased) Looks like I was second to last." Phoebe answered.
"Hmmm... this is so nice." I started
"OK, I have a question. Well, actually, it's not so much a question as.. more of a general wondering... ment." Joey started.
"OK." I answered
"OK. Here goes. For a while now, I've been wanting to, um...." joey starts.
"Ohhh!!!!" I answer looking at something behind Joey
"Yes, yes, that's right..." Joey answers.
"Oh, look at the little cat!" I answer a small kitten is on the roof behind Joey
"What? (the cat jumps on his shoulders) Ow!" Joey said.Cut to inside. Monica, Rachel, Ross and Phoebe are singing while outside, Joey and Alex are trying to get the cat off of Joeys' shoulder.
"(singing) I'm on top of the world, looking down on creation and the only explanation I can find, is the wonders I've found ever since..." we all but Rachel and Ross.
"(to Joey) This is just Bactine. It won't hurt." Monica speak up. Joey flinches in pain.
"Sorry, that was wax." Ross speaks up.
"Oh, poor little Tooty is scared to death. We should find his owner." Phoebe speaks up.
"Why don't we just put 'poor little Tooty' out in the hall?" Joey asked.
"During a blackout? He'd get trampled!" I answered.
"(nonchalantly) Yeah?" He asked. The hallway of Monica's building. Phoebe Alex and Rachel are trying to find the cat's owner.
"(stops at a door) Oh no, the Mendels, they hate all living things, right?" Phoebe asks.
"Oh. (they knock at the next door, Mr. Heckles answers) Hi. We just found this cat and we're looking for the owner." Rachel speaks up.
"Er, yeah, it's mine." He says.
"(trying to hold back the struggling cat) He seems to hate you. Are you sure?" I asked.
"Yeah, it's my cat. Give me my cat." He demanded.
"Wait a minute. What's his name?" I asked.
"Ehhhh... B-Buttons." Mr Heckles answered.
"Bob Buttons?" I asked.
"Mmm. Bob Buttons. Here, Bob Buttons." Mr Heckles answered again.
"(the cat runs away from her) Oooh! You are a very bad man!" Phoebe speaks up.
"(as Phoebe Alex and Rachel leave) You owe me a cat." Mr heckles demanded. Alex has gone off on her own to look for the cat's owner.
"(Here, kitty-kitty. Here kitty-kitty. Where did you go, little kitty-kitty-kitty? Here kitty-kitty-kitty-kitty..." Alex starts. While looking at the floor for the cat, Alex runs into a pair of legs. She slowly gets up and sees a gorgeous Italian hunk holding the cat. Who, by the way, you'll hate very, very soon. The man. Not the cat.
"(something Italian)" Paolo says something.
"Wow." Alex says she exhales in amazement, blowing the candle out. Monica and Rachel's, Ross, Monica, Rachel and Joey are playing Monopoly.
"(rolling) Lucky sixes...." Ross speaks up.
"(entering with Paolo, arm in arm) Everybody, this is Paolo. Paolo, I want you to meet my friends. This is Rachel and monica." I start.
"(smitten) Hi!" Rachel reply's.
"And Joey...." I point to Joey.
"Hi!" Rachel says for Joey.
"And Ross." I point to Ross.
"Hi!" Monica says again.
"(something in Italian)" Paolo speaks something.
"(proudly) He doesn't speak much English." I speak up.
"(pointing at game) Monopoly!" He says pointing to the game.
"Look at that!" I cheer.
"(jealous) So, um... where did Paolo come from?" Joey asked.
"Oh... Italy, I think." I respond.
"No, I mean tonight, in the building. Suddenly. Into our lives." Joey answers.
"Well, the cat... the cat turned out to be Paolo's cat!" I said.
"That, that is funny... (to Ross).... and Alex keeps touching him." Joey speaks. Phoebe enters.
"Alright. I looked all over the building and I couldn't find the kitty anywhere." Phoebe speaks up.
"Oh, I found him. He was Paolo's cat." I answered.
"Ah! Well! There you go! Last to know again! And I'm guessing... since nobody told me... this is Paolo." Phoebe speaks up.
"Ah, Paolo, this is Phoebe." I said pointing to Phoebe.
"(something in Italian, he is apparently attracted to Rachel.)" Paolo says.
"(smiling) You betcha!" Phoebe answers. Monica and Rachel's, Alex and Paolo are at the window. Ross and Joey are watching disgustedly.
"(something romantic in Italian about Rachel and the stars)" Paolo says. Joey notices it.
"(mocking Paolo) Blah blah blah, blah blah blah... blah blaaaaaah...." I speak up. Alex walks away from Paolo, laughing.
"Wha-What did he say that was so funny?" Joey asked.
"I have absolutely no idea." I answered.
"That's... that's classic." Joey answered.
"(to Monica Rachel and Phoebe) Oh my God, you guys, what am I doing? What am I doing? This is so un-me!" I started.
"If you want, I'll do it." Monica speaks up. Joey looks at Ross.
"I know, I just want to bite his bottom lip. (Alex looks at her) But I won't." Phoebe starts.
"God, the first time he smiled at me... those three seconds were more exciting than three weeks in Bermuda with Aston (ex gay boyfriend)." I replied.
"You know, did you ride mopeds? 'Cause I've heard... (they stare at her)... oh, I see... it's not about that right now. OK." Phoebe speaks.
"Y'know, I know it's totally superficial and we have absolutely nothing in common, and we don't even speak the same language but Goooooooddddddd...." I speak up. Cut to the other side of the apartment, Joey has gone over to straighten things out with Paolo.
"Paolo. Hi." Joey starts.
"Joey!" Paolo speaks up. Joey notices that Paolo is standing on a step, which makes him taller. Joey gets up on the same step so he can look down at Paolo.
"Listen. Um, listen. Something you should... know... um, Rachel and I... we're kind of a thing." Joey speaks up.
"Thing?" Paolo asks.
"Thing, yes. Thing." Joey answers.
"Ah, you... have the sex?" Paolo asks.
"No, no, no. Technically the... sex is not... being had, but that's... see, that's not the point. See, um, the point is that... Alex and I should be, er, together. You know, and if you get in the.... um..." joey starts.
"Bed?" Paolo asks again.
"No, no, that's not where I was going. Er, if you get in the... way, of us becoming a thing, then I would be, well, very sad." Joey try's again.
"Oh!" Paolo speaks up.
"Yeah! Se vice?" Joey says.
"Si." Paolo decided to say.
"So you do know a little English." Joey asks trying to make conversation.
"Poco... a leetle." Paolo speaks up.
"Do you know the word crapweasel?" Joey asks.
"No." Paolo speaks again.
"That's funny, because you know, you are a huge crapweasel!" Joey answered. They hug. Monica and Rachel's, the gang is all sitting around the table.
"Oh, look look look. The last candle's about to burn out. 10, 9, 8, 7... (time lapse)... negative 46, negative 47, negative 48...." Phoebe starts someone blows it out, the room gets completely dark.
"Thank you." Ross spoke up.
"Thanks." Phoebe says.
"Kinda... spooky without any lights." Ross speaks up.
"(does a maniacal laugh) Bwah-hah-hah!" Joey speaks up. Everyone starts to imitate Ross.
"OK, guys, guys? I have the definitive one. Mwwwooooo-hah-hah..." Ross try's to do. The lights come back on, and Alex and Paolo are making out. Joey clutches his chest.
"Oh.. oh... oh." Joey speaks up.
"Hey Joey. This probably isn't the best time to bring it up, but you have to throw a party for Monica." Ross speaks up.