Chandler bings twin sister

Epiosde 10 season 1

"Guys? There's a somebody I'd like you to meet." Ross starts. A monkey jumps on to his shoulder.
"Oooh!" I exclaimed.
"W-wait. What is that?" Monica asked.
"'That' would be Marcel. You wanna say hi?" Ross asked.
"No, no, I don't." Monica carried on.
"Oh, he is precious! Where did you get him?" I asked.
"My friend Bethel rescued him from some lab." Ross continued.
"That is so cruel! Why? Why would a parent name their child Bethel?" Phoebe asks.
"Hey, that monkey's got a Ross on its ass!" Chandler exclaimed.
"Ross, is he gonna live with you, like, in your apartment?" Monica asked.
"Yeah. I mean, it's been kinda quiet since Carol left and Alex moved out, so..."Ross carrys on.
"Why don't you just get a roommate?" Monica asked.
"Nah, I dunno... I think you reach a certain age, having a roommate is kinda pathe- (Realises) ....sorry, that's, that's 'pathet', which is Sanskrit for 'really cool way to live'." Ross speaks up. Central Perk, Phoebe is getting ready to sing. Joey is not there.
"So you guys, I'm doing all new material tonight. I have twelve new songs about my mother's suicide, and one about a snowman." Phoebe speaks up.
"Might wanna open with the snowman." I answered not looking up from my book. Joey enters.
"Hey, Joey. Hey, buddy." We all yell.
"So, how'd it go?" I asked.
"Ahhhhhh, I didn't get the job." Joey complains.
"How could you not get it? You were Santa last year." Ross speaks up I just laugh.
"I dunno. Some fat guy's sleeping with the store manager. He's not even jolly, it's all political." Joey carry's on complaining.
"So what are you gonna be?" Monica asked.
"Ah, I'm gonna be one of his helpers. It's just such a slap in the face, y'know?" Joey continued.
"Hey, do you guys know what you're doing for New Year's? (They all protest and hit her with cushions) Gee, what?! What is wrong with New Year's?" Rachel asked.
"Nothing for you, you have Paolo. You don't have to face the horrible pressures of this holiday: desperate scramble to find anything with lips just so you can have someone to kiss when the ball drops!! Man, I'm talking loud!" I complain.
"Well, for your information, Paolo is gonna be in Rome this New Year, so I'll be just as pathetic as the rest of you." Rachel continued.
"Yeah, you wish!" Phoebe speaks.
"It's just that I'm sick of being a victim of this Dick Clark holiday. I say this year, no dates, we make a pact. Just the six of us- dinner." I continued.
"Yeah, okay. Alright." Everyone agrees.
"Y'know, I was hoping for a little more enthusiasm." I carry on.
"Woooo! Yeah!" Everyone cheers.
"Phoebe, you're on." Rachel speaks up.
"Oh, oh, good." Phoebe cheers.
"(Into microphone) Okay, hi. Ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand, Miss Phoebe Buffay. Wooh!" I cheer.
"(Takes mike) Thanks, hi. Um, I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me this time of year. (Shakes bell as an introduction) (Sung:)" she starts. "I made a man with eyes of coal And a smile so bewitchin', How was I supposed to know That my mom was dead in the kitchen? (shakes bell) La lalala la la la la lalala la la..." Phoebe sings. Skip to later. Everyone is totally depressed by now. (Sung): " ...My mother's ashes Even her eyelashes
Are resting in a little yellow jar, And sometimes when it's breezy..." Phoebe sings. Over the sound of Phoebe singing we hear two scientists, Max and David, having a noisy discussion.
"(Sung) ...I feel a little sneezy
And now I- (abruptly stops) Excuse me, excuse me! Yeah, noisy boys! (They stop talking and look up) Is it something that you would like to share with the entire group?" Phoebe starts.
"No. No, that's- that's okay." The stranger answered.
"Well, c'mon, if it's important enough to discuss while I'm playing, then I assume it's important enough for everyone else to hear!" Phoebe exclaimed.
Chandler: (Quietly, to the others) That guy's going home with a note!" I said looking at the others.
"Noth- I was- I was just saying to my-" the man tried to explain.
"Could you speak up please?" Phoebe asks.
"(Stands up and speaks more loudly) Sorry, I wa- I was just saying to my friend that I thought you were the most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen in my- in my life. And then he said that- you said you thought" he tried again.
"Daryl Hannah." The other man spoke up.
"Daryl Hannah was the most beautiful woman that he'd ever seen in his life and I said yeah, I liked her in Splash, a lot, but not so much in- in Wall Street, I thought she had kind of a" he carried on.
"Hard quality." The man next to him continued.
"-hard quality. And uh, while Daryl Hannah is beautiful in a conventional way, you are luminous with a kind of a delicate grace. Then, uh, that-that-that's when you started yelling." The man finishes. He sits down.
"Okay, we're gonna take a short break." Phoebe says. Goes over to their table.
"Hey, that guy's going home with more than a note!" Joey speaks up I just laugh. Monica and Rachel's, everyone except Joey is decorating for Christmas.
"Come here, Marcel. Sit here." Ross try's Marcel wanders off.
"Pheebs, I can't believe he hasn't kissed you yet. I mean God, by my sixth date with Paolo, I mean he had already named both my breasts! ...Ooh. Did I just share too much?" Rachel asks.
"Just a smidge." Me and Ross both answer. I walk up to Ross and pats his back.
"David's like, y'know, Scientist Guy. He's very methodical." Phoebe tried to explain.
"I think it's romantic." Monica carried on.
"Me too! Oh! Did you ever see An Officer and a Gentleman?" Phoebe asked.
"Yeah!" Rachel answered.
"Well, he's kinda like the guy I went to see that with. Except, except he-he's smarter, and gentler, and sweeter... I just- I just wanna be with him all the time. Day and night, and night and day... and special occasions..." Phoebe explained.
Chandler: Wait a minute, wait a minute, I see where this is going, you're gonna ask him to New Year's, aren't you. You're gonna break the pact. She's gonna break the pact." Chandler asked.
"No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, could I just?" Phoebe answered.
"Yeah, 'cause I already asked Janice." Chandler answered.
"What?!" I exclaimed.
"C'mon, this was a pact! This was your pact!" Ross answered.
"I snapped, okay? I couldn't handle the pressure and I snapped." Chandler tried to explain.
"Yeah, but Janice? That-that was like the worst breakup in history!" I answered.
"I'm not saying it was a good idea, I'm saying I snapped!" Chandler carried on. Joey enters, his shoes have bells on, which jingle as he walks. He is wearing a long coat.
"Hi. Hi, sorry I'm late." Joey started. He removes the coat to reveal an elf costume.
"Too many jokes... must mock Joey!" I started
Joey: Nice shoes, huh?" Joey asked. He wiggles his foot and the bells tinkle.
"Aah, y'killing me!" I answered. Marcel knocks over some kitchen tools.
"Ross! He's playing with my spatulas again!" Monica yelled to Ross.
"Okay, look, he's not gonna hurt them, right?" I questioned.
"Do you always have to bring him here?" She carried on.
"I didn't wanna leave him alone. Alright? We- we had our first fight this morning. I think it has to do with my working late. I said some things that I didn't mean, and he- he threw some faeces..." Ross tried to explain.
"Y'know, if you're gonna work late, I could look in on him for you. Since work allows me to work from home." I answered looking at him.
"Oh, that'd be great! Okay, but if you do, make sure it seems like you're there to see him, okay, and you're not like doing it as a favour to me." Ross carried on.
"Okay, but if he asks, I'm not going to lie." I answered. Central Perk, everyone is there.
"So tell me something. What does the phrase 'no date pact' mean to you?" I asked.
"I'm sorry, okay. It's just that Chandler has somebody, and Phoebe has somebody- I thought I'd ask Fun Bobby." Monica answered.
"Fun Bobby? Your ex-boyfriend Fun Bobby?" Chandler asked I slapped him on the head.
"Yeah." Monica replied.
"You know more than one Fun Bobby?" I asked.
"I happen to know a Fun Bob." Chandler answered.
"Ahh Fun Bob hes amazing" I answered.
"(Brings Joey a mug of coffee) Okay, here we go...
"Ooh ooh ooh ooh, there's no room for milk!" Joey exclaimed.
"(I glances at Joey and then sips his coffee) There. Now there is." I answered.
"Okay, so on our no-date evening, three of you now have dates." I started.
"Uh, four." Joey answered i just looked at him full of jealousy.
"Four." Me and Ross answered.
"Five." Rachel answered.
"Five. (Buries his head in my shoulder)" Ross answered.
"Ross i don't have a date if it makes you feel batter." I answered Joey just looked at me.
"Sorry. Paolo's catching an earlier flight." Rachel explained.
"Yeah, and I met this really hot single mom at the store. What's an elf to do?" Joey asked.
"Do your work." I answered.
"Okay, so we gonna be the only two standing there alone when the ball drops?" Ross asked me.
"Yeah I guess so." I answered i just cuddled into Ross hiding from everyone.
"Oh, c'mon. We'll have, we'll have a big party, and no-one'll know who's with who." Rachel tried.
"Hey, y'know, this is so not what we needed right now." Ross said pointing to me and him.
Monica: What's the matter?" Monica asked.
"Oh, it's-it's Marcel. He keeps shutting me out, y'know? He's walking around all the time dragging his hands ignoring me and Alex so we sent chandler in..." Ross explained.
"That's so weird, I had such a blast with him the other night." Chandler answered i just groaned.
"Really." I answered.
"Yeah, we played, we watched TV.. that juggling thing is amazing." Chandler carried on.
"What, uh... what juggling thing?" Me and Ross asked.
"With the balled-up socks? I figured you taught him that." Chandler answered.
"No." I answered.
"Y'know, it wasn't that big a deal. He just balled up socks... and a melon..." Chandler started. Monica and Rachel's, the party has started.
"I love this artichoke thing! Oh, don't tell me what's in it, the diet starts tomorrow!" Janice exclaimed I just rolled my eyes. Laughs her Janice laugh.
"You remember Janice." Chandler asked.
"Vividly." I sarcastically answered. Someone knocks on the door; I get it.
"Hi." I started.
"Hi, I'm Sandy." She answered.
"Sandy! Hi! C'mon in! (She enters, followed by a young boy and a younger girl)...You brought your kids." Joey exclaimed.
"Yeah. That's okay, right" she asked. Joey and I look at each other and shrug. Ross enters with Marcel on his shoulder.
"Par-tay!" Ross exclaimed with marcel.
"That thing is not coming in here." Monica started.
"'That thing'? This is how you greet guests at a party? Let me ask you something, if I showed up here with my new girlfriend, she wouldn't be welcome in your home?" Ross asked.
"I'm guessing your new girlfriend wouldn't urinate on my coffee table." Monica answered I stated laughing.
"Okay. He was more embarrassed about that than anyone. Okay? And for him to have the courage to walk back in here like nothing happened..." I tried to explain for Ross.
"Alright. Just keep him away from me." Monica answered.
Ross: Thank you. (She walks off) C'mon, Marcel, whaddya say you and I do a little mingling? (Marcel runs off) Alright, I'll, uh... catch up with you later." Ross tried again.
"Sorry for that Ross." I answered. The door opens. Rachel is standing there. Her coat is muddy and torn, her hair is dishevelled and her face is bruised. Everyone turns to look.
"Oh my gosh! Rachel, honey.. are you okay? Where-where's Paolo?" Monica asked.
"Rome. Jerk missed his flight." Rachel answered.
"And then... your face is bloated?" I asked.
"No. Okay. I was at the airport, getting into a cab, when this woman- this blonde planet with a pocketbook- starts yelling at me. Something about how it was her cab first. And then the next thing I know she just starts- starts pulling me out by my hair! So I'm blowing my attack whistle thingy and three more cabs show up, and as I'm going to get into a cab she tackles me. And I hit my head on the kerb and cut my lip on my whistle...oh...everybody having fun at the party? (To Monica) Are people eating my dip?" Rachel explained. Time lapse. Monica and Rachel, fixed up somewhat, emerge from a bedroom.
"Y'know, when I saw you at the store last week, it was probably the first time I ever mentally undressed an elf." Sandy started I just looked bored.
"Wow, that's, uh, dirty." Joey answered.
"Yeah." Sandy carried on. They almost kiss and then Joey realises her kids are staring at them and I just laughed.
"Hey, kids..." I started and waved at them since they liked me. I just walked over to chandler and hugs him.
"(Watching Marcel play with Phoebe. To Chandler and Alex) Look at him. I'm not saying he has to spend the whole evening with me, but at least check in." Ross tried.
"(Startles them) There you are! Haaah, you got away from me!" Janice started.
"(Imitating) But you found me!" Chandler answered.
Janice: Here, Ross, take our picture. (Hands him a camera and he starts snapping) Smile! You're on Janice Camera!" Janice started.
"Kill me. Kill me now." Chandler whispered to me. Someone else knocks on the door. Monica looks through the spyhole.
"Hey everybody! It's Fun Bobby!" Monica yelled. Everyone cheers. Monica opens the door. Bobby is obviously very depressed.
"Hey, sorry I'm late. But my, uh, grandfather, he- died about two hours ago. But I-I-I couldn't get a flight out 'til tomorrow, so here I am!" Bobby exclaimed I walked up to him and hugged him.
"(Approaching) Hey Fun Bobby! Whoah! Who died?" Joey asked. I gestures wildly behind Bobby's back. Time lapse. Bobby is talking about his grandfather. Everyone else is virtually in tears.
"It's gonna be an open casket, y'know, so at least I'll- I get to see him again." Bobby carried on.
"(Ross is still taking their photo) Oh, I'm gonna blow this one up, and I'm gonna write 'Reunited' in glitter." Janice exclaimed.
"Alright, Janice, that's it! Janice... Janice... Hey, Janice, when I invited you to this party I didn't necessarily think that it meant that we-" chandler tried to explain.
"Oh, no. Oh, no." Janice carry's on.
"I'm sorry you misunderstood..." I sarcastically answered from besides chandler.
"Oh my God. You listen to me, Chandler, you listen to me. One of these times is just gonna be your last chance with me." Janice complains I just roll my eyes. She runs off. Ross is still taking photos.
"Oh, will you give me the thing." I complained and snatches the camera.
"(on TV) Hi, this is Dick Clark, live in Times Square. We're in a virtual snowstorm of confetti here in Times Square..." Dick Clark says form the tv. Joey puts a blanket over Sandy's kids.
"There y'go, kids." Joey speaks to the kids.
"(To a woman who he has clearly just met) And then the peacock bit me. (Laughs) Please kiss me at midnight." Chandler complains. She leaves.
"You seen Sandy?" Joey asked I felt a bit of jealousy hit me.
"Ooh. Uh, I don't know how to tell you this, but she's in Monica's bedroom, getting it on with Max, that scientist geek. Ooh, look at that, I did know how to tell you." I answer smugly.
"Vrrbddy, the bll is drrbing." Rachel speaks drunk.
"(in the kitchen) What?" We all ask but Rachel.
"The bll is drrbing!" Rachel speaks up.
"(on TV) In twenty seconds it'll be midnight..." Dick Clark speaks up.
"And the moment of joy is upon us." Chandler speaks up.
"Looks like that no date pact thing worked out." Joey complains.
"Everybody looks so happy. I hate that." I speak up.
"Not everybody's happy. Hey Bobby!" Monica speaks up. Bobby waves and then bursts into tears. Midnight comes and everyone at the party except for the gang cheers and kisses.
"Y'know, I uh.. just thought I'd throw this out here. I'm no math whiz, but I do believe there are three girls and three guys right here. (Makes kiss noise)"  I speak up.
"I dunno. I don't feel like kissing anyone tonight." Phoebe speaks up.
"I can't kiss anyone." Rachel complains.
"So I'm kissing everyone?" Monica asked.
"Nonono, you can't kiss Ross, that's your brother." Joey says to Monica.
"Perfect. Perfect. So now everybody's getting kissed but me." Ross complains.
"Alright, somebody kiss me. Somebody kiss me, it's midnight! Somebody kiss me!" I complain.
"Alrightalrightalright. (Kisses me. Ross takes a photo) There." Joey answers. Monica and Rachel's, time lapse.
"(Watching Marcel and talking to Rachel) I wanted this to work so much. I mean I'm still in there, changing his diapers, pickin' his fleas... but he's just phoning it in. Just so hard to accept the fact that something you love so much doesn't love you back." Ross complains.
"...I think that bitch cracked my tooth." Rachel complains.