Suteta - (Akatsuki fanfic)

Part 20

I refuse to let depression, college misery, horrible living situations, and COVID- least of all-, permanently prevent me from writing in stories and fanfics I used to love >:'/ I miss these stories, so new part starts now! I'm sincerely sorry if it's short!

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Outside of the base the sky was grey, and the edge of the woods and its shadows were becoming spookily dim as the sun evidently lowered behind the mountain. It wasn't visible due to the flat-looking cloud cover, but it was something Hanaki had seen fairly often, she thought.

Although there wasn't much snow on the ground thanks to the terrain keeping most of the weather away for now, the air was still nippingly cold. And it felt all the more apparent with the hot tears running down her face. She had nothing other than the long sleeves of the plain black dress that Konan made to keep her warm, and when she happened to kick her toes into a particularly chilled patch of dirt that got into her sandals it was uncomfortable and shocking enough to make her cry harder as she quickly picked her way further past the bushes and tree line.

She didn't make a sound though beyond the sniffles and muffled hiccups as she scrunched the middle of her dress. Sounds felt like they would be bad about now, no matter how badly suppresing them made her chest and throat hurt like they were tied into a jumble of knots.

Her head hurt so much... Every few seconds she was seeing flashes of things that weren't actually happening in front of her yet still felt real. She didn't really understand any of them, she just knew how Zetsu was making her feel now was familiar- and they had something to do with that.

There was one that she saw which brought her to a slow stop by the time she reached a small type of clearing. It was hazy and blurred from the tears in her eyes, but it wasn't too hard to see as she practically stared into space.

In the vision-like flash she could see clustered trees that stood dark against a whiter background...and someone was running away from her no matter how much she called for them to come back. And that small part of her knew who it was.

...M-mommy... ...

Her mind whimpered to her, and the same whimper almost escaped as she sniffed again, biting down on her bottom lip as she hung her head and stared at the ground. It was a sense of loneliness and helplessness that she couldn't describe and didn't have a word for. Her mother didn't seem to care, just getting farther and farther away.

Zetsu was doing that now too, wasn't he..? The past few days it was like he was pushing her further away while getting more distant himself. It seemed like the only person to spend time with her anymore was Tobi. He was nice enough and seemed to like her fine, but...it wasn't the same. He wasn't the person she wanted to be around. She wanted her mom...at least maybe thought she did. But mostly she wanted Zetsu.

He was warm and nice when she wasn't somehow in trouble. That was what she liked about him other than the fact he seemed to actually care about her. Like Konan, and Tobi.

But...maybe she was wrong. Or did she do something wrong..? Did she make him mad, or did he hate her?

Another wave of tears spilled down Hanaki's face at the idea. Why was she always making someone mad? Was everyone mad at her?? Even Tobi?

Worst of all, was that the reason her mother ran away?

Before she knew it, Hanaki was having to rub her eyes with both hands. And she couldn't stop the muffled whines and whimpers that wracked her frame so hard. Her little voice was too quiet to travel very far, but even if it could there was no one around to hear anyway. In this cold there were no flowers either; no voices to try and comfort her from the realization that Zetsu probably wanted to run away from her too.

All the talk she had been hearing lately about leaving her with someone else, and how she couldn't go with him and he wouldn't tell her why no matter how much she asked... He would wonder why she was so upset but somehow she just knew he wouldn't listen to the 'I don't know's or 'I just want you to stay's. It wasn't her fault she couldn't come up with the right words or all the memories to say it felt like he didn't want to come back once he left. He didn't want to hear that she was scared, he just wanted her to listen and do as she was told. And if she tried to tell him anyway, wouldn't that only make him mad some more?

Hanaki didn't know... All she did know was she didn't want to be left again, and maybe if she left first it wouldn't hurt so bad. That was why she ran from the kitchen and managed to find her way outside after she heard Zetsu and the shark nin talking. She just thought if she was the one to run away then no one could be mad at her anymore. No one would hate her and leave her behind, and she could find somewhere else to be by herself...where it wouldn't matter if anyone came back or not.

What that would look like exactly, she had no idea. Nor did she know how to even find a place like that. But other than her confusion on the matter, there was something stopping the child and making her debate on whether or not she should keep going.

It wasn't until now, but she realized her teddy bear wasn't with her. That alone accounted for some of the personal cold and sense of emptiness in her arms. In her rush it must have been knocked to the floor from the table back inside, and she hadn't thought to stop and retrieve it.

Did she want to go back and look for it..? Or was she already not allowed to? What if they threw her bear away? Did she want to risk being yelled at again? Or hit?

Honestly she didn't know why she thought someone might hit her. None of the adults here had done that even if they were really angry. Even if that red-eyed one always looked as if he really wanted to. For some reason it just struck her like a high possibility.

Still, while she was deliberating, and miserably thinking it might be better to leave her cherished toy behind, she was startled back to the present by a distant crack from somewhere in the icy underbrush. With a short gasp under her breath she took several steps in reverse, glancing frantically around as she remembered the day that scary-looking man snuck up on her and tried to kidnap her.

Where did that sound come from?? Was there someone out here after all? Without the birds or voices of the flowers, it seemed far too silent...and something in the atmosphere felt mean. Even...even meaner than mean... And especially ugly.

If she could think of any word that might describe that feeling, wherever it was coming from, it would be the word Zetsu taught her. 'Dangerous.'

That alone made her nervous, and an all new kind of scared.

Her fear and anxiety continued to rise as she backed away, her eyes wide and blurred from crying. And she quickly realized she wanted to go home. Whatever that word meant- and she hadn't so much as asked since she first heard it from that kidnapper- she was mentally using it to mean 'back where everyone else was.' With the blue-haired lady, Zetsu, and Tobi and the others. She didn't know why she wanted to be there if no one wanted her, but she still did. It still felt safe... A lot safer than this awful feeling that was making her heart race.

I wanna go home, she thought to herself as another tear ran down her face. But.... She looked around again, already not knowing where she was exactly. When she wandered into these woods she hadn't paid attention to what direction she was going or where she was coming from.

This was a mistake. How was she supposed to get back?

I wanna go home, her mind repeated more desperately.

I wanna go home...

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This chapter was not born to die fast! I will return in a day or two!

Danke, Auf Wiedersehen!

- MGPD