SidNaaz : Contemplating Insecurities

Chapter 9

Shehnaaz

"Cause you never think that the last time is the last
You think that there will be more
You think you have forever but you don't"

"Ab bol kya hua hai? Kyun socha tune aise?" Sidharth questioned, getting into bed beside me. We'd decided on postponing the conversation until after dinner. The entire time his face stayed emotionless, more than just a little hurt. This was the exact reason I didn't want him to know what I'd been thinking. The thoughts were already as disturbing as they could possibly be. His interference would make them worse. I took a quick look at him shifting to the foot of the bed. He sighed slightly as I sat against his lap wrapping my arms around his torso, it never felt weird. Not even once. I was comfortably safe in his hold. He'd always made me feel like that. "Sorry... mera dimag kharab hogya hai schi mein. Mujhe khud nhi pta kya ho raha hai." I mumble softly, the same tone as the fight before the finale. I hated how easy it was for me to run a picture of it all through my mind. The day that'd been both the best and worst. He'd won, my trust in him had won however my love seemed to have lost. The forever I'd wanted slowly coming to an end.

Si - "Tumhe maine promise kiya hai na ki lifetime rahunga? Toh fir? Meri baat pe yakeen nhi hai? Agar nhi rehna hota toh abhi tere ko ghar kyun leke aata?"

S - "Sorry na, hogya abhi. Mujhe nhi acha lag raha tha finale se hi toh hogya thoda dimag khrab"

"Theek rehta kab hai? Gadhi" he questioned pulling me off of himself just enough to face him. The eye contact very fortunately disturbed by a constant pinging on my phone. I slid off of him picking it up not exactly realizing his eyes were also on the screen as I sat beside him. It was an unknown number but it didn't take too long for either of us to realize. "Sahi hai sahi hai bhai, mujhe number dene k liye ruki nhi aur Asim ko dene k liye time milgya? Ky-"

"Maine diya hota toh number already saved nhi hota? Baaz ne diya hai pehle padh bhi le" I say pushing the phone a little more towards him, sighing at the words I knew he'd blurt out next if I hadnt intervened. He lay down not giving me much of a response, I decided to continue reading through the texts giving Asim a quick response. I remembered Baaz saying something about giving his older brother my number. "Kya bola? Aur yeh tereko kaise text kr raha hai? Himanshi ne roka nhi?"

S - "Mujhe kya pta, maine thodi na baat ki usse. Aur tune party ka mujhe kyun nhi text kiya? Baaki sab ko toh mil gya"

"Tujhe mere saath hi jaana hai toh invitation kyun chahiye?" He asked completely focused on the tv before us. I gave him a hum knowing he wasn't exactly wrong. I put my phone back on charge moving to change into one of my night suits. I'd most likely need to go shopping very soon considering the amount of clothes I had. Sure I was getting brand deals and everything but I needed more of my usual comfortable stuff. I made a mental note to ask Ken to tag along. Putting on the same night as my birthday morning. It was slightly big on me, the house having helped take a bunch of weight off. I walked out only to see the channel changed from news to YouTube. My name very evidently searched up. I look back over at Sidharth who sat with a pleasant smile stretched across his face. I raised my eyebrows in question sitting down beside him adjusting the shorts I had on.

Si - "Tune hi kaha tha bahar jaa kr dikhaegi, tune nhi dikhaya toh socha khud se hi dekh lun"

I gave him an amused look watching him play Veham. I myself hadn't even heard it in long enough, the number associated with the views completely astonishing after what had happened just last year. I stared at his face as he watched the video with the same smile still on his face. "Yeh aane se pehle shoot kiya tha na tune?" He asked eyes still stuck to the screen.