SidNaaz : Contemplating Insecurities

Chapter 33

Sidharth

"Trust the overthinker
Who tells you they love you
For they have, most assuredly
Thought of every possible
Reason not to...."

"You guys are yet again very fashionably late!" Ken complained letting us through the door to his flat. I give him a lopsided smile as Shehnaaz goes in for a quick hug immediately narrating something about an outfit she wanted. I stood back shushing Ken at the mention of why I was here. Shehnaaz still didn't know and I wanted anything but her to find out like this. It was be an conversation I'd saved for the drive back, well hopefully if she was back to not trying to ignore me for not saying what she wanted. I chuckle mentally at the thought of how she'd still made sure to link our arms as we headed upstairs, or let me hold her hand whilst driving despite wanting to most probably ram a truck through my head for going back to my old stance. Truth was I wasn't someone who'd like to say it constantly. Showing was a topic for later discussion but telling was something I never did. Neither was I ever really required to but I knew thatd have to change. Sooner or later she'd have me dwell in the same habit as her own. I go on to trying on the suit Ken had gotten ready for the Delhi interview I had the day after tomorrow. My flight being in less than 24 hours. Definitely not pleasurable after knowing just how much I was going to have to adjust to being there without her after having her by my side pretty much all of bigg boss and after. And on top of that I still had absolutely no clue about how she'd react to the news. The two of them scurry downstairs, taking a few pictures against the wall Ken had decided on having her take, coming back shortly after for an outfit change. The pale blue suit making her look even more angelic than she'd already looked since this morning, the colour of the cloth complementing her own. "Shehnaaz? Come here" I call just as they head back out the door. She turns seemingly telling Ken to continue downstairs. I walk over to her hastily grabbing her by the waist. "Kya hua?" She asks evidently distracted by the gaze. I shook my head slightly, leaning in closer giving a quick peck at her cheek. "Is ke baad chalna hai ya kuch aur bhi hai?" I ask a second later. She goes on to explaining the few outfits she still needed to try on, stating how it'd take another few hours. I nodded letting her know that I'd leave and come back to pick her up once she was done.

I spend the next few hours at home, catching up on a few pf the scenes from Bigg boss itself knowing well I'd be asked about them. I didn't want to give an answer based on the perspective I saw it from inside the house. To say the least the few clips made it easier to know why exactly everyone seemingly loved what we shared. The friends narrative was well... a white lie. Friends definitely didn't do what we did, or at least I didn't do all any of that with my friends. I sigh at the thought, we'd have to make it as believable as possible for now. I didn't want her sole existence in this industry to be from all of that and the relationship we had. I watched a compilation of all of my fights. The ones with her included. My heart wrenched at a few of the words I'd said, knowing perfectly why she'd always been so unsure of what we had. I myself had compared her and Artis importance to the same. Although I'm sure she knew that was anything but true. She was my priority in the house, the team a priority based on the game. Of course we couldve played together and still ended up right as we did but itd be harder mentally. I let out a sigh focusing more on how exactly she really was always there. Interfering my fights to make sure I didn't do something so stupid that I myself would despise later. The one with Arhaan and Rashmi seemed to stick. We werent even in talking terms then. The "friends" of mine had done nothing but stand there and watch while she ran over and single handedly urged the fight to stop. And just like she'd believed, through all of those chaos and unsettled fights, I fell for her just as hard if not harder. I'd like her from the first week itself. She was different, a woman with no means of backing down just because she was one in a houseful of those who did. She had the sort of spirit one could easily admire however deep beneath that was what I felt the need to protect. The innocence that shone in her eyes or how she spent her entire day entertaining everyone despite knowing no one really liked her much. They called her crazy, immature if that only because she was different. Different from all the other celebs theyd called. One that honestly had no problem helping without a second mention while other fought for the same. I was almost helpless when it came to her; all my logics failing one by one. Nothing really mattered when it came to her, definitely not the camera. Smallest of her actions affected me like never before. I who was not even bugged by the other contestants combined attack was rendered useless when she was hurt or when she stood against me. The affect was also seemingly visible right on my otherwise composed face. The multiple kisses and hugs she gave me helped me survive the other bullshit that happened throughout the day. They were calming, a type of calm I hadn't felt in long enough. The person that'd entered as the most eligible bachelor, on a song that stated anything but what had happened in reality.  I knew a few people in the house, and Asim I grew to like but there was one connection that was surprising. As fascinating as she was, I'd doubted she'd become so important even after getting to know her. She was contrary to what I was, loud, unfiltered and a mystery no one could quite solve. I saw how people took her as dumb, less educated then themselves not realizing how profoundly smart she was. She knew how to read faces, solving their personalities by a mere observation of a few days. She'd told me a few predictions, predicting what each of them would do and just like that, they did all of that. I sigh shutting off my screen. I didn't need to fall further in her daze before having to leave for 3 days.

I drove back to Kens, parking at the entrance of the building waiting for her to arrive. She runs down a few minutes later, clearly tired from all of what theyd done. I'd gotten a few snaps tp say the least. Ones I didn't know how to reply to. Or what exactly to say. She chimed as she got into the car, almost instantly giving my face an assortment of kisses. I chuckle pushing her back into her seat. "Itni khush kyun hai baby?" I question starting the car. She sighed softly showing me the now full gallery of pictures and videos. "Aise hi, bohut din baad aise snaps bnane mila, tik toks bhi bnaye humne" she mumbled scrolling through what seemed like a collection of the same. I chuckle watching her play a few videos, driving off into the road. We get home a few minutes later, the stories from today still being recited as we headed back upstairs. I let open the door letting her walk inside before I followed. "Chal ja change krle, main khana garm kr leta hu" I mumble walking into the kitchen.  She gave me a simple nod heading down the hall leaving me to think about how exactly to bring up the topic I needed to.

"Sidharth?" She called out, still in the room itself. I don't respond knowing what it was about. She walks out a few seconds later dressed in my blue striped shirt and the grey shorts I'd given her back in the house. I let my eyes run down the whole of her, very evidently checking her out. The soft pink on her face confirming she knew. "Tu bol kyun nhi raha? Andar bags kyun pack kiye huye hain?" She asks taking a seat right in my lap, very obviously not knowing what she was doing. "Main kal Delhi jaa raha hu" I whisper resting my head against her shoulder holding her closer. She turned slightly, her eyebrows furrowing at the mention. "Delhi?! Kyun?" She asked just as shocked as I thought she'd be. "Interview hai baby.. Kaushal ne btaya tha but I forgot. Ajj subah hi remind krvaya" I explain slightly rocking the both of us.

S - "Kitne bje jaana hai?"

I look up at her face wanting to see anything but the calm that shone. "Afternoon flight hai" I sigh watching her eyes for a change of emotion. "Mujhe kab btaana tha?? Aur vaapis kab aayega? Interview k baa-"

Si - "3 din k liye jaana hai"