flowers in your hair

Trepidation

Trepidation / Trep•i•da•tion
a feeling of fear or agitation about something that may happen

January 22nd // England - 7:31pm

George watched Clay's eyes quickly turn away towards the girl, and then they returned to George's; more worry and panic filled them this time. George was at a loss of words, and his only escape was to walk away to wherever his feet would take him. Anywhere but here, he prayed.

He couldn't think straight about any single thing. His thoughts were running at a million miles a minute, and his feet were moving so fast he was almost at a run. His eyes started to fill with tears of frustration and his cheeks were bright red from the embarrassment. He really thought Clay, who didn't even know he was bisexual, was going to confess love or something. He had never even shown Clay the interest he had in him before, let alone Clay hinting he felt the same. It came out of nowhere, too good to be true.

He felt a tight grip pull his arm backwards. No. It felt almost like it did during his nightmare. He couldn't dare face him right now. He turned to face him, but kept his eyes on the swaying grass.

"George, please listen. I can explain."

George didn't believe a word he said. There could be no decent explanation for any single thing that just happened. Clay messing with his feelings. The picnic. The song. The girl. What she said. Nothing made sense. All he wanted to do in that instance was leave.

"You don't have to explain. I don't want to- I can't hear it right now. Just leave me alone."

Clay didn't want to give up so easily. He put his hand on George's chin and lifted his head until George's eyes met his. He didn't want to lose him.

"George, I- Just hear me out, please."

"Let me go. Let me go, Clay. Now."

The anger was peaking through his voice now. He yanked his arm out of Clay's gripped and walked until he could think about it without crying. He just wanted to make sense of it all. Was it his fault? Did he assume that Clay was going to say he felt the same, and it was something else? Did he even know who Clay was?

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Clay watched as George's emotionally overwhelmed body walked away. He couldn't believe what was happening. How did Jess find him? He turned to face her, and walked towards her until he was a yard or so away.

"What are you doing here, Jess?"

"Don't you remember what happened? You left me for your best friend. Does he even know? What you are, does he know?"

"That's not what happened and you know damn well. You were the problem. Not me. And don't say it like that. It isn't 'what I am', It's who I am. You could never understand that. George could."

"How do you know? You haven't told him yet. I know you, Clay. You made up having feelings for him so you could have an excuse to leave me for Alyssa. I knew it the day you said she looked nice in the cafe. You've had a thing with her for who knows how long."

"When do the lies stop, Jess? You were the one who couldn't stop pouring them out of your mouth one after another. I know why you are here. The only reason is that I am somewhat popular now. You are mad you screwed it all up from what happened with Jace. Leave. You aren't going to win this. I do lo- have feelings for George. Your homophobic ass just can't accept it. For the record, you left me."