INDECISION : MY BIGGEST FAULT

CHAPTER ONE

"Andrea what do you want ", "Andrea what do you want to eat" ,"Andrea what should I buy for you"," Andrea what do you like here" ,"Andrea what course are you going to be reading in the university " ,"Andrea should we do it like this or like that?", "Andrea this ,Andrea that " ..tsk..well guess what ? my answer is always "I don't know".
"Really?, you don't know? " "what do you mean by saying  you don't know, there are many choices here" "if you don't know then don't know" "it seems like you don't need anything because if you did you won't be saying that.." "Do you even have any plans for your life?"..Those were the replies I always get.
I'm sure you will be wondering does someone this frustrating even exist? Yes ..they are a lot of people like that and I'm a living proof of their existence ,I'm not living inside the author's brain I actually do exist and I'm sure there are lots of other people like me that are very indecisive.
To some people  it's a mental disorder called ABOULOMANIA in which the patient displays pathological indecisiveness, to others its a symptom of major depressive disorder and it's also a symptom of OCD and ..how did I know? I looked it up at the Internet and I love surfing the net.
I'm Andrea Emeti Dakota ,I'm from Eket local government in Akwa Ibom State, Nigeria and from a family of seven which consists of my dad ,mum,three sisters, a brother and myself. My mum is an accountant and my dad is an engineer by profession. Which generally meant that I'm from a middle class family.
Yes, a middle class family because we are not rich neither are we poor , we are able to afford a roof over our head, food, clothings, medications and every basic amenities.
I'm the first child and first daughter of my parent , so imagine all the responsibilities placed on my head. As a first child I have to be of good behaviour because my younger ones are watching and learning from me they say.
Is being the first child really fun? Do you get all the attention  given to you when things are done? In my case , I only get attention when I do bad at school or I did something really bad, really bad in the sense that my siblings did something wrong and I get blamed for it....that doesn't sound fun or does it?.
   I don't have friends  because they would end up controlling me because I'm shy and I didn't want that, I want to be doing the things I love my hobbies are quite normal ,nothing strange. I love eating, writing, reading novels not boring government or science books, I'm an introvert but strangely I love travelling to new places, I love being alone in my thoughts.
I keep wondering why I think a lot ,I think at every free time I get which makes me extremely busy doing nothing.why do i think a lot ,yet I can't decide anything for myself , Ahhhhh.....I thought to myself "I'm really doomed,what I'm I going to do now..I can't make any decision on what I want to do in the university and I'm entering the final year in high school....what would I register in my Waec and Neco examination " I should be able to do something about it. ..
I'm really bad at making decisions that my parents make them for me....If I ask my mum she would tell me to read medicine and if I asked my dad he would tell me engineering.
But what about me what do I want to do...agh, I hate maths and to do any course ,i need to have at least a Credit  in maths, English and five main courses of my choice.
"Should I do law? Or political science? No No No I hate government, history, and politics and I would have to be outspoken to be able to do it...it doesn't go with my lifestyle. What about computer engineering. ..No there's math, I would like to be a pilot but no , I'm afraid of height, what about being a teacher...no I hate being given attention to and I would have to be talking in front of a  whole class...Ahhhhh. .this is so frustrating. .."I said to myself. "Will I ever become something or have passion for something? ...I really need a  course I wouldn't need to be stressed out "....
"What are you doing inside here? Why did you close the door or are you doing something in secret? I hope you have not joined any cult or any witchcraft society because if you do just know that I will kill you oh...it's not in my house that you will come and manifest that one."my mum spat out after barging into my room.."mummy I'm not doing anything I'm just on my own " "what do you mean your just on your own " "mummy I'm just thinking " "thinking about what, eh, what are you always thinking about at your age. Get up quickly, go and stay in the parlour with everyone now." My mum ordered.