what the water gave me - h.s.

nine of cups

Harry.

October.

She's been on my mind for three days now, ever since that night at The River.

I can't seem to comprehend how she sounded perfectly like the voice in my head.

I spent all day and all night for three days trying to piece this all together. But, no matter what way I place the situation, Tobi's puzzle piece never seemed to fit.

I decided that worrying over this by myself was only going to cause me more stress and that's not what I need. So, I asked for another pair of eyes on this game.

"Mitch, can I...uh... ask you something?" I say, just loud enough so he'll hear me from my kitchen.

We're in my flat again today. We initially planned to hang out to work on music, but I wasn't being very productive since I heard Tobi's voice.

"Yeah, I'm coming." He calls out, walking into the living area with a cup of fresh brewed coffee in his hand.

He takes a seat on the sofa next to me, bring up a leg onto the cushion so he can turn to face me.

"What's up?" He asks, taking a sip of the dark brown caffeine.

I sigh, running my ring-clad fingers through my messy curls, "Well..."

"Look, I know this might sound completely mad, but please just hear me out, okay?"

Mitch's eyes widen a little, shifting his body to get more comfortable with the turn in mood I brought.

"Yeah, you can tell me anything ya know? I won't judge, man." He waits for me to continue.

"Okay...So, the other night when we met with Jo and her friend, October-"

"You didn't like them?" He cuts me off, probably thinking the worst. I mean, I kind of did set the conversation up a bit poorly... my bad.

"No! They were great, I already told you I think Jo is perfect for you," I immediately shake my head and I can hear him sigh in relief.

"Wait, so is it Tobi?"

My hand raises to my lips, nervously picking at them as I shake my head, "No, but yes."

I sigh, not knowing how to explain this without sounding like a loon.

"The voice in my head, the one I've heard for years. It's always singing or humming a tune in my ear, and I usually just think I'm crazy, but...I'm not."

Mitch looks extremely confused, "Um, yeah. But, what does that have to do with the girls?"

"The voice in my head...I think it's Tobi."

Mitch's face of confusion morphs into one of shock and maybe a hint of disbelief.

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah. And trust me, I've been trying to wrap my head around it ever since we left that night, but Tobi is the voice in my head." I say to him.

"How do you know?" He asks.

"Well, when she got up on stage to sing karaoke, i instantly recognized her voice. There's no way I could ever mistake that voice, Mitch. It was her. She started singing, and at first I thought the voice was just going again, but I looked at her and she was singing perfectly in tune with all the right lyrics."

Mitch's eyes never leave mine as I see a mix of emotions cross his face at once, and I wonder if that's what I looked like when I was trying to process all this information too.

"I-I, wow. Yeah, I don't know what to say, H. That's, that's something. Are you happy about finding out though? Like, do you like Tobi? Are you okay with knowing who the voice is...and that it's Tobi?" He stutters his way through the sentence.

Am I happy that I finally know who the voice is?

I think I am, but now that I know that it's Tobi it might change things. I don't know what any of this means necessarily, but what I do know is that I'm afraid to mess this up.

I actually really like her. Before I even heard her sing, I was wanting to know more about her.

She's nice and intimidatingly cool. She's the type of person you think only exists in movies or in songs, the mysterious beauty with more secrets than words to say.

But, she's comfortable. I feel comfortable around her and she makes my heart race every time the image of her brown eyes flash into my mind.

"Yeah. Yeah, I think I am." I say after a pause between us.

I look back up to Mitch, after my eyes had drifted while I went into deep thought, to see him with a small (almost devious) smile on his lips.

"What?" I look at him perplexed.

He shakes his head, still holding face with that smirk, "I just think someone might have a crush."

"What? No, I don't. I just met the girl, her having been stuck in my head for years does not equate for a crush." I try to brush off the accusation from him.

"No, no, I think you do." He says, a laugh now escaping his mouth as he stands to go put his empty mug in the kitchen.

Shaking my head with a scoff, "Whatever. I don't have a crush on Tobi."

I think I totally have a crush on Tobi.

***
I spent a ridiculous amount of time mulling over what I recall Belle saying to me in my reading a while ago.

"The Nine of Cups, to me, reads that the best of your life is coming, living your best life essentially. Things you have been wishing for will come to fruition. I see for the month of October, specifically, you are going to feel emotionally satisfied."

Her words circle in my head on a loop, each time it's repeated a new piece of the puzzle being put together.

She kept saying how the month of October would be a very important month for me.

Maybe October was never a date, but rather a person.

What if October was the Nine of Cups? She could be the missing piece that is, supposed to be, the best of my life that's coming.

I think a part of me hopes she is.

In some weird sense of connection with her being my voice, and now after meeting her, I feel like I know her more than I actually do.

I may not know her birthday or favorite food, but I could tell you how when she sings old rock songs loudly she has this little rasp in her voice.

I couldn't tell you her favorite book or what season she prefers, but I know that when she sings quietly she goes in and out of humming with cute little voice cracks in between.

I don't know her, but I do know her.

And maybe that's all that matters.

Who's to say that it doesn't?

*******
a/n:
lmk what u guys think of this chapter i'm honestly just writing the plot as i go lmao

pls keep commenting, i love seeing y'all excited abt my shit ;)))

tpwk, blm, stay safe <3
much love, J