Mistakes

And Regret

CHAPTER 7

Castiel’s POV:

Dean had hit me. Sure, we had had fights in the past, but this was different. He had never meant to hurt me on any of those occasions, and he couldn’t have- for the most part. But as I stood, staring at the mark left on my face in the mirror an hour later, I realized it did hurt. A lot.

There was a soft knock on my door and I ignored it. I didn’t want to talk to anyone right now, not even Gadreel.

“Cas, we should talk.” Dean’s voice drifted through the door. I tensed and fresh tears formed in my eyes. Do I even answer . . .? I wondered. I was going to lock the door when a quiet “Cas please.” Could be heard.

I opened the door to see a disheveled Dean standing in front of me. I forced my face to stay straight as he reached his hand up a few inches, his eyes focused on where he had struck me.

“What do you want?” I demanded, choking on the last word despite my best efforts. Dean flinched at my hard tone and looked down at his shoes. “C- can I come in?” He asked tentatively.

I walked away from the door to sit on my bed and he took that as an invitation. The nest from the night previous was still there, and I sat in the middle of it, looking anywhere but at Dean.

“Cas, I’m sorry. I never should have hit you. I was drunk and angry at Crowley and when you touched me it just . . .” He trailed off, sitting in the chair across from he and putting his head in his hands. When he looked back up at me his eyes were brimming with tears. “Cas I would never . . .”

“BUT YOU DID!” I cut him off, finally letting my own tears fall. I could feel myself shaking and I gripped the sheets below me tightly. “YOU SAID THAT YOU CARED ABOUT ME! I . . .” Huge, gulping sobs consumed me as I realized that this must mean that Dean didn’t return the feeling I had for him, and that he would hate me if he ever found out that I did like him in that way.

Dean was out of the chair in a second, wrapping his warm arms around me. I tried to push him away with my arms on his chest, but like a stubborn bull he refused to move. I gave up and collapsed against his chest, sobbing into him.

“Cas, I do care! Don’t you ever think that I don’t! I hate what I did, and I wish I could go back so that it never happened, but I can’t, so the only thing I can do is say that I’m sorry.” Dean whispered to me, gently running his fingers through my hair. I realized I loved the feel of him so close to me, and despite everything, I found myself wanting to kiss him.

“Dean, I- I need to tell you s- something.” I whimpered against him, holding tightly to the plaid shirt he was wearing. I had made you my mind, in those few words he had said. I wasn’t going to go on wondering any longer, I just needed to know.

“Yeah Cas?” He asked. I pulled away slightly, lifting my eyes up to meet his. I only saw caring and concern in his bright green eyes, which gave me the courage to move forward.

“I . . . I’ve been trying to tell you for a long time I just never . . . I love you De-“ I was cut off by the extremely pleasant sensation of Dean’s lips pressed up against mine. We stayed like that for a moment, Dean, reaching up to place his hand behind my neck. My eyes fluttered shut and he pulled apart slightly, but I could still feel his smile against me.

“No chick flick moments Cas.” He joked. I wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him closer to me. “Okay Dean.” I whispered. He kissed me again and this time I kissed him back, committing this moment to memory because Dean must still be drunk and he would probably never speak of this again when he sobered.