Blink Of An Eye

Chapter 16

"Hi." The soft voice behind me once again startled me. I had just put a very cranky Makenna down for her nap, and was ready to doze off myself. Either I needed to stop being so jumpy or Ryan needed to stop sneaking up on me. My nerves were just completely shot.

"Hi." I replied back.

"We need to talk about yesterday Livvy, and a few other things."

My heart was racing, my hands shaking. A feeling of dread shot through my body. I knew we had to get this out. I couldn't avoid it forever. "Okay." I nodded.

"I brought you something." He handed me a large iced coffee.

"Is this...?" I began.

"Iced white mocha with an extra shot. It was your favorite when we were young, and it's still your favorite now." He smiled.

Tears pooled in my eyes, frankly, I don't know how I had any left, but these were different. "You remember that?"

He nodded. "I'm remembering a few things. It's happening slowly, but it gives me hope. I remember sitting in that coffee shop with you. You were mad at me. I don't remember why, but I was apologizing. I offered you the job as my PR. Then you weren't mad at me anymore. I remember your smile, and thinking how pretty you were and how I wanted to spend more time with you. I was willing to do anything to get you to come work with me." The softness on his face, and the look in his eyes were so familiar to me at this moment, it gave me hope as well.

The tears started flowing. "Do you remember anything else?" I asked.

His smile faded a bit, and he nodded. Worry shot through me. "I do, but I don't think it's a good memory. That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Even if it's a bad memory, I need you to fill in the gaps for me. Please. I need to know." He wiped the tear from my face with his thumb. His touch sending a shiver down my spine.

"Okay. Ask me anything." I prompted. I was nervous, but he was reaching out to me and I was desperate to throw him any kind of lifeline, regardless of what he had to say.

He hesitated for a moment before speaking. "You were in the hospital. I know it had nothing to do with Makenna. It had to be something bad because we were both distraught, both crying. What happened to you Livvy?"

The tears flowed even more. Of all of the things he could remember, what did it have to be this? I promised him I would fill in the gaps though. "I had a miscarriage. It was way before Makenna. We weren't even married yet, but we were thrilled about having a baby." I said choking back a sob.

His face crumbled and he took my hand. "I'm so sorry Livvy. I hate that I even brought this up. I knew it was bad, but I had no idea. We don't have to talk about this."

But we did. I wanted him to remember our life together, and that included the not so happy times. If I had to talk about those times just to get him back, I would do it without hesitation.

"It's fine Ry. I told you I will tell you anything you want to know. The pregnancy didn't last long. Only a few days. We were thrilled about it, but I was a nervous wreck. Only our friends and Emma knew about it, only because they figured it out. You had just won at Talladega for the first time. We were going to tell our family after we got home, but I had a routine doctors appointment first. It was then that we found out the baby was gone. The doctor could not find the heartbeat."

"I don't even know what to say Livvy, except I'm so sorry. I just...I didn't know." I could see the tears forming in his eyes, and his genuine concern, and I knew my husband was in there somewhere.

"It's okay Ryan. I understand. We got through it, and we became stronger than ever." I forced a smile. What I said was true. It wasn't easy, but we truly did.