nefelibata | de gea

ix

when she finally confessed
her vivid imaginations about you
you ended all contact with her

perhaps you were afraid, david
afraid of falling in love
afraid of your true feelings
afraid of commitment

is that true david?

that's when you realised
how naïve you had been
do you remember?

it was the subtle things she did
like when you whispered in her ear
shivers ran down her spine
like electricity had shocked her system

when you hugged her too
her arms flew around your neck
and nails ran softly down your back

or how when you entered the room
the corners of her mouth always
twitched upwards slightly
into a wide, bright smile

or like when you texted her
she would text back immediately
with various hearts attached

and when she felt confident enough
that you'd accept her feelings
you threw her away, and for her
everything went back to square one

maybe it wasn't fate, or destiny
that brought you together
maybe it was simply a coincidence

maybe it was because, you too, david
had dreams - wild vivid dreams
of her slender lips touching yours
why didn't you admit it, david?

things would be a lot different now
if you had told her how you felt too
but you didn't, did you?

was it because you had a friendship
and you didn't want to ruin it?
or was it because you were afraid?
afraid of falling in love?

but you did fall in love, david

you fell in love with the way
her hands brushed against yours

you fell in love with the way
your name sounded
when she pronounced it

you fell in love with the way
her pale green eyes sparkled brightly
when you exchanged
friendly i love you's

you fell in love with her, david
even the slight thought of her touching you
made your knees go weak

perhaps the worst thing, david
is that when you denied your feelings
you didn't only lose your soulmate
you lost your best friend too

and when you met ander
he filled part of the void she left
but the gaping hole in your heart
was too large for him to fill

when it rolled around to her birthday
you didn't even wish her well
but now you wished that you did

and ander knew you well enough
to tell that something was wrong
he pestered until you cracked
finally telling him your only secret

his exact words were
"puta madre"
he knew that you messed up

messed up is putting it lightly
as losing your soulmate is
much, much more than that
and you would know that, david

you thought that she'd never
speak to you ever again and
she thought the same about you

and so for months on end
you both longed for each other
wishing for things to go backwards
but it never did

because we can't control time
and however much we wish we could
we can't rewind and fast forward
whenever we want

that would have been good though
because then maybe
you'd get your happy ending
that you always thought you deserved