Collaboration Leads To? [BTS×OC]

Chapter 8

~Joo-Eun'S POV~

When they all left, I couldn't help but cry my eyes out.

Crying? Me? I rarely did in the past few years. But now that they are here, I just couldn't stop myself.

I'm not ready just yet to face them. And I might not be ready forever. I just don't know anything at this point

Why am I afraid to face them, when I haven't even done anything?

I am not afraid because of any reason. Why would I be anyways? I'm just not ready for them to come back to my life again like nothing ever happened. I don't want them to leave me again. I don't want them to break me again. So, how can I not cry when all these stupid thoughts and emotions are bothering me and eating me from inside.

Life isn't easy, is it? No. That's a big no. Life makes you suffer in one way or the other. If you find any happiness, it tries its best to stab you in your back leaving you in unbearable pain, all emotionless and broken! I don't know if I gotta say this, but, life is a bitch which can't see me happy. All those years of suffering and then the most important person of my life leaves me or should I say 'disappears into thin air'? And then another person comes to support me, to lend me his shoulder only to leave me hanging in the middle of the chaos, only to fucking leave me after all those years, only to break me again, more than I already am.

Do you think it's easy to control your emotions for God know how long and even putting on a fake smile just to assure everyone that you are alright, even if they don't care, but they gotta show?

But you know, smiling through the pain shows that you are strong. That you can handle everything on your own.

But it's not for everyone. Those who smile, even though all they want to do is shout, and wail, even though they are trying to collect the pieces of their shattered heart, are not strong.

They are just trying to survive for as long they can. Trying their best to hope that it'll be okay! Even though it won't at all. And when after some time, they stand on their feet struggling to forget everything bad that has come to pass, life as always being the bitch it is, shoves the God damn past in front of their eyes. So close to them, that they can feel the equivalent pain again. That they can feel their heartbreaking again even without touching it.

And this is all just because of the memories that are haunted. Those are traumatic.

But one thing I know for sure is that I can't give up on my life. That's not an option because I did not come this far to back away and let my fears take the best of me. I'm gonna try.

~

While crying I didn't realise the presence of another individual in the room. When I perked up, I saw Hyung sitting in front of me.

"H-Hyung..."

When he appeared in front of me and hugged me, I wailed even louder.

"Sh..sh...It's okay Joo-Eun. I am here now, my little star."

He said while stroking my back. As I was sitting, I hugged him back, my hands wrapping around his torso, face planted in his chest.

"They...they are b-back."

I sobbed quietly in his chest. He began drawing patterns on my back to soothe me. And honestly, it did help.

He kept on saying words that eventually made me feel much better than before.

"Calm down, Joo-Eun. It's okay. Everything is okay."

And after few minutes, as I calmed down and stopped, he asked me,

"Now tell me, who are back?"

He was still drawing circles on my back. I pulled away and stared at my hands, which were placed in my lap, for a good few minutes before breaking the silence.

"M-My brother and........"

"And..?"

"My b-best friend."

I sighed. His mouth formed an 'o' shape. I can understand that he can't say anything right now because he too is shocked beyond imagine to say anything.

"Who are they? I mean, what are their names? If I may ask."

That's right. I never told him about them, who they are or how they look like. I deliberately did that because, if that topic was to be brought up at any moment, even not on purpose, it would trigger memories. So, I tried to avoid it as much as possible.

But now the situation is different. Because they are here. My past is in front of my eyes. How will I control myself around them?

I mean, I can't show them the battle going on inside me. I can't show them how broken I am. I can't show them the terror inside of me.

I can't let them know what happened with me after they left.

No one knows about it. No one knows how much I struggled then.

This is going to be so damn hard. I am still shaking due to these thoughts. And I know, I can't run away like that.

I have to face this situation. The reality. In short, my fear.

But why is God so willing to see me suffer? Isn't it enough, yet? What did I do to deserve this kind of life?

To others, it may seem good. But only I know what is going on in my life, inside me.

Let's just hope I survive.

And this collaboration is also waiting for me. Yay...
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(unedited)

Thanks for reading this shit :)

Take care. Stay safe and hydrated.

BORAHAE 💜