I Ran My Hand Through Your Hair [RayEm]

Chapter 3: Great Now I have to Think

"How was your day with Ray?" Yuugo asked when I walked in. "I'm surprised you don't have any things with you, you usually buy everything you see when you go out."

I looked down. "Well, I did. I just forgot them."

"You forgot them?"

"Yes, now I have to go do homework, you know since I'm so responsible and reasonable and know I shouldn't leave it until last minute."

"Uh, okay." He grabbed my arm as I tried to walked past. "Hey, are you okay kid? You look tired, and not the fun kind."

"Oh I just ran up the stairs and it took me out." I pulled away. "Night."

When I finally reached my room and closed my door, my emotions finally caught up to actions. Shit.

"I'm soooooo fucked." I whispered to myself. "What have I done?"

Okay so what do I do? I've kissed my best friend. I've clearly never done this before and don't know what to do. Telling Yuugo is not a current option, or telling Don, and not even apart of the equation is Ray. Who can help me? At the very moment I asked myself only one person came to mind.

—-

"So why are you calling me out today? Not that I mind I love hanging out but we usually plan a few days ahead." Gilda played with her straw, giving her glasses a small push up.

"Ah right," I paused. "But it's a bit awkward and I need you not to be too weirded out."

"Of course."

I put my elbows in the table and stared right at her. "I impulsively kissed Ray. And this is a bad thing so let that decide your response."

Gilda seemed to have gone through the 5 stages of grief with this news. To be fair I don't blame her.

"Um, okay so what happened after?"

"I-uh, ran away." I said with shame.

"Okay and this happened-"

"Yesterday night."

"Okay and the plan of action is?"

"Nonexistent." I held her hands. "Gilda, what do I do?"

"I dunno, I've never been in this situation. Uh... maybe start thinking about you having subconscious feelings towards Ray?" She shrugged. "Just a thought."

"One that's out of the question." I pulled my hands away, crossing them over my chest.

"But why?"

I rocked my chair back and forth. "Because, it's just weird to think about."

"Why, cause you're scared that you do like him and the idea of your life long relationship with him changing is terrifying?"

"Gilda, what the fuck."

"You're just upset that I might have a point." Her hands reached out to mine, touching again. "Give it good think and update me."

—-

After our conversation I ended up heading home where I found all the things I bought by the door. Well at least now I know he's okay enough to leaving my things outside my door.

I opened my door and carried in all my things, setting them all on my bedroom floor to be dealt with at a later time. In all this mess, the book I had bought yesterday stood out me.

"Does reading this stuff really make you more aware of romance?" My fingers traced the book as I flipped through the pages. "Not like I'm dealing with romance so this wouldn't even help."

Scared that you do like him. Gilda's words rang through my head.

I shook my head, of course not. I'm not capable of being scared of something that isn't possible.

"But she did tell me to at least think about it."

I sighed and went to go lay down on the couch, where I felt less isolated.

"Okay, so you and Ray have known each other since you moved here when you were 8 and Yuugo adopted you. You went to school together, have had sleepovers well into your teen years, talked of everything and nothing, have spent countless hours together, and share many mutual friends." I sat up.

Do I need to keep going to get a proper answer? I laid back down.

"So you and Ray are very different people fundamentally. He's a bit of a cynic and quick to give up things but nonetheless he's smart and is the main voice of reason. You, on the other hand, are more optimistic and cannot give up until you get the outcome you want, but you are not much of a voice of reason and are only smart in academics and are quick on your feet. Most of the time you work well together and keep each other grounded."

A bit more.

"Throughout the years you've been together Ray has been incredibly helpful and fun to be with even without being an exciting person. You care for him dearly."

I finally sat up. What else was there? If I were to think more recently, there's been the funny feeling in the pits of my stomach every time he gets flustered. And when people talking about catching feelings they describe that feeling don't they? Oh no.

"This is bad. I might actually subconsciously like him. Gilda might have been right." I gasped. "And even worse, I have to deal with it."