Pretty Boy (bokuaka)

3) Considering

I layed in bed for hours without falling asleep.

My throat was absolutely killing me but I could live with that. The thing that was keeping me up was the same thing that always keeps me up at night.

He doesn't love me back.

I shouldn't be so hung up on this after so many years of having the disease. There's only one way to contract it: unrequited love. Meaning he would never love me, and why should he?

I'm so stupid. If I could just move on from him, then I could stop being in so much pain every day.

Stupid Kuroo too. If he hadn't asked me that idiotic question, I probably wouldn't have had a coughing fit today. And I wouldn't have coughed up so much blood.

Oh. Im coughing again.

I cover my mouth and sit up out of bed as I try to hack it out of my throat. The petals fall one by one very slowly from between my lips and into my hand.

The coughing only lasts a few minutes this time and about four bloody petals lay in my hand. I stare at their yellow color tainted by the red of my blood and sigh. It hurts my throat.

I begin to consider something I haven't ever wanted to do. The surgery. We've always had enough money to have the procedure done, I've just never wanted it. Having the flowers surgically removed meant I would also not love him anymore. At least for a while, there's no proof that the surgery solves the disease permanently.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, though. I'm in so much pain daily, maybe I should get it done.

I throw away the flowers and get back into bed, closing my eyes this time. I glance at the clock that reads 01:06 before I finally fall asleep.

--

"You ready for the game, akaashi?" coach hit my back lightly with a huge grin on his face.

I nod without a word and go stand next to Bokuto on the court.

"Come on, Akaashi," he says, nudging my arm with his as we watch Nekoma line up on the other side of the net. "You can at least try to look excited for a game every once in a while."

I clear my throat, feeling it start to ache. "No," I say blankly. If I even try to smile at him that would send me rushing to the bathroom or the nearest trash can.

"It was worth a shot," he shrugs, still smiling.

After greeting the other team, we take our spots on the court, Bokuto is up to serve first. The game starts off pretty rough, quickly putting Bokuto in a bad mood. He fumbles a receive, making it fly out of the court.

"Ahh! Dammit!" he shouted as he dropped to his knees dramatically.

Kimi, our libero, shouted to him, "come on, it wasn't that bad! You're our ace remember, get yourself together, okay!"

"Do you mean that?" Bokuto looked up with tears in his eyes. I rolled my eyes and looked back across the net, they were high-fiving and celebrating the point.

"Yes, Bokuto," I say, not looking back to him. "We still have the lead. Don't let them take it from us."

The next few rounds went just as poorly until I made a perfect set and Bokuto noticed his chance, pulling a cut shot out of nowhere and stealing back one of our points.

His excitement roared after that. He was back to being our ridiculously high-energy captain.

Several points later and we won. Nekoma was a tough play but we did get there eventually.

(Sorry Idk how to write a volleyball game lol)

Bokuto jumped with his hands in the air, yelling in excitement as the team crowded around him. He had spiked the final point and won the game for us, making everyone, except me, celebrate loudly.

"Akaashi!" Bokuto yelled as I stepped over next to them. "We won!!"

"Yes we did," I smiled and I hated that I did.

He jumped between our teammates and wrapped his arms over my shoulders, squeezing tightly. My throat and lungs contorted painfully. No, I thought, not now.

Something as small as a hug hasn't set it off in over three tears. Why now? Why does it have to infiltrate every happy moment of my life?

"Bokuto-" I huff, trying to push him away.

"You were amazing out there! It was a great game!" His arms wrapped tighter around me.

"Bokuto- let go-" I push against him again. I start to cough and he finally lets go. As soon as I'm free of his grasp, my sneakers snap against the court and I run off.

"Akaashi?" he shouts after me and I hear him start to follow me.

"Please, just-" I cough and choke on the flower petals. "...Just leave me- alone!"

I made it to the bathroom just outside of the gym and ran into the first stall, locking the door behind me. I dropped to my knees and let my hand away from my mouth and the flowers fell from my lips along with the blood and saliva.

I felt like a cat, hacking on a hairball, it choked me and got caught in my throat. Nothing seemed to be able to stop it, it always felt like that.

I dont know why its been happening more often as of late, I always had it under control. I didn't need to run off during the day either, people didn't need to see it or know that it was happening. I wanted this to stay private.

"Akaashi?"

Fuck. I can't stop coughing long enough to tell him to get out. "Please, just- shit-" my coughing shut off any words I tried to get out.

He walked over and knocked on the door as my eyes watered. "Akaashi are you okay?"

"Yeah!" I shouted, slightly frustrated. "You can go, Bokuto, just-" my coughing takes over again. He hesitates to speak again, clearly unsure what to say.

I'm fairly certain that he's left when my coughing finally comes to a stop. I wipe my mouth, don't even look in the toilet bowl and flush the petals down the drain. I swipe at my eyes, brushing away the tears from my waterline, before turning to leave the locked stall.

"Akaashi, what was that?" I hear Bokuto ask as I open the door, making me flinch.

I look over at him leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. "It was,.." I pause, averting my gaze as his eyes stay locked on mine. "Nothing, Bokuto. Don't worry about it, okay?"

He shakes his head. "You were coughing in there for more than five minutes. You want me to just ignore it?"

"Yes," I walk over to the sink and start washing my hands, I feel blood fill my mouth and spit it out.

"Was that blood??" he walks over to me and luckily the wine red color washed away before he could see it.

"No." I finish washing my hands and turn my back to him to get a paper towel. "Why did you follow me in here anyway?" I dry my hands and throw away the paper before turning around and he answers.

"Well, I wasn't going to. I was just going to tell you about the party."

"Party?"