Pretty Boy (bokuaka)

7) Surgery

TW I think: minor mention of suicide

I didn't go to school on Monday, to rest before the surgery. I got several texts from my classmates and the volleyball team at Fukurodani. Most of which were from Bokuto.

Bokuto: Are you okay?
Bokuto: Why are you not at school?
Washio: Bokuto's worried
Washio: So am I, tbh
Bokuto: Can you answer me
Sarukui: Are you really sick?
Sarukui: Get better, okay
Etc.

I don't answer them as I'm eating my lunch, both of my parents are at work. As I finish chewing my last bite of my meal, I reach for my phone to answer Bokuto. I don't feel like talking to anyone else.

Me: I'm okay.
Me: Just sick.

He replies quickly.
Bokuto: Are you sure you're okay? I'm starting to get worried about you

Me: Yes, I'm fine.

Bokuto: ...do you have medicine to make you feel better?

Me: I'm actually getting surgery tomorrow.
Me: I'll be fine after that

Bokuto: SURGERY?!
Bokuto: what the hell???

Me: right. Sorry.
I forgot that surgery would be big news for him to hear.
Me: I'm not going to be able to play volleyball for a while either.

Bokuto: We're not just gonna brush over this! Wth are you getting surgery for?!

Me: My lungs are shit right now.

We talk for a little while longer about what's wrong with me. He never asks specifically what my condition is and I'm thankful for that because I can leave him in the dark.

I also got a call from Kuroo as I was cleaning my plate. The food had severely hurt my throat, but I knew I had to eat. I find my phone at the dining table and answer it.

"What do you want?" I ask bluntly.

He sighs, "I want to apologize."

I take a deep breath. "Oh. What for?"

He chuckles slightly and I shake my head, annoyed that he'd laugh. "I'm smarter than most people, you know that. I may be an idiot sometimes, but I know what's going on with you." He pauses, "...and that's why I'm sorry."

"You.." I hesitate to speak. "You know what it is don't you?"

I can sense him nodding before he speaks up. "Yeah. Hanahaki, right? Flower spit up. I didn't actually see it, none of us did, but the way you reacted to the kiss, it could only mean-"

He stopped short as I started coughing. Dammit, I wasn't even thinking of the kiss! "F- fuck you, Kuroo-" I huff out between coughs as I hold my head over the trash can in the corner of the kitchen. Once I finish coughing a few moments later, I headed down the hall to the bathroom. I found my rescue pill bottle and opened it up, dropping the last pill into my palm and quickly swallowing it.

"Sorry, are you okay?" Kuroo asked once I had it down.

I nod and take a deep breath, "this has been getting worse recently, you can't just say shit like that."

"Sorry, I didn't know."

"I know."

He hesitates to speak once again. "I know that hanahaki can be... fatal. Are you going to die because of what I did..?"

I shake my head, "I'm getting surgery to remove the flowers tomorrow. It wouldn't be your fault if I do end up dying, you know. Don't be foolish."

"If?" he asks. "Theres a chance you won't make it?"

"If there's complications," I shrug. "Its a slim chance of death. I'm not scared." I am.

He doesn't answer for a while. I would almost think he fell asleep if I didnt know he was currently at school during his lunch break.

"Well," he says, "I'm scared for you then. Because you love him, you should want to live too."

"I do want to live," I say and I can tell my tone isn't very convincing but it is the truth.

--

When I woke up Tuesday afternoon, my chest immediately hurt. Not the kind of hurt that came from a lack of breath or flowers in my lungs. It was a sore kind of hurt. As I looked down at my chest, I could see two bloody scars stitched up and dried. I tried to sit up, but felt my entire body ache from the small movement I had pulled.

A hand rested on my shoulder, drawing my attention to it's owner. Mom. "Don't get up, the doctor said you need to rest."

I nod and lay back against the too-soft pillows. "So it worked, I guess. I'm still alive."

She nods, face solemn. "Keiji," she says and I twist my neck to look at her. She has her eyes locked onto her hands resting uneasily in her lap. "Have you ever thought about dying?"

"What do you mean?"

"The way you've been talking about death recently, it has me worried." She looks up as a tear falls from her left eye. "It makes me think that-" she stops and shakes her head, unable to say it aloud.

I can though. I know what she's thinking and she's wrong. "My life may be complete shit right now," I start and she looks up to meet my eyes again, "but I'm not suicidal. I promise."

She takes a deep breath and nods shakily, she knows I'm always honest with her when it's serious. She's relieved. "Okay, then-" she stops and runs her hand through my dark hair. "He's here. I- I'm guessing you told him that you'd be here, so he's outside talking to your father right now."

"Who?"

"Bokuto, of course."