Afterglow

crisp

The snowy atmosphere mingled with my tiny spasming breaths as my lungs couldn't seem to gather in enough air to keep me sane.

I pulled away from Evan, just like I pulled away from everyone after I'd found out the truth, but in that moment it had more to do with self preservation than emotional detachment.

My gaze locked on Vera across the courtyard and I found my out. 

"I'm going to go talk to Vera.  We're good right?"

I desperately pleaded that his answer would be short and sweet, my resolve crumbling as the seconds ticked by.

"Yeah, absolutely.  I'll see you later tonight for the dorm advisory meeting?"

"Of course, I'll sit with you," I said in parting and barely made it a few feet from him before pulling my cellphone out of my pocket and checking my notifications. 

My knees almost collided with the hard earth below me as I exhaled a breath filled with relief and slow dissolving panic.  

A few of my classmates had liked some of my pictures from a few weeks ago.  Those were the notifications I had assumed were from the person I never wanted to hear from ever again.  I turned my phone to silent mode and turned my notifications to 'silent' as well so that I wasn't blindsided again.

The residual effects from the terror induced moment quickly ebbed into anger.  I was angry- angry that this man could strike such fear into my heart with just a single click on a cellphone.  It wasn't right, and it wasn't fair.  I would have to find a way to take my power back from him, if only I could figure out how. 

My feet moved of their own accord, marching towards Vera as my arms wrapped themselves around my body to ward off the crisp twenty degree weather, with even my eyelashes seeming to freeze together in alliance with the frigid air.

"Hey hon, how'd that go?"

I accepted Vera's outstretched arm when I reached her and placed one arm around her shoulders while she did the same with mine.  I was grateful to have her, all the more reason I couldn't tell her what I had discovered in California.  I was terrified that she would view me differently- like I was tainted, dirty...the same way that I viewed myself every time I gazed in a mirror.

I used to be able to enjoy looking at my reflection.  I used to like the person staring back at me.

God, how I wished that I could just go back to that naive girl that hadn't gone poking around in her dad's computer files.  I had been so desperate to find my birth parents, that I didn't take into account the ramifications of what would happen after I did so. 

"As well as can be expected.  I had to let him down easy, again, and apologize for how Lachlan basically humiliated him in front of everyone but even worse was that I started it!  I was so stupid, I fell right into his trap!"

We walked together, arms slung across each other's shoulders, legs matching perfect pace even with her shorter legs trying to keep up with mine. 

"You can't control someone else's actions, especially Lachlan's.  Blythe has been telling me some things about him and...well, you have to promise you can't say anything, to anyone."

"Do you know me?  Of course I'll keep it quiet.  Come on, spill the tea!"

She laughed as we began kicking our legs out to the side in synchronization, causing us to lose our balance quite a few times but we just laughed and kept on going. 

"Well," she began, lowering her voice dramatically.

"He's been acting out, more than usual.  Smoking pot in the pool house, cigarettes in his room, drinking hard liquor right in front of his parents, getting into yelling matches with them over nothing, even going so far as to yell at Blythe.  He told her, 'you have no idea who these people are.  Keep sticking your head in the sand and being a naive little bitch' or something to that effect.  It got so bad one night that she came over to my house to stay the night."