Born Of Regret (Discontinued)

After School

Warning: Remus being Remus, Gay, Anxiety, and mentions of past self harm.
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    Once we had dropped Patton off, Jan and I headed to our neighborhood. We stopped at a Gas station a few blocks away from our road and got drinks. As I leaned against the car, sipping the soda Janus had gotten me despite how many times I told him I would pay.
    I wanted to tell him about what was going on with me, god he’s my childhood best friend. But I can’t… I don’t wanna risk him severing what we have.
    “Virgil! You’re making yourself bleed!” I hadn’t even noticed I had been biting my lip. When he revealed what I had been doing to myself I tasted the blood.
    “Fuck, I didn’t even notice..” I mutter putting my hand up to my lip gently licking the wound as a natural response. “It’s not too bad, I won’t bleed on your car, even if I did it's not that hard to clean up.” I told him with a slight smile.
    “Your fine, but how do you know how to clean up blood?” He asked as I rubbed the back of my neck before taking another sip of my drink in order to avoid this conversation.
    “Take a guess.” I muttered getting back in the car as he put the gas pump back and closed the tank lid. I put my drink in the holder along with his before he got in and turned the car back on.
    “Sorry.” He apologized before we continued home. Once we got in front of Jan’s house we both got out after returning the car to his driveway.
    “Hey V, could I look at your hand? Redo the bandages?” He asked, making a cold sweat build on my back. I sighed and rubbed my unwrapped one against my neck.
“Maybe not now, the painkillers have worn off so it hurts right now.” I quickly muttered out, “Oh fuck, he can tell when I’m lying.” I smiled sheepishly, leaning against the car keeping my “Injured” hand to my chest.
    “Is there something you’re not telling me?” The sound of hurt in his words made me feel like dropping everything, but I couldn’t. Not until I know more. I looked up at him and sighed before smiling at him.
“Not that I’m aware of Jan.” I knew it was wrong not to tell, but I don’t know his reaction. A piece of me doesn’t want to know and that's probably a good thing. “Don’t worry, I won’t let him touch it.” I said waving my hand as I started to walk back to my apartment.
     After he said his goodbye, I continued to walk, at least I could think about what's wrong with me. I tighten my grip on my hoodie sleeve, simply due to the anxiousness I get from walking alone. I gave a look to my surroundings, I know my home was only a block away. I sighed as I got to my home. Looking at the place, my father’s car wasn’t out front, so he wasn’t here. Perfect, I can make dinner for my mom before he gets home.
    “I’m home!” I yelled out as I walked inside. I got no response… “She’s asleep. Just put your stuff away and then go tuck her in.” I bit my lip as I quickly walked up the stairs, my breath shaking from the thought she had been knocked out once again.
    I dropped my bag onto my office chair before unwrapping my hand looking at the healed skin. “I still don’t understand this…” I muttered to myself as I jogged down the stairs. I opened the door to her room, my heart pounding as I peered inside.
    “Mom?” I squeaked out quietly before sighing, overtaken by my relief. She was sleeping no signs of any harm. I walked over to my mother before sweeping her dirty blond hair off of her forehead planting a kiss on it. “I love you.”
    I left the room, closing the door quietly before pulling my phone from my pocket. “It’s after 5, I should start on dinner.” I walked over to the kitchen before looming around the cabinets. I pulled out a box of instant rice along with some canned chicken. I boiled some chicken broth before my phone rang, I completely forgot about the wellness call.
    I wiped my hands clean on a towel before answering the call and joining.
    “Virgil! What are you up to?” Patton’s voice rang through the phone audio overlapped by Roman and Remus fighting from Roman’s call.
    “I’m doing fine Pat, cooking dinner.” I said before grabbing the box and remembering my hand. My eyes widened as I quickly put the box down then hid my hand in my hoodie. “I’ll be right back!” I say trying to hide the shakiness in my voice.
    As I walk off I hear the other acnollage Janus and Logan joining, I grabbed my fingerless gloves before pulling it over my hand. I sighed before walking back and turning down the heat of the stove before adding the rice and chicken. “What you makin Virgin?” Remus says making the others ask similar questions.
    “Chicken and Rice, My grandma’s recipe.” I said cracking a slight smile before looking over at the call, Remus had drawn another fake mustache on his face, Patton was eating a bit of apple which was a breath of relief for me. Logan was trying to explain the main plot of a book he had been reading to Roman without much luck.
    “That sounds good!” Remus said with a chuckle before getting an evil smirk on his face. “I would dig into that like my crush’s dick!” I felt like puking once he said that, in fact I think Patton almost did.
    “Remus, we have a child here!” Janus called out his cheeks were noticeably red in my opinion but none of the other’s seemed to notice. I smirked knowing what that entailed from how well I knew him.
    I sighed and leaned against the counter before hopping onto it and leaning against a cabinet instead. “Emo Nightmare, care to explain Gym today?” Roman’s voice came through the phone in the familiar tone of the perfect mix of starstruck and brooding.
    “Oh, I um.. Just don’t like seeing my friends hurt.” I muttered out my cheeks covered with a red tint from the embarrassment. I hate being complimented, I’m not very used to it so it makes me uncomfortable.
    “Still I never expected you to be that athletic.” Logan's voice joined the conversation, I looked over at my phone not noticing my head tilting.
“You should definitely help Roman with his workouts. He’s pretty lazy.” Remus added to the conversation before smirking and pulling up a 10lb weight. “He can only do 5 curl ups with this.”
    Next thing everyone knew Roman was in Remus’s room, this was clarified by the yelp that came from the now black screen. I held back a laugh before sturing what I was cooking, it took a few minutes before Roman was heard entering his room as Remus lifted up his camera.
    “Don’t worry i’ll give him some tips.” I said with a smile before turning the stove to simmer and putting a lid on the small pot. “Turn.” I looked over at the door, it led to my mother’s room, I saw the handle drift as it was opened. I sighed with relief as my mom walked out of the room, her favorite jacket draped over her torso. I adjusted my own, my scent was woven into fabrics from the years of wearing it.
    “Mom, say hi to the guys!” I called over to her before grabbing two bowls from a nearby cabinet. I put one next to my phone, and started to fill the other one as my mom sat at the table.
    “Hey boys, how are you five doing?” She asked as all of them said a hello. I walked over to her, putting the bowl in front of her after adding a fork.
    “Let it cool Mama.” I said with a smile before looking back at my phone.
    “Virgil, you should eat before you get off. At least to give Pat peace of mind.” Jan’s joined the conversation making me nod. I scooped some into the second bowl before moving to the fridge. I snagged a bottle of soy sauce before returning to the call.
    “Hey Logan, how was your math class today? You're already taking college hard courses as a sophomore.” I said as I mixed in the soy sauce to my food. I capped the lid and then opened the fridge returning it as he responded.
    “It’s fun actually, though as the..” The sound of rustling could be heard as I returned to my food, “Geek. That response is expected.” I smiled watching him put down the flash cards he had. Logan had been diagnosed with alexithymia when he was younger.

((Alexithymia is a subclinical phenomenon involving a lack of emotional awareness or, more specifically, difficulty in identifying and describing feelings))

    “You're not a Geek Logan, just smart.” Jan spoke, it was relaxing to hear the other’s agreement considering Remus tends to call us by our stereotypes, though Roman only really does it to me.
    “Yeah, you’re great!” Patton added quite a bit more enthusiasm than he expected. His face became immediately rosey as he put his phone face down. Pat was always embarrassed when it came to stuff like this.
    We all laughed, though Logan did as well but he seemed a tad confused. I cleaned up my bowl and then spoon before returning to my phone. “Hey I gotta clean up dinner. I’m gonna leave for the night alright?” I asked as I smiled at them. I felt good for once, plus we had been on the call for an hour and I needed to try out my new abilities.
    After we said our goodbyes, I ended the call and began to clean. I hummed to myself as I scooped the leftovers into a tupperware box. Adding the lid before putting it into the fridge then I moved the pot to the sink, spilling water into it as I began to clean.
    Once I finished the dishes my eyes drifted around the living room, when dad wasn't home the house was way too quiet. Guess that's the only downside when he’s away, how quiet it is. My mother had gone back to her room, so I could probably test what’s wrong with me.
    I snagged a cup of water before walking to my room. After I had settled in my room I took a few gulps of my drink before I put it down. I sighed as I walked over to the end table in the corner of my personal space. I pulled the bottom drawer open and pulled out the one thing I have mixed feelings about owning.
    Inside the drawer was a black box, the top of it had very slight discoloration from an unknown substance. I pulled out and set it out in front of me before closing the drawer.
    I run my fingers through my hair, the dark brown strands with their recently added purple shown over my eyes. My hair was softer than my mothers, yet another of my many traits I stole from my dad. I brushed my bangs to the side with a huff, it’s time to test.

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Word Count: 1.9k
Characters: Virgil, Janus, Patton, Logan, Roman, Remus, Mrs. Storm