Its Okay To Not Be Okay

8.5K 224 90
                                    

"Why exactly did she have to come with us again?" Sokka whispered not so quietly to Zuko in the oversized basket of the war balloon.

"I can hear you, ponytail." Kai said, "And I already told you, I want to play with some magma. It's made of pure minerals so if I can figure out how to bend it, we'll be at a serious advantage."

The three of them had set out early in the morning before day break, scribbling a note for the others so that they wouldn't think anything of their absence. Zuko had beat Sokka to Appa, refusing to let him leave on his own, and Kai had beat them both to the war balloon with the same tactic, except one step ahead.

"There won't be any playtime, Kai. Boiling Rock is a dangerous place, we get in and then out and we never look back." Zuko opened the hatch of the tank and blew more fire into it, keeping them afloat.

They sat in silence for quite a while, keeping their distance from one another. Kai's skin itched as if it were infested with mealworms from the awkwardness of the situation.

"You know, a friend of mine actually designed these war balloons." Sokka said, trying to fill the thin air between them. "Teo's dad. Back when he used to, uh.. build things... for war."

Zuko stoked the fire again. "I guess the Earth Kingdom is just as good at war as the Fire Nation is. Or at least that's the case with our fathers." He said, implying that General Fong would have been just as much of a tyrant as Ozai, given the chance.

Sokka said something about being good at war "running in the family", and Kai didn't take offense. He was right, after all. But Zuko's eyes became downcast, "My uncle wasn't like that... he was more of a father to me. I think I really let him down..."

His words hit Kai like a sucker punch to the ribs, sharp and painful. Standing up to her father hadn't been difficult, returning to him hadn't been, either. But for months following her banishment, Kai couldn't help but to feel as if she'd let Master Bumi down. He'd put so much work into her, instilled so much wisdom, and it'd all be a waste. She was a waste.

Kai slumped back into a seated position against the wall of the basket. She knew that Zuko hadn't disappointed Iroh, he'd told her that himself. But admitting such would force her to consider that perhaps she hadn't disappointed Bumi either, and she knew that that just wasn't true.

Night fell against and Kai slept soundly on the floor of the war balloon. Sokka sat across from her, buried in the corner with his eyes cast up at the shimmering sky. Zuko kept a watchful eye over his girlfriend, looking for signs that she was being haunted by forces unfamiliar to him once again. She twitched a few times, but that was all, no whimpering or tears or searching with her hands for comfort like all of the nights since they'd started sharing a bed back at the air temple.

"I think your uncle would be proud of you." Sokka said quietly, gaining Zuko's attention. "Leaving your home to come help us? That's hard."

Zuko cast more fire into the helm. "It wasn't all that hard." He glanced again down at Kai as she shifted in her sleep, wondering if he would've made the same decision had she not been a factor in this equation.

"She tried to go back for you, y'know." Sokka said. "She was ready to risk it all to make sure you made it out alive."

"I know."

Zuko didn't feel the same hot, jealous anger that he had previously toward Sokka. They'd all gotten mixed up, the three of them, and in doing so they'd hurt other people along the way — Mai and probably Suki too, once she found out.

"Thanks, Sokka." He continued, "I don't know specifics, I don't want to know... but thank you for taking care of her. She can be handful."

Sokka gazed lovingly up at the moon, obscured only partially on this clear night.

Burnt Out - Zuko x OCWhere stories live. Discover now