Broken Girl [Arthur Leclerc]

Sleepyhead ✔

"Lullaby and goodnight
Baby, tuck in your sorrows
Find a way to drown it out somehow
Go to sleep, rest your head
You can worry tomorrow
These are things you can't change."
Sleepyhead; Gabbie Hanna

-

Jacqueline was looking out of the window of the plane, watching Cote d'Azur getting further and further from her. As much as she was trying, she couldn't shake off the anxious feeling inside. She has never been out of Monaco again, having no idea what to expect. Her father keeps telling her how beautiful the island is and how great people are there. But is it really true? What if he is lying to her? What if he still sees everything with the pink glasses on his nose? Jacqueline could not make herself believe that her father's island is perfect.

She doesn't believe in perfection anymore, it's bullshit. Nothing is perfect, that's only an illusion. Everything has its own defects. Some of them are minor, some major. But there is nothing like a perfect life, it cannot be. Of course, everything would be so easy. No struggles, no tears, no anxious feelings. Only success, smile, and happiness. But how boring would life be if everything was perfect? And how would we improve as humans if there were no mistakes and no obstacles?

Jacqueline shook her head, trying to push these philosophical thoughts that have been haunting her ever since. It was weird for her, she has never thought like this before. But on the other hand, it was a blessing. She sees the world differently, not as naive as she used to do. She almost feels embarrassed by how stupid she was. But no-one taught her how to see the world.

Her grandmother was a saint, but she never showed Jacqueline the reality, she kept her hidden from others. It was understandable, she didn't want her to be bullied because of who she is. She made her believe that everybody has ideal lives while she is a failure. She thought that she is the one who doesn't deserve being happy like others. But the truth is that others also have problems. Some of them are dealing with the same shit as Jacqueline. And the person with the brightest smile could have the most broken soul.

Jacqueline picked up her bag from the ground. Apart from the pilot and a very kind flight attendant, she was alone on the board. She was glad because she wasn't really in a chatty mood. But on the other hand, she would love to talk to someone, maybe it will help her to stop overthinking everything. Jacqueline took out a book and put the bag on the ground. Before she left, Pascalle gave her a novel.

The Great Gatsby by Francis Scott Fitzgerald. Jacqueline has never read it, she is not a literature lover. She only read for school, and it was pure hell. She was fed up with depressed people and awful clichés. She could not relate to the people in the stories. Even though some characters reminded her of what she is going through, she didn't want to read it. Mostly because their lives never end well, and she didn't want to give herself ideas or inspiration. And she didn't want to take her hope away.

Jacqueline was actually surprised that she managed to keep reading longer than five minutes. She was somehow captivated by the mysterious aura of Jay Gatsby, the rich man whose spectacular parties were well-known all around the city of New York. He had everything he would ever want, his life looked perfect. But all he ever wanted was to be with Daisy, the love of his life. He created this whole persona, hoping that one day, she will come to his party. He got hope, he never stopped believing. Just like Jacqueline never stopped hoping that things will eventually get better.

Jacqueline had to put away the book when she started feeling overwhelmed by the story. She would never guess that some sentences written on the paper could actually mean something to her. She probably won't finish it because she feels that the ending will break her heart, and she is not ready for it. Something was telling her that Gatsby won't end up happy, and she didn't want to witness his downfall. Jacqueline looked out of the window, seeing the sundown, the bright beams of light shining straight at her face. She covered her eyes with her hand and pulled down the shade. A few minutes later, the attendant came with the dinner and then left Jacqueline on her own again.