When the Snow Melts

Then Just Live

"Ri-chan?" I jolted up at the sound of her voice.How long was I out? I can't seem to process what happened.

"Hotaru..."  Thinking of what to say,it only resulted in her worrying about me.

"Daijyobu yo Ri-chan,I'll be out of here in a week and be back!" She smiled sadly. It was already summer and the school festival was taking place.At least,I wanted to walk around with her...

------

Bam

Huh?

'Quick,she's having a seizure!'

Huh..

'I'm afraid to say this but,she has less than two years.'

Huh?

Tears fell from my eyes like a waterfall,two years? For what? Don't fuck with me...!

'WHAT DO YOU MEAN TWO YEARS?!'

'I'm sorry but that was the best we could do...'

Don't fuck with me...

'...ngh...graduation...is j-just ar-around...the..corner....'

She came to graduation.But I regretted that moment,seeing her with a wheelchair,the third-years glanced at her.

"Let's take a selfie?" I suggested.

"Sure Ri-chan." 

-------

"Y..o...Ri-chan..." She was lying in bed surviving on the small plastic tube wrapped around her nostrils. 

"Yo Hotaru. You see,I didn't tell you everything back then,is it okay now?" It's better to talk when she can't. She nodded accepting my selfish request.

"Well,university is going well,I talked to a few people.More or less." She slowly smiled.

"It hurts you know," my tears came rolling down,it's unfair. How can she keep smiling at that state? 

"I couldn't care less if I died...b-but..I'm...ngh..." Hotaru tugged my shoulder,I looked up to see her holding her phone. Okay...

"But you're wanted alive by the people around you."

I nodded and glanced away from her screen but she kept typing. Carrying on such contradictions...

Ha....I think I'll get yelled at.

"But it's ok Ri-chan.People come and go. I'm leaving soon,so I want you to do what you want.I want to see Ri-chan do what she wants before I go."

What if I told you that I wanted to die? That I wanted to die so bad,but I was too scared to die. 

Happiness,farewells,love and friendship.They're all goods that can be bought with money,but I...don't like that idea anymore...

"Aghhhh....H-ho-hotaru..." I fell and grasped her tiny waist,it was so weak,so small.

But so precious. Just like a gem.

"I might just die tomorrow you know,everything might just end up being for naught..."

She showed me her text,I could already hear her sobbing from above,our long hair of polar opposites were blended,our cries were harmonized.

"I-i..don't...n-ne-need dreams...o-or a to-tomorr...ngh...be-because..." 

I'm pathetic and stupid.

Mornings,nights,spring,summer,autumn and winter,unchanging,surely,someone dies somewhere. 

"I-in the e-end.."

All of us will rot away like fallen leaves.

"Ri..." I slowly got up from the position and wiped off my tears.

I'm pathetic.

"Y-you ca-can use...y-you ph-phone." I sniffed.

"B-but...r-re-regard-regardless...we live on...fr-fra-frantical..ly...sho-shoul-shouldering o-our l-li-lives...w-we..live..on...Ri...chan" I kept crying and sobbing,Hotaru,I'm sorry. 

Live.

I'm sorry,Hotaru.

Live.

I've been blinded so much by my past...and cursing it ...

Live.

Ne..Hotaru what's the value of a life..?

Live.

"I-if...I-i..ngh...I .." What do I want...?

A person who wants to throw away life and a person who treasures life that's being thrown away...

"I...w-want t-to sp-spend...mo-more ti-time...w-with you..aghh..Hotaru..." 

I want to live...

"Th-then...ju-just...l-li-live..." I can hear it Hotaru. I can hear you...

'Then just live!'

You've shown me so much,taught me so much and here I am...being so selfish towards you. I hugged her head gently. She was sobbing in my arms,clenching my green jumper. How much time...do I have left with her...?

-----

"Miss,would you like to add anything else?" The shopkeeper asked.

"No tulips are fine." I said and he wrapped up the bouquet. I hope Hotaru likes it.

The same old corridor,the familiar faces and the same old room. I slid it open,Hotaru's room was locked,shading her from the cruel winter. Autumn came and went.

"Yo Hotaru." I called out as I handed her the flowers.Her reaction got dimmer and slower.She took her time turning her head to me and smiled dryly. I pulled the tulips back and sat on the usual chair.

She tried leaning her back,but I had to help. She smiled again,I love her smiles.They would always reassure me,so I smiled back.She pointed to her desk,her phone.I took notice and grabbed it,I handed it over to her.

"There's one thing I forgot to tell you."

She presented me her screen.No..please don't...

Her motion was decelerating each moment.The moment I wish never came. Please,don't say it.

"I like it when you smile."

Damn these tears,they keep falling out without permission,I reached for her hand and held it.No I can't cry.I don't want to cry.

"Really?Aha,but Hotaru's smile is my favorite." I tried to act happy.I'm sure I look horrible while smiling and crying at the same time.She slowly nodded and closed her eyes,very slow. 

Her hand slipped.

"Ho...ta...ru..? Hotaru? Hotaru! HOTARU!"  No,no,no.Those can't be your last words,you dumb ass. Wake up,stupid. Wake...up...I don't want to admit this..I don't want this...

If Kamisama existed...can I ask for more time?

"Nghh...aghh...oya...su..mi..." I caressed her corpse and mourned as much as I wanted,as long as I wanted to.Becasue when dawn comes...she'll be gone...if I call the doctors,they'll only take her away from me.So for the last time,let me embrace her...

Time is precious. Time turns into experiences.

'What happens when the snow melts?'

Experiences turn into memories.

'It becomes water of course.'

Memories become emotions.

'No silly!When the snow melts...'

And emotions become a part of you...

'Spring comes!'

Daijyobu yo-It's okay/It's fine
Kamisama-God(In Japanese)
Oyasumi-Goodnight