Ties That Bind

Chapter Ten- An Unwanted Guest

~~Brinkley's point of view~~

It has been three days since Aiden's death. Between him and Adair, my mind is full. I can't think or want to think about anything outside of my children and Aiden. We had our virtual meeting with the judge; he automatically granted the adoption based on abandonment; Adair is legally ours; I now have a daughter. It wasn't how I thought it would be, but I don't love her any differently from my boys.

I haven't left the hospital; Zoltan has had no choice; he has been making Aiden's arrangements. Everyone here has been accommodating, and Monique comes to see me daily. She is the hospital's social worker, so her office is here. She has been a bright light in all the dark.

Zoltan has set the funeral for Friday. Monique has agreed to come to sit with Adair while we all go to his service. The police said that they would be watching in case Lauren decided to show up. She hasn't tried to contact anyone, so I assume she wouldn't show up there.

The cops had gone to her parents' place. They refused to talk to them and said to contact their lawyer. The judge had also called them before he had decided Adair. They told him that they wanted nothing to do with Lauren or her fucked up life.

Three days. It has been three days, but it feels like a whole year rolled into one. It has been a lot. Adair's lungs are getting healthier, but her withdraws are terrifying. They scare me. She will let out blood-curdling screams; They bring tears to my eyes every time.

I don't leave, though. She's mine, and I am here. I fight tears daily. I won't say that I haven't let them fall because I have. I am human, after all. I do it when they make me leave to do checks. An hour and a half every day is the time I spend away from her.

During that time, I shower, eat, and sit in the waiting room and wait. If Zoltan isn't here, we usually call or text. The nurse had taken Adair, so I make my way to the Ronald McDonald hall and the room they so graciously let us have. I get my clothes out and set them on the bed. I make my way to the bathroom and strip down.

I turn the water on and get under the steaming hot water. I wash my hair; I place my hands against the tiles and cry. This is the one place no one can see me. I feel arms come our me. I turn to see Zoltan in the shower with me in nothing but his underwear. I leap into his arms and just let him hold me.

As the water starts to get cold, he takes the washcloth and washes my body. Neither of us speaks at all. Once he finishes, he rinses my body then lifts me out of the shower. He takes a towel and dries my body; then he dries my hair. Once I am dry, he picks me up and carries me to the bed.

He lays me down, then strips his underwear off. He climbs in the bed behind me. We lay in silently in the spooning position. No words, no sexual contact. Just much needed silent understanding.

I must have fallen asleep. I wake up to find Zoltan gone. I get up, get dressed then pick up my phone.

Shit.

It's past time I should have been back. I see that I have text messages. I check them now because I can't in the NICU.

~~Text conversation~~

Brinkley: "Hey, where did you go?"

Zoltan: "I had to go finish up Adrian's funeral. I will be back later then I am all yours."

I smile. He has been amazing through all of this.

Brinkley: "Ok. I am running way behind. I overslept."

Zoltan: "I turned the alarm off before I left. You needed rest, Sweetheart. I spent time with her before I left."

Brinkley: "Ok. I am going to her now."