Tyler Joseph - Random Short Stories.

Lust or Love?

Warnings: mild description of sex. Super super mild. Also profanity :)

Words 935

I stare outside of the living room window. The same window that I stare out of every rainy night. The same exact window that, only hours ago, I watched the one person left in my life prance off angrily with his bags in his hands.

I feel pressure on my bladder, but I don't feel the urge to move. I like the game of trying to hold it in for as long as I can. It keeps my mind from wandering to the darkest side of my brain, and it keeps me from feeling the need to cry. Then again, I should probably want to feel sad than be willing to play this stupid game three years olds probably play.

My eyes won't leave the driveway. Only are my eyes occasionally wondering to a car passing my road, my spirits being lifted at the thought of it being him. Unfortunately, hope lies a lot, and it slowly deflates from my mind.

I rip my eyes from the driveway, narrowing them onto the gem on my finger. I still don't believe I want marriage. The ring feels wrong on my finger and I can't seem to stop thinking about it.

When I shook my head, my anxiety making me shake in front of him, I could see the hurt spread across his face. It's not my fault. He knows my stance on marriage. He seemed to still have hope until I squeaked out a small "I can't."

No matter my decision on marriage, it burned my tongue to say it. And my eyes burned with tears when I saw his expression fade from hurt to anger. He was quicker than a fish out of water as he stood from his knee, dropped the ring onto the floor, and headed towards the closet for a suitcase. "Then why the fuck are we together!?" He shouted.

I know his anger wasn't completely genuine. It was also full of regret, embarrassment and, worst of all, pain. Anger is his way to hide his other emotions. I tried to explain my reasoning, the one that I have told him many times, but I was too shaken up to speak. The words would not come to my lips.

And before I knew it, he was out the door and I was watching him through the huge window. I haven't moved since.

Pressure builds up at the sides of my jaw, and my eyes ache with tears. The gem on my finger begins to sparkle because of the tears forming. I slowly take off the ring, letting it fall to the ground, and I watch as it lands right under the window. I should probably give the ring back. It isn't mine. Not anymore.

HIM.

Incoherent words flood out of my mouth quickly as my hand shuffles across the page. I'm supposed to be writing words, but all
I am doing is scribbling dark pencil all over the stupid page. Nothing is coming to me. I swear I'm going insane.

Seven days.

Seven fucking days without y/n and I can't think straight. I need her. More than she needs me apparently and it pains me to face that reality.

It's been harder than drug withdrawal to stay away from her contacts on my phone. All I would need to do is hit call and I would hear her beautiful voice. I could tell her I need her. She could come over and we could please each other. Just one more time.

The only problem is that it won't be one time. Like an addiction, I'll beg her to stay with me. I wouldn't be able to let her go, and I would give in to the whole 'no marriage' bullshit.

I grew up in a family who praised the idea of marriage, and I have always pictured my future self with a wife. Why can't I just find someone who wants the same?

Why do I have to be completely and utterly attached to a woman who doesn't even give me what I truly want?

I'm going completely insane with these assaulting thoughts. Why must she bring me into her game? Why couldn't she have picked someone else to bump into at that music store?

I shut my eyes, propping my forehead up with my fingers. I immediately see y/n under me, her breathing heavy as she mimics my quick movements.

All this is is lust. Where's the love in the relationship? All I have is an addiction to the way she feels. I have an addiction to how experienced she is, not by the thoughts she has or the way she talks.

I open my eyes, my pupils landing onto my ukulele. I smile at the memory of y/n sitting down and trying to tune the damned thing. She ended up messing it up and she burst out laughing at the inaccuracy. She's great, but she definitely doesn't have a talent in music like me.

I roll my eyes, turning my gaze to a mirror that's hung up on the wall across the room. This is the rollercoaster of emotions I feel. I try to convince myself all it is is lust and I only end up falling harder. Lust is a big part of our relationship, but it is not all of it.

She's special to me, and that's why I can't get her damn smile out of my brain.

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I honestly don't know. I felt like writing and literally have no way to end this happily... so I'm leaving it here.

Also, don't ask me why I didn't even put Tyler's name in here løl