To Love or Not to Love || A Taekook Fanfic

Prologue

Read the first book 'Fake Boyfriend' before reading this!

Dear one who I loved a lot before,

To love or not to love you is what I ask myself day and night. Every single day pains when I remember those horrible words you said to me. I thought you loved me, but it looks like you never did. My pain...can you feel it too? Do you feel guilty for breaking my heart? Tell me, do you feel the same pain my heart feels right now?

Every single thing reminds me of you. The smell of chocolate now drives me insane and makes me cry till there is not one tear left behind. Being in a place where I have seen you multiple times is heart-breaking. I am going away to America because living here is a curse and seeing you is painful. I am pretty sure you will feel happy when I leave. I hope you are happy now.

I am writing this letter to you, but not sending it to you. You probably won't read it, so there is no point in wasting my time and yours. Those words you said to me when you were drunk, did you mean it? Did you mean all of it? Oh yeah, right. Drunk people just blabber something. But it pains to know that sometimes they do tell the truth. So...was yours the truth?

I have always loved you and I always wanted you to love me back the same way as I do. That day when you said that you liked me to that kind lady, was it a joke? It didn't look like one, so why?

I am sick and tired and yet I write you this letter. Why am I even doing this? Because I can't tell anyone my pain except to you. So I am writing it down since you don't want to talk to me and I don't want to talk to you. 

I don't like heartbreaks and I hope we never meet again. My heart is broken into pieces and it pains a lot. Each piece has stabbed every part of my soul and I can't seem to get over it. 

Do me a favor...can you pray that we never meet? Can we not see each other or even breath each others' name? It would be better for me and as for you, I don't think you care.

To love or not to love you...what should I choose? I choose not to love, but a small piece of my heart begs me to give you another chance. It still believes that this is all a lie and you still love me deep inside. How can I tell it that whatever you said was the truth? It still has hopes that you will come back and I hate it. Hate it that it still wants you even after all this.

You were right. We were never meant to love each other. Because now, I hate you. I really hate you.

*******

Dear lover who probably hates me now,

I know you hate me a lot now. Those words I said to you, it must have hurt a lot because it broke my heart too. So now, we both have broken hearts. Funny, right? Probably not.

What would you have done if I told you the truth? The truth behind why I said that all. You will probably beat that person to death. But I didn't want to tell you. If I did, you will eventually leave me. I don't want to tell you what it is, but if we meet again will you love me again? Will your heart beat for me? I don't think it will. It is broken, right? 

I don't blame you at all. You have every right to hate me, but what I did was for both you and me. It probably doesn't make sense. When I grow up, I will finish what I promised and I will tell you everything. I just need to beat that person and prove I am not weak. You won't understand what I am even saying.

I love you and I will always love you. But right now, I want to bury those feelings I have for you. If I keep them with me, they will hurt me more. And what is the point of keeping them anyway? You probably will find another person who will love you with all of his/her heart. 

I am sorry. So sorry for breaking you. You didn't come to school for a week now, so it probably means you are hurt. You must be hurting and I wish I could be there next to you. I wish I could cuddle you and pat your head and whisper sweet nothings to you. I want you badly. 

I need you. 

Before you came, my life was dusty and dull. But you came like the rain and washed away all the grey and brightened my life. You showed me happiness that I had never experienced before and being with you was everything. Before I knew it, I was in love with you. Your smile brought happiness to me. Your laugh was like a sweet melody I wanted to listen to every time. Your shining eyes were like the lights in my darkness. 

Your everything was my every reason to love you. For you are my light.

I love you and I always will. To love or not to love you...if someone asks me, to love you is what I will say. And now, the feelings I will bury them. I hope you remain happy forever. And it is best if we never meet. I don't want your heart to break again. I love you.