Alice

Carry On

Season 15 Spoilers

"Try again."

"Alice, he's not answering."

"Try again!" Her voice cracks, her demands punctuated by a choked sob. Tears stream down her cheeks, her hands shake uncontrollably. "Sam, please, I can't-" she cuts herself off, the horrifying memories of her childhood sweethearts previous deaths plaguing her mind. "I can't."

She settles on the simple two word sentence. It's funny how such a vague explanation can communicate so much.

Sam knows her panic, her terror, knows it better than most. For her sake, and his, he presses Deans number one more time. His heartbeat rising with every ring. It doesn't stop, not until he hears the familiar This is Deans other other phone-

He turns to her giving a gentle shake of his head. They don't have to speak. They know what's happened. He's gone. Gone, like the rest of them.

But why Dean and not them? Why would Chuck kill Dean, but not Sam, not Alice, not Jack?

It doesn't make any sense.

The car ride is tense, worse than ever, and they've had some tense rides. This poor Impalas been home to many a panic attacks and heart-wrenching tragedies.

Alice hasn't run as fast as she does when they reach the bunker in years. She sprints through the long corridors, her boot-clad feet pounding against the cement floors, footsteps echoing off the tall walls.

"Dean!" Her scream is pained, a desperate screech more than a scream. "Dean, please!"

Jack can feel it in his chest, her pain. It's all he can do to stop from crying with her. His torso feels hollow, empty, like his organs had been removed. His head is heavy. It takes him a substantial amount of effort to keep from tipping over.

After everything they've been through, he's never seen Alice like this before, never felt her pain this way.

This must be the proof of their love.

Jack knows they've known each other a long time, they've had a "thing," as Dean says, for a long time. He never realized someone could love another so much, but her pain isn't the only pain he feels in this moment.

Because Dean isn't dead, he only wishes he was.

"Dean!" This time it's less desperate, more relieved. She's found him. "Are you okay? I've called you a thousand times!"

Sam and Jack aren't far behind her. They enter the interrogation room just in time to see Alice kneeling in front of her lover, who sits on the ground with his back against the wall, knees pulled up to his chest, sobs racking his body.

"Dean?" It's no longer a call, but a question.

Through a shuddering breath he manages a simple two word sentence. "He's gone."
It's funny how much two words can communicate.

Briefly that's what Alice focuses on. Two words are enough to break hearts, to ruin lives. She longs for the days when she and Dean monologued to each other for hours at a time, before either had experienced excruciating torture for the first time, before either had lost their will to live for the first time, before they were truly separated for the first time.

Not for the first time, Alice is at a loss for words. Nothing she says can fix this, make it better. It's not like she's never felt that way before, but this time is different; this time there really is no redemption, no resurrection, the story is over and there's no way to edit it.

"I love him."

"I know."

Its those two words that make him, for the first time since she'd entered the room, look up at her, looks her in her eyes.

She's beautiful. She loves him, and he loves her, and she knows. She knows, and she's not angry, she's empathetic because ten minutes ago she felt the exact same way that he feels now.

In his moment of agony he'd forgotten to bite his tongue. He'd forgotten what stopped him from confessing for so long, his fear of hurting Alice, of losing the one woman who had been a constant in his life, who knew him better than Sam. He never wanted to trade his soulmate for the love of his life, but he never had to because she knows.

She doesn't just know, but she understands.

It was supposed to be her; it was always supposed to be her. Destiny brought them together, Gods writing brought them together, but Castiel-

Well, it was never planned.

It wasn't in the rough draft. It wasn't in the first publication. It was real.

He was real.

And now he's nothing.

And Dean is nothing, not without him.

He knows it, and Alice knows it too, so she wraps her arms around her soulmate, and she cries for him, for her lover who'd done nothing but fight his whole life, who will never really have his happy ending, and for her guardian angel who is the only other being to ever experience the honor of being so deeply loved by Dean Winchester, but never in the way he deserved.

And for one split second, not for the first time, and not for the last time, Dean and Alice share the very same thought.

I'm so sorry, Cas.