The One That Got Away

I never meant for this to mean a thing

"You're all right." Kylo wondered, idly, if his voice trembled too much. He knew his hand was trembling. He wished he had the mask in that moment, because without it, he knew that he was defenseless, he knew that he was all but naked.

"I am." It didn't take a telepath to feel the hurt simmering under Poe's voice. "How could you, Ben?"

It didn't take a telepath, either, to know what Poe was talking about. "I didn't want to do it," Kylo said. "It gave me no pleasure." He should tell Poe the whole truth, but the shame, the shame of being so weak against Snoke's psychic shocks (so much pain, crackling and shifting against his mind)...it was all but keeping him from voicing the truth.

Well, go on. Say it. Show him how weak you are.

Kylo supposed it said volumes that he didn't know if it was the multitude of voices in his head or his own.

"And that makes it better," Poe said.

"It's just a mask, isn't it?" Kylo said. "This anger..."

"No, I'd say it's very, very kriffing real." Poe tried to sit up, only to wince. Kylo couldn't help but feel a twinge of sympathy for him.

"Don't overexert yourself," Kylo said. "You don't know if you broke any bones in the crash."

"Oh, now you're concerned, Mr. I-had-no-problems-trying-to-blow-up-my-former-best-friend-on-the-Raddus?"

Kylo did wince. "I didn't...anticipate you running to get me." That was true enough. Poe hadn't been quick enough to get to the Black One he had at the time. He had hoped Poe would be too late.

It was a miracle he hadn't been more injured than he was.

Poe sighed. "Why did you do any of this, Ben? Not just me, everyone. Do you even know the pain you caused your own mother? Do you even know how many people you killed?"

"Yes," Kylo said acidically, "I'm sure that she's just crying her eyes out while she tries to find a replacement. I felt it on Crait; she doesn't love me. That's abundantly obvious."

"So you're trying to destroy the galaxy because your parents weren't perfect?"

"No," Kylo said bluntly. "I'd say you presume much." A beat. "I'd love," he said sarcastically, "To continue this debate, but we have the issue of actually getting off this planet. After this, you never have to see me again."

He swore Poe actually looked pained for a moment before nodding. "I guess I can cooperate with you. For the time being."

"I'm going to make sure you didn't break any bones."

"I'm fine," Poe said. "Really." A beat. "Why do you care? I thought you'd pretty much said you don't when you..."

"You...aren't quite correct," Kylo said. "I appreciate you, at least. As a worthy opponent."

Poe furrowed his brows, but said nothing.

"Can you stand?" Kylo said.

Poe sat up, wincing at least a little bit as he did so. "I think..."

Kylo reached through the Force. Some bruising, he thought, but it seemed that Poe was made of durasteel for not suffering more serious injuries. That or Lord Vader really was watching over Poe, making sure he didn't come to harm.

There were more than just Light Side Force Ghosts, after all.

"You're truly blessed by the Force to not have more severe injuries," Kylo said.

"Or maybe I'm made of durasteel." A beat. "I don't know why you saved my life but...thank you."

Kylo blinked. Of all the things he expected, it wasn't really that. From anyone.

"It was no issue," he said.

***

They continued up the path in that moment, Kylo with his lightsaber at the ready, Poe with his blaster at the ready. There was something about being with Poe that almost felt like old times.

(But Poe would never be his. Kylo knew that much)

"What is this planet anyway?" Poe said.

"I don't know," Kylo said. "But I think we should be prepared."

It was in that moment that Kylo heard...some sort of shriek. Not a human or alien shriek. Definitely an animal.

"Oh, not good," Poe said. He prepared his blaster. Kylo ignited his lightsaber, twirling it in a neat arc, ready for the kill.

Poe turned to look at him. "Do you have to do that?"

"It's a necessity at this point," Kylo deadpanned.

They continued up the path, and it was then that a mangy, emaciated-looking beast that reminded Kylo of a maalras stalked out of the bushes, grinning in a way that almost reminded Kylo of Snoke at his most sadistic.

Poe fired. Kylo finished the job by Force Crushing the creature. He couldn't help but feel at least a twinge of satisfaction; he hadn't been able to do anything against Snoke when Snoke had ordered him to hurt Poe, not until it was too late — but he could take out his anger on that creature.

***

"You didn't have to cause a bloodbath," Poe said. They were sitting by a campfire just then, roasting their kills; Kylo idly wondered how much meat you were able to get from something that skinny.

"I couldn't protect you in the interrogation room," Kylo said. "I can at least try now."

Poe sighed. "Why did you do it? I don't understand. At all. I never thought you'd hurt me..."

"I had my orders."

"You could have said 'no'."

"Well," Kylo snapped, "It's hard to do that when the Supreme Leader's torturing you through the Force Bond you have with him!"

"What?" Poe actually looked confused. Confused — and like he wanted to comfort Kylo. Of course he did.

"I'm going to tell you a story," Kylo said. "About Ben Solo. And how his family failed to protect him."