The One That Got Away

Wish you were the one that got away

It was heading up the path that Poe doubted that the silence between them had ever been more awkward. All that silence...somehow, Poe wished that there didn't seem to all but be a chasm between them.

Back when they were on the same side, they could at least talk easily. They could laugh together. Banter. It struck Poe that he hadn't heard Ben's genuine laugh in...well, quite some time, actually.

It struck him that he missed things like that.

Yes, Poe thought, he really did.

"So," Poe said, even as they continued up the path, "How's...Supreme Leader duties? What do they entail anyway? Is there a puppy-kicking quota on there?"

Kylo actually did wince. That was weird, Poe thought, at least for him. "I'm only doing what I think is right," he said, "And I don't really appreciate you saying I kick puppies." A beat. "It doesn't make the galaxy better."

"I never fancied you to be the take-over-the-First-Order type." Poe absently kicked at a pebble.

"Neither did I." Kylo said. "Still...there were times when Snoke's treatment of me got so bad that I wished one or both of us was dead."

Poe halted, abruptly. Ben, wishing he was dead? However...conflicted he was about Ben, he knew Ben didn't deserve this.

It was a feeling that clawed at him, that made him wish that he could have saved Ben earlier.

"Ben," he said, "What did he do to you?"

"Nothing that wasn't part of any other Dark Sider's training," Kylo said.

"Bantha fodder," Poe said. "Training's supposed to make you better, not...make you wish you were dead. Or your teacher was dead. Or both."

Kylo paused. Then, "Snoke did want to make me better. I just wish that he didn't give me the feeling he...hated me..."

Poe bit his lip. Then, "He was wrong."

"I thought that killing him would make it stop." Kylo sounded so quiet, so vulnerable, and Poe felt like a scream was threatening to build up inside him, to escape. Kylo had been effectively being tortured (his friend, his treasure, his Ben) and Poe was all but helpless against it.

Had Leia known? Why had she just watched? Just listened to her son being tormented...and did nothing?

Poe stumbled into the bushes, feeling the contents of his stomach come up in a fit of violent nausea. People — Luke and Leia — had known about Ben being effectively tortured (they had to, somehow) and done absolutely nothing. Dad had tried coming for him when Poe had lost his way as a Spice Runner.

What had kept Kylo's family from doing the same?

He felt Kylo's arms — strong. Pretty kriffing strong — encircle his chest, set him upright. Poe wiped his mouth, suddenly feeling horrible at the idea of being so vulnerable before Kylo.

Just like the interrogation room, he thought.

He jolted away, breathing all too fast, feeling, suddenly, repulsed. "I...need a minute," he said, and all but ran up the trail.

***

It was near a crackling campfire that Poe found himself with blasters pointed at him. Not exactly a new situation, but still.

"Resistance hypocrite," one of the salvagers, a woman with red hair in a bun said. "If it were up to me, you'd be rotting in a sarlaac pit."

"I guess we just can't talk this over?" Poe said. "Minus the sarlaac pit?"

"Nice try, Captain."

It was in that moment that Poe heard the familiar ignition of a lightsaber behind him, crackling and almost volatile, but somehow, reassuring in the fact that it was there.

"Captain Dameron is under the protection of Supreme Leader Kylo Ren," Kylo said evenly as he stepped forward. "If you want a chance to back down, I suggest you take it."

The salvagers sneered. "Or what? You're going to flail around mindlessly? Don't think the galaxy hasn't heard what a loser you were at Crait. Skywalker sent you back crying — "

Kylo all but hurled his lightsaber at the salvagers.

Poe winced, even as their heads were cloven from their shoulders. Kylo deactivated his lightsaber.

"You shouldn't have run ahead without me," he said. "Whether you like it or not, we're in this together."

"Well, maybe this wouldn't have happened if you hadn't...mentally eviscerated me!"

Kylo winced. Poe continued. "I know," he said softly, "Snoke was likely torturing you. From what I heard. Was he?"

"While I was doing it," Kylo said. "I know it will take some time for you to believe me, Poe. I really do." A beat. "Truthfully, maybe you shouldn't."

Poe swallowed. Ran the tips of his fingers over Kylo's arm — not missing how Kylo seemed to be longing for the touch and scared all at once.

"Let me help," Poe said. "You don't have to come back to the Light Side. Just trust me."

***

The salvagers' campsite, at least, seemed to provide new information. Apparently they were Hosnia Prime refugees, who blamed the First Order for blowing up their system and the Resistance for not being fast enough to save them.

"Stars," Poe said. "We should give them a proper burial, at least. They deserve as much."

"They tried to kill you," Kylo said.

"They weren't monsters," Poe said. "Just...lost and angry."

Kylo paused. Then, "Hux was more onboard with blowing up the Hosnian system than I was. I might have made a reference to Lord Vader around him; he didn't appreciate it."

"Which one?" Poe said.

" 'The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force.'" A beat. "Snoke wasn't amused, but I can't say I was wrong."

"That's...one hell of a burn," Poe said. "I'll say that."

"I saw my — the General's reaction to Alderaan's destruction. How it nearly destroyed her. I know that the Death Star tried to destroy Yavin too. For all the things I am onboard with, gratuitous vaporization of a planet is not one of them."

Poe nodded. Maybe it was Kylo expecting a prize for basic decency, but Poe could take some comfort in seeing traces of the friend he knew.

***

They buried the salvagers. Kylo was more familiar with Hosnian burial customs than Poe was, but Poe liked to think he at least did a good job of that too. They both stood up just then, Poe turning towards Kylo. "There's more good in you than you think."

"I don't know."

"I think there is," Poe said. "You just don't acknowledge it enough."

They continued forward then, towards the path that led outwards, towards, hopefully, the place they could find the nearest ship.