The One That Got Away

Oh, I wish you were the one

Kylo told Poe. Told Poe about Snoke, how he had been there from the beginning. How he had invaded Ben Solo's mind, time and time again, and how Leia Organa had done nothing, in the end. How he had persisted, how he had struggled, how he had tried — up until Luke Skywalker had drawn his lightsaber on Ben, not even giving him a chance to explain himself.

"I..." Kylo didn't miss the look of heartbreak on Poe's face, the way that his eyes had widened and his mouth had gone slack, how finding words had forsaken him. Finally, Poe spoke. "I don't believe you. I can't."

For a moment, Kylo couldn't find the words. For a moment, he swore all he felt like rage was bubbling inside him, rising, rising faster —

"I should have known," Kylo hissed. "I should have known that you would turn on me too."

"Ben — "

"Don't," Kylo snapped. "At least the scavenger had the decency to believe me."

He stalked off. He couldn't say where he was going, even as Poe called out after him.

Even underneath the fury, the hurt — Kylo found himself wondering how exactly Poe could think of him as so fundamentally unimportant. How he would believe Luke Skywalker, false hero, over his former best friend —

He ignited his lightsaber and began slashing through the underbrush. He couldn't say that he had anything coherent to say, outside of a shout of "I hate you" —

It was when the red cleared that Kylo found himself near...some sort of shed. He could only assume. There was something about being near it — he could hear Poe shouting after him, shouting that outdated name for him (Ben) but Kylo ignored him. He didn't need this man. Not now.

He carved his lightsaber through the door, and  it opened.

***

He found that there were mines there. Of course. There were mines — glowing white domes. Kylo couldn't say he was perfect at demolitions skills, but he could at least disarm them. Pity he couldn't use them.

"Ben." Poe's voice, behind him. "Are you okay?"

"Is there anything else you want to not believe me about?" Kylo muttered.

"Ben, come on," Poe said. "I was just in shock, that's all! There's a difference. And if Rey believes you, why does it matter if I believe you?"

"You really are an idiot," Kylo muttered.

"Okay, that wasn't fair."

"You were my friend," Kylo said. "I'd think that a true friend would actually believe me..."

"We're on opposite sides. I don't think we've been friends in...six years?"

"...touché." It didn't hurt any less, of course. Kylo really did hate him, sometimes.

The mines were disabled. Now, even as they entered, Kylo couldn't help but think that he was entering an old museum, an old relic of the Rebellion.

Datapads. Old armor. Old weapons. Now that Kylo thought about it, it was like stepping into the past.

"What is this place, anyway?" Poe said. For a moment, their quarrel was forgotten.

"I think we found an armory," Kylo said. "Best we can do is take what we need, and no more."

***

"I guess the question is," Poe said, "If we're going to find any ships around here. We'll get back to our sides and...maybe I can start doing detective work regarding Luke."

"Why don't you believe me?"

Poe sighed. "It's not that. I don't know what to believe. I'm just...in shock, that's all."

And there was something about that vulnerability that was enough to drain the anger, temporarily, from Kylo. Now...now he just felt stupid. Maybe a bit selfish. He couldn't say he'd felt that before.

"I'm sorry," he said. The words felt like pulling teeth.

"S'all right," Poe said, and there was something about that that Kylo knew he didn't deserve. Poe...forgave him, at least for that, so easily.

Kylo couldn't say why.

"Thank you." Kylo said. "Really."

A shrug from Poe. "It's the least I can do."

And Kylo could not help but wonder how Poe could just forgive him for his own stupidity, at least on this part, so easily.