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Twenty Eight

It wasn't easier to break up with West in my head than it was easier to say the words out. When he picked me up, I wanted to tell him. Then I didn't. Through dinner, I had the words at the tip of my mouth, but it hadn't been the right time. I kept telling myself that it wasn't the right time, that I should just man up and tell him what was on my mind, but then I saw how happy he looked. How he laughed and told me stories about his day.

Then I decided I couldn't wipe the smile off his face. At least, not right now.

Not right now.

That was what I told myself ever since I stepped into his car, and now I was stepping out of it after he dropped me off at home. Like a gentleman, he opened the door for me and offered to walk me inside, but I lingered behind, unable to move from where I was. I knew I was acting strange, but all I wanted was to muster the courage and break up with the loveliest man I had ever met. That was what made it so hard. The fact that West Ward was so great in every way, and breaking up with him literally broke my heart.

"I noticed that you were a little quiet today," he noted as he stood beside me, looking at me with the concern that I didn't deserve. "You didn't like the restaurant or the food, or you're just having a bad day?"

I shook my head, looking down at my shoes. "It's not that." I became quiet immediately, but I could sense that he was worried about me, and for a second there, I almost changed my mind. But it wouldn't be fair to him to go on with something I wouldn't give my whole heart into.

"Is it about work?"

"Yes, but not completely."

"Tell me what's on your mind," he encouraged, and when I lifted my head, I caught the smile he was giving me. West shouldered me and leaned on his car beside me, darting his gaze back to me. "We're friends, aren't we? We can share our problems."

That was a good opening.

"Are we?" I asked, then cocked my head. "Friends?"

"Is that what this is about?" he asked, no trace of malice or annoyance in his voice. If anything, he sounded mildly amused as if the very thing that worried me was not a thing of importance. "Do we have to put a label on our relationship? I enjoy your company, Beth. You enjoy mine. We go out to dinners. That should be enough to tell you what it is."

Except, I didn't want a label. I didn't want anything. What I wanted lay with a man who had the most complicated life and didn't strike to be good for me. But I would like to think I was doing this for myself because I wanted to go back to being single and alone, with nothing to put stress on me. Being single, I missed that. Not so long ago, I had it, and I didn't cherish it. Now, all I wanted was that freedom again.

Relationships were complicated. Mine was just proving to be bad for me, so I wanted a way out of everything I found myself in; including West, and even Rogue.

I was unable to look at him, and so I found a way to look at the sky instead, inhaling and exhaling into the night. "I enjoy your company, West, so much, but these dates feel more like dinner with a friend than an actual date."

"Well, we are friends."

A chuckle left my mouth. "We can't be friends and not be friends," I said, wringing my hands forcefully. My God, I felt like I was trying to roll them into balls.

"Why not?" He sounded confused now, but still on point. "Love starts with friendship, everyone knows that. You just have to be a little patient with me, Beth." West took my hand and squeezed. "I know I may act a certain way, but I want this to work, and I believe it will. This time around, I'm doing it right, I think. Am I?" He cocked his head at me in an innocent way as he gave me a questioning look.