𝑺𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒓 𝑹𝒆𝒊𝒅 𝑶𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒕𝒔

Lose Myself

Spencer and y/n had been best friends for over ten years and had been dating for just under two.

The pair were in love, that they were both sure of but y/n felt as if she was missing something. Spencer reminded her hourly how much he loved her and swore that one day he'd call her his wife. Y/n was included in every aspect of his life, the two were constantly together as if they were the air they breathe.

Except when it came to Spencer's job, he point blank refuse to discuss anything to do with it, he loved his job and y/n knew that but every time she mentioned meeting his 'family' his cheery expression would vanish and his eyes would turn glassy, his mind seemed to go elsewhere for a moment before he would return and continue on with his day as if she had never said a thing.

Y/n knew his work took a toll on him so she never pressured him into confiding his troubles to the girl even though she would have quite happily listened, brush the hair from his eyes, tell him just how much she loved him but he never gave y/n the chance.

She had told herself that one day he would show her off to his friends with even half as much pride and adoration as she did but a certain chain of events at a grocery store left her thinking he never would.

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Y/n and Spencer practically skipped hand in hand towards the glass doors of their local supermarket, the couple had a mission to gather a collection of their favourite sweet treats and snacks, they were ecstatic that they were finally getting a date night as Reid had been given a few days off after a particularly draining case.

The pair were giggling like lunatics as they browsed each aisle, the off and confused glances only adding to the volume and intensity of their laughs.

Spencer's once giggle-ridden face quickly sobered and left him with wide eyes and pursed lips when an all too familiar voice hollered his name from no more than ten metres away, the voice quickly registered in Spencer's terrified mind and he swiftly dropped y/n's hand before he turned to face none other than Derek Morgan.

"Hey Morgan" he gave a guilty smile and walked further away from y/n, meanwhile the girl stood there awestruck, like a deer in headlights as Spencer spoke to his friend. Part of her wanted to escape the awkward encounter but it seemed as though her feet were glued to the floor, the curiosity of what he was going to say next keeping her frozen.

"Who might this be?" He questioned playfully to Spencer but his gaze was on her, not in a creepy-watching her kind of way rather in the way an older brother would inspect his younger siblings first girlfriend, king yet slightly intimidating.

"This is y/n, an old friend, we just bumped into each other" he tried to explain, seemingly unaware of the almost audible shattering of y/n's heart, tears barely began to gather before they started to cascade down her sickly pale cheeks.

Y/n dropped the basket to the floor and made it for the door, customers who had seemingly sussed out the situation sending sympathetic looks her way and glares towards Spencer. The young genius knew what he had said, the words feeling like acid on his tongue as he spoke them, watching the love of his life leave possibly forever becoming a familiar feeling.

The feeling of hopelessness and despair that had long vanished rapidly increasing with each muffled sob and frantic footstep coming from the trembling girl.

Derek turned to Spencer with a disapproving score, his kind, playful eyes filled with disappointment as he watched his friend stand completely still.

"You better apologise" he ordered in a strict tone, shoving the still frozen boy toward the exit. With Morgan's less than gentle kick-start he ran through the aisles, coming to a stop when he saw a sobbing y/n slouched against the painted brick wall of the store. He took quiet, cautious steps towards y/n, his heart tearing out of his chest as he watched the girl attempt to console the painful sobs that wracked her shaking body.

Y/n could hear his footsteps as they approached for he was not the most agile or graceful of creatures, sounding rather like a baby elephant when he would jog up and down the stairs at first thing in the morning.

Her mind was clouded with thought after thought, it seemed as if it was going to explode as the ideas festered into her already doubt-filled brain. The mere thought of not having the adorable, goofy, ridiculously awkward genius made y/n sick to her stomach but just as the girl would begin to go embrace the boy, have him whisper sweet everything's in her ear her mind would replay Spencer's words and she'd collapse back onto the cold concrete with an exasperated sigh.

"Y/n. Please, I'm sorry" his voice sounded hoarse and broken, similar to how y/n imagined here to be.

His words sent a wave of rage through y/n, the audacity of him lighting a fire within her and oblivious to the inferno that suddenly raged within her eyes. Although it seemed as if she had been set alight, finally free to let out years of pent up anger, there was still flickers of longing in her eyes. For all that she wanted to extinguish the remnants of devotion, attachment and love for the doctor, y/n couldn't seem to put out those faltering embers that so desperately clung to the gentle, uplifting breeze that would set them slight called Spencer Reid.

"Why did you say that? Are you embarrassed by me? Am I not good enough for the Doctor Reid?" She spat, her throat seemed to have revived from its torn state and allowed her to increase the volume of her voice as she stood up.

"Why would you say that? You're perfect and quite frankly I don't deserve you" the pitch of his voice rapidly increasing as he frantically waved his hands around like he always did during disagreements.

"Maybe you're right. I deserve to be introduced to my partners family and friends as more than an old friend! do I mean nothing to you Spencer?"

"You mean everything to me! And that's why I didn't tell them" his voice was so desperate as he gazed into y/n's stern yet heartbroken eyes. Y/n scoffed and raised her eyebrows at the now crumbling man in front of her, the fire in her eyes blazing brighter than before and Spencer most certainly took notice as he gulped at her intense stare and wavering patience before continuing.

"The last time I loved someone and the team found out about her and she was kidnapped, a-and the kidnapper, s-she shot her in-front of me. Because of me. And I couldn't risk it, I couldn't risk losing you because I couldn't control myself, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Can't you see? You're all I've ever wanted, you're my everything and if I lost you I'd lose myself and I don't think I'd ever been found" and with that the flames were gone, leaving a sodden pile of ash in place of the once magnificent yet petrifying flames.

Y/n dashed forward and embraced the visibly exhausted man, his tears soaked through her shirt in small patches as if they were hickeys, still representing his love and possessiveness for the girl yet in an emotional sense rather than physical.

"I'm sorry" they both whispered instantaneously into the crook of the others neck, they both let out a lighthearted chuckle as they tightened their grip around the other.

"I love you, so much" y/n whispered softly into his messy hair, placing light kissed into the mop of curls occasionally. The couple were exhausted both mentally and physically but as they held each other they knew that they'd be lost without one another. Him without his fragile but resilient ember and her without her calm yet strong breeze, both needing each other to create beautiful flame that brought light and warmth to their lives.

Hello! Hope you enjoyed the oneshot, I've realised that I haven't done many AN's for a while and most of you probs don't read them but I always like to say tysm for the Reids on this book! I am so grateful for the love I have received and reading your comments makes my day! Let me know what you thought of this one <3 :)

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Good morning - afternoon - night ~ Mae xoxo