it's hyeongjun's world (and we're all living in it)

it's hyeongjun's world (and we're all living in it) pt. 2

after what happened with minkyu, hyeongjun can't bring himself to fall in love again.

it takes him almost a year to recuperate. not like he has a choice in the matter, anyway. he's in his final year of college, and he basically put off half a semester just to find someone who didn't want to be found. he was falling behind in his studies. and even with the efforts of minhee and junho's joint tutoring, he was still barely scraping through half of his classes.

and even after he's graduated, he still doesn't really know what to do with his life.

so.

what does he resort to?

...

well, lovely little reader, he resorts to the wonders of casual dating, of course!

he goes through quite a number of people (like, half a town) after graduation. people he definitely did have feelings for at one point, but not enough to risk getting into a committed relationship with. he goes on dates with them, they keep in contact. some of them end up as friends, some of them move on. he doesn't take it to heart when they choose the latter.

he can't help it, he wants to be loved, he wants to love someone, and he misses the warmth of physical and emotional affection that he can't achieve entirely even with his closest friends. wonjin tells him he's only doing it as a coping mechanism for minkyu's betrayal, and hyeongjun can't even fight him on that. because he's right. it is a coping mechanism, and an unhealthy one at that.

because every time he thinks. wow, i'm in love. his heart just shrivels up like a dying rose, and he backs off the idea entirely.

he's scared, he admits that. he's scared that he'll fall head over heels again with someone who was just going to abandon him eventually. he's scared of having his trust broken again. he's scared to love, scared to be happy. he's scared that if he gives someone part of his heart, they're just going to take it away and rip it up right in front of him again - and his heart sometimes beats sadly at the giant, crater-sized crack in its core, the one that minkyu unceremoniously left behind as a parting gift. the damage so big that it would take years upon years of healing for hyeongjun to recover from.

so he dates. he dates for the fun of it. for the cuddles, the hugs, the laughs and the kisses. he dates for the emotional rebound that takes his pain away temporarily, but never fully.

he admits though, he does miss the fun of meeting new people - something he never really got an oppurtunity to do when he was committed with minkyu - and while that was no justification for the breakup, he has met some really, really lovely people along the way.

case in point: ahn seongmin - to name a few - a younger boy with a cute, bubbly voice that hyeongjun couldn't help but squeal over. he was one to two years hyeongjun's junior, and was also minhee's personal mentee.

meeting the kid was a pure coincidence. he was at minhee's place studying to get their drivers' licenses, when the doorbell rang and minhee nonchalantly mentioned that he was helping wonjin's dongsaeng friend out with some summer tutoring.

seongmin was a precocious kid, almost like a younger brother type, and hyeongjun had immediately taken with the smaller boy. with his soft, delicate appearance, tiny voice, shy enthusiasm, and badly hidden case of puppy love for hyeongjun.

he won't deny it. seongmin was cute. too cute. his own brand of cuteness would've given hyeongjun a run for his money if they were the same age and if he was still at college. the kid had a fan club before he even got admitted, for crying out loud!