Down For The Ride (Jonathan Toews)

51~Moving On

Brielle

Today was the day my mom and sister finally get to move into their new house in Oak Park just outside of the city. Mom was sad to be leaving because she was there when dad bought the land and when he built the house. She helped design it, decorated it every year for the holidays. She helped raise three kids there, she started her family within those walls so I know this isn't going to be easy. Letting go of the life they knew was hard, but there was no point of keeping the house and not the farm and none of us knew how to do what Dad did out there. The animals, the livestock, all of it was ran the way he needed it to be and there was no way we could do that on our own in his absence. So she did the hardest thing and that was leaving the biggest piece of my dad behind, packing up what she could and move on.

She worked in Chicago so the move was good when it comes to the mileage on her car. Kaitlyn decided she was going to start college classes to try and get into broadcasting for hockey teams but everyone is online for the foreseeable future so she's staying with mom for at least another year while she does her gen eds online. They found a beautiful four bedroom house just ten miles from where Jon and I was staying. Of course that's still like a 30 minute drive but they're closer to me and the city which I loved. With the holidays and everything this year it'll be nice to be together once again.

Jon and I grab the last of the boxes from the moving van and bring them in. We set them down inside of the door and I let out a sigh. There's no going back now, no matter how bad we wanted to. Maybe even how bad we needed to. But we were moving forward because that's the only direction life moves us.

I leave Jon to help Kaitlyn get things to her room on the second floor and I go see what my mom wanted me to do. I couldn't find her at first until I go out back. I find her sitting on the porch with my dads ashes next to her. She couldn't bring herself to plan the funeral, no one could come anyway. So we got his ashes and did something as a little service as a family and for now that's what we have to live with. We didn't get to say goodbye and we didn't get to bury him. As far as situations like this, I don't see how it could get much worse.

I sit down next to her and I see a tear sitting on her cheek. She quickly tries to wipe it away so I don't see her cry. She doesn't want us seeing her cry but I know today, out of all the days, had to be the hardest.

"I still remember the day we took him to the hospital. He was so sure he was going to come out again but I... I had a feeling he wasn't. He wasn't acting himself, that virus was effecting him in a way he couldn't even see. But I knew him best, I knew something was wrong. And I know I shouldn't have but I kissed him goodbye, I risked getting sick because I knew if that was the last time I saw him I would kick myself in the ass every day he is gone if I didn't.

And I still am. I should have held him a little longer, I should have told him that we would be okay without him, but I would rather him be here. The world just doesn't seem as bright without him here with his awful jokes and smelly socks. I miss every little awful thing he did that drove me absolutely crazy. But I would do anything to walk in the house and see his nasty ass feet on the brand new couch" she admits.

"He had farmers feet for sure" I chuckle as I wipe away a tear from my face. She shakes her head as she turns to me.

"Thank you for being here today. I never thought I would have to do this but I'm so thankful for you. For all you do. You've been so strong, so supportive through it all. I love you so much" she insists.

I rest my head on her shoulder as she cups my cheek. She kisses the top of my head like my dad used to and I smile.

I reach over and grab her hand. I feel something and look down and see my mom had on the same bracelet that I got from Jon but with different words.

"Where did you get your bracelet from" I wonder.

"Jon got it for me the same time he got yours done. He asked for all the papers I could find with your dads handwriting and I sent it all over. I had no idea he was getting one for me too, but I couldn't be more in love with it. Every morning I look at it and smile. I'm reminded that I lost the love of my life but some people never even find a love that good in the first place. I was lucky, and it seems like you are too" she accuses and I smile.

"He's the most wonderful man ever. He will never be dad, but he is perfect in his own special way. Undeniably himself and I wouldn't change anything about him either" I insist.

"Your dad would have been so excited that you guys are together. He has done a lot that he was proud of in his life, from building the house to running the farm he did a lot of amazing things. But in his eyes his family was the best thing ever. And he saw Jon as his son, a part of the family that he cared for he loved. It was a odd friendship but most of them are with your dad. Never takes anything seriously and just wants to make people laugh, see them smile. The thought of you two together brought him so much happiness" she says.

"I wish he was here to see it" I sniffle.

"Me too baby. More than anything I wish he was still here. But we have to move forward no matter how hard, no matter how impossible it may seem. For him" she insists.

We sit there for a little while longer before finally going back inside. All the furniture was moved here first so all we have to do is put things away. So mom and I work on the kitchen before moving to the spares. Eventually it gets late so we order a pizza. I sit in Jons lap as he rubs my leg.

"How are you holding up? Do you need anything" he asks.

I send him a sad smile as I pull him in closer. "I'm holding up. I could use a kiss though" I admit and he smiles big. He pulls me in a big kiss and I have to admit, it did help.