Down For The Ride (Jonathan Toews)

54~ The Prison of the Mind

Jonathan

It feels weird to be going to Canada and it not feel like I'm coming home. All my time in the pro's I loved coming to Canada because this is where I'm from, where I grew up. This time around I feel like I left home to come here and I wasn't sure what to think. It's been such a trying year to say the least, to be put away here away from everything is nice. No one is allowed in or out of the bubble so we shouldn't have any problems with COVID here. No one was arguing about social issues or an election or anything like that. It was just hockey which was nice.

But the fun part of hockey is the crowd, the celebrations, all that stuff. You couldn't find that here and it was going to be weird. You look around and its all empty, you feel empty.

So to keep my mind busy I join Bri for a zoom video for her channel. It wasn't like her normal videos, it's just us hanging out asking each other questions. People seem to eat these kind of videos up and I think it's cool that she lets her fans in on her life. Her answers are always interesting and funny, I loved learning more and more about her every day.

"Where are the cats" I demand as she laughs. She grabs the cats and bring them into her bed with her.

"They're here" she promises.

"Aww I miss you guys so much, I hope they're keeping you company" I insist.

"Well they're the only company I have around here really. I got in yesterday and I'm doing my best to not over do it. I know restrictions are loosened but the virus isn't gone. I know my babies would never hurt me" she coos as she picks them up. Both of them looking like they wanted to run.

"You keeping busy" I wonder.

"Of course. I've made plans for some brunches and I'm not gonna miss out on going to the beach. My manager had plenty set up for me here to keep me busy but for now I'm hiding from the paparazzi" she smirks.

"I have a strong feeling you can handle them" I insist.

"That I can" she smiles.

I give a tour of the hotel to show everyone what life was like in the bubble. I had everything set up to my liking and have a good time showing off what I brought. I had everything I needed for this place to feel like home, but by myself.

We get to the fun part of the video just asking questions and sharing experiences. Between the two of us there was never a short of stories and ideas. You never know what she is going to say but you do know it'll be something amazing.

"How come you never wanted to be in a serious relationship until now" I wonder. She's talked about her failed dating life publicly before but never said why.

"I don't know, I guess it's a few different things. For one I never really saw myself settling down. Dating was a fun thing to do especially here in LA. Relationships aren't really supposed to last around here, especially in my kind of work. People make up a relationship in their heads then expect you to be a part of it. You can't just be friends with these people, they always assume things about my relationships and it never even got that far. It's so hard to meet the standards they put on me. We say we want a love like Will and Jayda not knowing what goes on behind closed doors. Celebrity couples aren't meant to last usually" explains.

"Suddenly I'm nervous" I joke.

"Our case is different than most. For one we had four years to get a feel for each other and figure out if a relationship is something that would work. A lot of the glamor blinds the people around here of the ugly until it's too late. Too much goes unsaid and that's why people don't last. But you and I have the hard conversations, when we don't start off on the same page we work until we are. We don't hide our true selves from the cameras so people can't hold that above us. In a lot of ways we built this relationship to last not acting souly off of feelings that only last a few moments. We have a relationship built of the foundations that won't crumble" she explains.

"It helps when half of this partnership is a all knowing super human" I accuse and she laugh.

"I'm not superhuman. I'm painfully a normal human who just knows too much for her own good" she claims.

"Your mind is the best one out there, I don't have a doubt about it" I insist.

"The mind can be a prison sometimes. No matter where you go, no matter what you do you'll always feel trapped. Stuck. Cemented behind the bars we built to keep things out without realizing it's also keeping us in.

The minds tricky, it's powerful but easily manipulated. Trust it but remember you will never know the whole truth. We have to make our opinions based off of what we know and not what we don't know. It's so easy to build up these ideas, these thoughts, but when you step back to see what you built it's a jail cell. A one sided unfair disadvantage of a better future.

The mind is no joke, it's the most complex thing we will ever know. But I love knowing that I love you and that you love me. I love all the memories we share and how special they are. If my mind is a jail then you're the key" she claims.

"I like that" I smile.

"And I like you" she smirks.

We answer a few more questions before the recording was done. Then we just sit there and talk for a while.

"So how's the summer in La treating you" I wonder.

"The weather is perfect right now. I don't have any swim suits so I'll have to grab some of those. I could use a margarita too" she shakes her head.

"That bad already" I ask.

"You thought walking around Chicago with me was bad? That's nothing. This place is ten times worst. From the second I stepped of the plane it was flashing lights and a million questions. Did we break up, am I pregnant, how am I doing without my dad. I love being able to reach as many people as I do but god do I hate being out in public" she explains.

"You don't have to answer them" I remind her.

"If I do I'm lying if I don't I'm a bitch. I really don't care much anymore but doesn't make it any less irritating" she sighs.

"Well I believe in you. You're going to be great" I say.