As Long As He's Happy (Beomgyu X Reader)

Notes

This is just me explaining my inspiration for the book. There's no need to read this if you don't want to.

This story came from a real dark place. Something similar has happened to me before but I added a lot more elements.

This came from a time a couple years ago. I met this guy at a province wide honour band thing. We hit it off real fast and I liked him a lot. We talked for a while and 'dated' but it can't really even be called dating. We just messaged a lot for a brief period of time and flirted openly. It wasn't dating at all.

My friends were fascinated with him, so they found his Instagram and we ended up in a groupchat together with him and my friends.

After a few months, we 'broke up' once again, not that you could call it that. After that, I kept talking with him in the group chat because we were still kinda chill. One of my friends had been talking to him while he and I were still talking a lot. She told him a lot of personal things and confided in him which hurt me as her friend. Not only that, but less than a month after I stopped talking to him, she told me that she really liked him and he liked her and that they were dating and she asked if it was okay.

When I tell you that shit really hurts???? It hurts. After that, I actually did end up going on their first date, but my two other friends came instead of having a double date. We actually did go to a candle store too.

I'd repressed a lot of those feelings and actually, it didn't bother me that much, but when you think about it, it kinda fucking sucks because I have confessed to my friends that I have a set of criteria for boys that I like.

1) If my friends have liked him, he's off limits.
2) If my friends have dated him, he's off limits.
3) If my friends want him, he's theirs even if I really like him, I'll still back off.

I'm very sacrificial with this kind of stuff. I know that my friends can't find happiness in much, so when they can find it, I don't wanna be the one to stop it.

This story was created and exaggerated by this experience. Recently it happened to another one of my friends. She was crushing hard on a guy she was messaging with and then my other friend, full well knowing this, still messaged him and the two like each other. It's so fucking shitty to feel.

I'm not a confrontational person but I personally hate this dude because he led my friend on, but once again, I won't be the one to ruin happiness.

This story is created out of my frustrations and out of the feelings that I've repressed until recently. I can't describe it in any words, other than saying it fucking sucks so hard.

I tried to make this story more on the sad side. I've never cried while writing a story but I'm pretty sure, in this story, I related so much. I couldn't help but almost cry while writing it.

I myself, am the type of person to say 'As long as they're happy' and overall, it always comes back to bite me in the end. I've sacrificed a lot of myself to make others happy. I've given up on crushes. I've kept crushes silent. I've kept my emotions secret.

Overall, my experiences have made me scared to introduce a future significant other to my friends because I know that if I like him, my friends will like him and that has potential to turn into a deeper kind of 'like' and knowing me, I would back off immediately.

Generally, I tried to write this story without putting blame on anyone. It's no ones fault. Love isn't something that is controlled, though it'd be so much damn easier if it was. People love without being able to change it and in this case, it was extreme. But it's no ones fault that this happened to the two characters. There's no blame being placed on anyone. Just as in my story, there's no blame placed on anyone either.

Shit happens and sometimes it can hurt. The moral of this particular story is that sometimes, thinking 'as long as they're happy' can make it feel like your drowning and instead of hoping they're happy, you should focus on making yourself happy.

Sometimes it seems selfish to focus on yourself, but you need to or else you'll end up broken.

Please take care of yourself <3

Thank you for reading my story. I really appreciate it :)

  Update as of June 5th, 2021

  This story is recently reaching a lot more people so, in case you haven't seen the comment that I left on this chapter, the friend that this story was inspired by was toxic as hell.

This story was posted on December 6th of 2020 and on January 17th 2021, at 1 in the morning I had my first panic attack because of this 'friend'.

It was an awful experience and I won't go too into detail because it isn't only my story to tell.

  I will share some of the toxic things she did though, because if seeing something like this can help you realize some toxic things, then I'm glad to share.

The need to be complimented every second of every day. The constant attention we had to pay to her. She was in the centre of every single picture we took. She said the N word religiously despite being whiter than snow. The contradictions that she constantly had. Her telling us not to pay attention to her if she ghosted, but getting mad when we didn't pay attention to her. Her telling us we can't have friends other than her and emotionally manipulating us so that we felt bad whenever we even mentioned that other friend. The cherry on top of the cake was something that I realized as I thought about writing this note. The fact that while I was in the midst of a panic attack, I wasn't concerned about myself. I was concerned about her. That speaks volumes of the emotional manipulation I was put through.

  The exact message I sent to her was something along the lines of "I'm sorry if I don't respond to you. I think I'm having a panic attack. I'm not trying to make you feel bad or guilt you or anything, but I just want you to know why I won't respond."

  Thats fucked up, isn't it? I was in the middle of a traumatic experience yet rather than trying to help myself, I typed out that entire message and sent it before actually trying to help myself.

These were all things I overlooked. This little segment wasn't just for me to rant about my own life. This is a lesson for you and for myself. If it's a toxic behaviour and you KNOW and ACKNOWLEDGE that it is a toxic behaviour, call them the fuck out on it. Don't sit in silence. And if they refuse to drop the toxic behaviour, or at least try to be better, drop them. It's hard as fuck and I KNOW that it's hard as fuck, but honestly, it's been just me and my two other friends for a few months and we've never been closer and we've never been happier.

Toxicity isn't just blatant signs. It isn't always obvious. But if you can recognize that something is toxic, then don't let someone get away with it. Don't put yourself through that.

Thank you for reading this. I appreciate it. I'm so glad you took the time and I hope you could learn from my mistakes.

Have a great day, and I genuinely hope that everything's going okay right now.