Fated | Yoonmin

Chapter 13 - love

The way I dealt with things like these wasn't something I was particularly proud of, but I had never been good at coping with pain, so I did what I knew best - I hid.

I started to eat with my friends on days that Jimins lunch hours differed from ours and I stopped picking him up from his classes. The days he would eat with us I brought a meal from a supermarket to eat in the lecture hall or at a patch of grass away from our table under the tree.
Jimin still texted me, not mentioning what happened that day, just sending pictures of cats he had seen around his neighbourhood and careful smalltalk about his classes. I answered, I just couldn't help it, didn't want him to think that I was mad, or that I disliked him.

I just needed some space.

About a week into hiding away, Namjoon texted me - very ominously - that he would be over on 10 minutes, without any explanation why.
When the bell rang 25 minutes later - he was never much of a punctual person - I didn't expect Namjoon to actually be alone, since he was basically attached at the hip to his soulmate.

'I'm coming over' usually was a synonym for 'Jin and I are coming over', and I had thought today would be no different.

My best friend invited himself inside and sat down at my couch, waiting for me to join him without having said a word so far.
This was not going to be fun.

"It's because of Jimin, isn't it?"
Namjoon was never one to beat around the bush in serious situations.

"Yeah", I answered truthfully, since there was no point to lying, he already knew.

"You know, just because you swore off dating doesn't mean you have to stick to that. You can just ask him out, we all know he'd say yes."

I sighed, of course he didn't understand. He had always lived in the moment, not being all that worried about the future.

"He has a soulmate."

"Well, not yet."

"He has a soulmate, somewhere out there, and even if we start dating, he will eventually find him and leave me anyways. Its just not worth it, Joon."

My best friend sighed and threw a hand over my shoulder, pulling me into some sort of half-hug.

"Is it really not worth it? I know it's hard for you to know that your relationships won't last forever, but does that make them worthless? You liked your exes and you had fun with them. Some things just are temporary, but that doesn't make them not worth experiencing."

"It's different than with my past relationships."

"Why would it be different?"

"Because I love him."
It was almost a little freeing to say it, to admit the feelings I had for the younger, even if it wasn't to him.

I heard Namjoon suck in a shocked breath next to me, and could almost see his wide eyes even without looking. He wordlessly pulled me closer and fully hugged me now, while comfortingly stroking my back.

"What do you want to do, then? Just keep ignoring him until you fall out of love?", he questioned, quietly and softly, as if he feared I wouldn't be able to handle a louder tone.

"I don't know."

Namjoon didn't say anything else, only cuddled me for a while, until I changed the subject and proposed to watch a movie and get some snacks from the store, to which he happily agreed.

It was nice, to spend time alone with someone who wasn't Jimin.
Even if only for a few hours, I didn't have to think about how much I wanted him but couldn't have him.