Life surrounded by the War-The Clone Wars

Family

Isn't it funny? Funny how you're taught your whole life, not to form attachments, not to form love, or act on your emotions. Your taught to be a rock, a cold, stone hard rock, that won't budge. 

In fact, you weren't even given a choice. You were just kidnapped. Ripped away from your kin with no choice no say, and for what? The better of the galaxy!? 

They want you to be so phlegmatic, they don't show you any care in the world. They toss you around with no worries about what would happen to you. They only worry if you are obeying them. If you spend every waking hour obliging to their rules of nonsense.

Every day, they want you to become less and less of a person. Every piece of you to get eaten away narrowed down with erosion. They want you to erode so far, so far till you so hard, you're a different shape, just like a stone, changed with the killing erosion.  They drive you to be so alone, with no one by your side, for no one to truly and deeply care for you. Just because they see that as a weakness, but do they not see that having emotions, having a passion can be a strength, a strength they can never understand, because they are all so cold-hearted to even look for a clue. 

They always said we did everything within the mindset for the best of the galaxy, to make this a safer place for everyone, but of course, they lied about that too. They device everyone who walked through those overbearing stone walls, those ancient walls that drove me insane. It was a prison, where you were locked up, stuck behind bars of their lies. Hidden to see the outside, the people, hidden away to see the truth. 

At least, I thought that they had good morals, that this was the way to lived. I believed all along they stood for the right things, no matter how annoyed I got with the council. I at least believed they had trust In their followers, in their students. I would have never thought that they would have been a way too tied up in public opinion to even see what was right in front of their dull eyes. 

They cast me out, without a flinch. Because they knew the public didn't believe me, they believed me I know they did. All they cared about was the public, what people thought of the situation, they let their guiltiness cover up my true insense, and when we learned the truth, they covered themselves up again with a mother lie. They tried to tell me it was my test, The great ways of the force working to help me become a Jedi Knight. Well, boohoo, because I can't fall for it, the bleakness. I was done, I am done. 

I made my decision, and I hold that I made the right one. That life, that order, the way they lived, it wasn't right, and I see that know, and I know I can do better alone. I can be a person, I can feel, and use it to help people. 

All I can say is that the order is a disgrace. 

But, there is one thing. I said I was alone, I was, except for two. My master and his Master; Master Skywalker and Master Kenobi, the only Jedi who were caring enough to have emotions, to look out for each other, to have any care in the world, and who was never blinded by the public, never fully eroded into the murderous boulder. 

As much as I am glad that I left, the thought of them pains me. I care for them, I deeply do, and they cared for me. 

Anakin always stood y side, even against the council, against the publics' opinion. He stood for what he believed in, his emotions, not the orders. By his own drive, and even though we didn't start off good, we fought all the time, but that was us, bickering, a lot, but it worked well. We were like a perfect sympathy, a melody of the angels just went together, and worked things out with passion. He begged me not t live but I did anyway, I left him, after all the time she stood by my side, after all, he risked for me, he always stood by me, and I can't help but feel like I never did the same, but I wish he would see. That he would see the wrongness of the order through it all, I do wish he came with me, even though I know that not the way. I miss him. I miss Anakin. 

No matter how alone I was with no clue of my blood relatives,  who would stand by me, or who would help me through it all. These answers came clear that day, that heart rushing day when I became a padawan when I was assigned to Master Skywalker. 

We stuck through it. He wasn't supported to be a master he didn't want to be, but for sure as life, he made a great one in my eyes. From our dislike for each other to our support, and our growth, our differences, our strengths, we had a journey, and we survived it, most of it, maybe in pieces, but we did, we did it together. We beat the erosion, we dodged the council's bullets that they attempted to strike in our hearts, we were close, closer than I could ever be to anyone. He was my family, my older brother, the only family I would ever have. 

I will never again in life have anyone like him. 

And I think about him constantly, how I miss him, how the pain devours me and looms my decision over my head.  

But today as I sit in the rain. The cold drops of water like needles on my skin, in the dark head of clouds, rumble over. I look up to the sky the drops falling onto my eyelashes like breaths of life, water the ground, bringing its own source of life. And as I gaze up upon the dark sacred night, I can do nothing but smile. A gleaming grin for all the memories I had, for my family. 

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