MANAN: Living in Love [SLOW UPDATES]

Chapter: 17

~Look at this idiotic fool that you made me
You taught me a secret language
I can't speak with anyone else
And you know damn well
For you I would ruin myself
A million little times~
-illicit affairs, Taylor Swift

Dhruv walked by Nandini's side as they moved out of Mukti's hospital room. Nandini had already dropped by Cabir's room earlier to check on him.

Dhruv fiddled with his hands as he tried to think of what to say to her. His mind was clouded with innumerable thoughts and he didn't know what to do with all those emotions he was feeling.

"So, I-uh, ... I had a really great time, uh, last night!" He mumbled after deliberating long over what Alya had taught him to say in a situation like this. Coupled with his thoughts, he flashed a wide smile that Nandini could easily discern to be fake.

Nandini returned the gesture, lost in her own thoughts as well. This was one complicated mess that she didn't know what to make of.

She was just seventeen for God's sake!

She didn't know why people expected her to be more mature every time. Being orphaned at the age of five, she was forced to grow up too young. Even though she still had her grandmother and other close family members, still there was something in her that caused her to be mature, for herself, for her brother.

However, in all that, the little girl who wanted to make mistakes was still left behind. She didn't want a manual handed down to her of what was wrong and what was right. Even though she remembered all the advice, all lessons taught to her by her elders or the society, she just wanted to experience them for herself, learn them by herself.

Inside, she was still a toddler wanting to stumble at each step, yet standing up again, sometimes to crawl and sometimes to take a step forward, all by her own.

'Last night!'

They both had different memories playing in their mind related to the time, neither of which included the two of them together. Both of them were thinking of someone else, someone apart from the person they'd agreed to be together with. Even though they were officially a couple, had accepted each other in name, their hearts were still longing for someone else.

To be honest with herself, Nandini did feel a little guilty about everything. Even though she knew that Dhruv didn't like her at all and she was just an experiment or a new flavor for him (as self-degrading that might sound!), she wasn't one who was comfortable with lying to someone or even using someone for her own motives.

However, when she thought rationally about it, this whole mess was a result of Dhruv's own confusion and misunderstandings. And a delicate mess at that!