13 Days of Christmas 2020 ✅

Day 10: Guilt | Crosshairs and Drift

Jamie POV 
It's a good day.... until I look at the recent highlights on Google photos. I forgot it's been four years since Onyx died. It's already hard enough this is the second Christmas without Buddy. Now to remember this is the fourth without Onyx. How I couldn't help him. 

Drift POV 
It's not a good thing getting out of the shower, and I hear Jamie crying. Crosshairs and I made sure there's nothing Jamie can get to harm herself, but she's good at finding anything. Screw getting dressed, I wrap a towel around me and walk out of the bathroom. 

Jamie is lying on the bed, her hand on her phone as she cries. I quickly understand why she's crying. I lie on the bed and move her on top of me. Crosshairs will not like I'm only in a towel, but Jamie is used to Crosshairs' support along with mine. I text him anyway, warning him I'm only in a towel. He says he's coming up, anyway. 

I think Crosshairs ran to our room, displeased Jamie is crying. He looks at Jamie's phone as I sit at the edge of the bed with Jamie on my lap. 
"I couldn't help him," Jamie sobs.
We know the story around Onyx's death. It's been four years, and while there's been clear sadness, it's never been like this.  
"No, it's not your fault," I assure her. 

Crosshairs POV
Damn, we know what happened. Unfortunately, I see why Jamie thinks Onyx's death is her fault, even if it's her shitty mental state that's causing her to think this way four years after his death. She knew something was off when Onyx was freezing to the point he was shaking. She told her dad something is wrong, but both her parents said the dog is fine. I know Jamie would have ignored them and took Onyx to the vet if she could drive. We all wonder why she didn't contact any of us to help her. I can't believe it took four days of watching Onyx get worse to decide to take him to the vet, but they got into an accident resulting in a totaled car. It was too late to help him when they got to the emergency vet two days later. Though helping Onyx would have been expensive, I doubt Jamie's parents would have helped him, seeing how eager they were to get rid of Buddy.  

The problem is Janie's crying isn't just over Onyx, but all the shit she's been dealing with. We let her cry for a few minutes before trying to calm her down. Drift tells me to go get Jamie's favorite cookies and tea. No way he's going to let go to get dressed so we can go to Panera Bread. This won't make her feel better, but it'll help. At the very least, we can distract her.

Drift POV 
Jamie is calm enough to let me leave her on the bed and get dressed. We sit on the couch, and I put on a new show she's been watching while we wait for Crosshairs to get back. A lazy afternoon will not heal her emotional pain, but it'll distract her; hopefully, for the rest of the day, but we still have Christmas without Buddy and Onyx to deal with. Why can't I take her pain away?