𝚂𝙾𝙱𝚁𝙸𝙴𝚃𝚈 𝚆𝙾𝙽𝚃 𝚃𝙴𝙰𝙲𝙷 𝙺𝙸𝙳𝚂 𝚃𝙾 𝙳𝙰𝙽𝙲𝙴 ,, j. b routledge

15| fade like a polaroid of all the things you were taught to avoid

Chapter Fifteen

Hiding With Boys (Creeper)

"fade like a polaroid of all the things you were taught to avoid"

Rafe dropped me off in front of the staircase to my deck. I figured it was better this way because nobody would see the Kook drop me off on the more secluded side of the cabin.

I held the tray of cheesecake brownies close to my side as I walked forward. They were still relatively warm. However, my once clear cut pathway to the deck was blocked, by none other than Favio Antonelli, my sperm donor.

He stood there all smug like, his blond hair reflecting the moon, cigarette between his teeth.

"You friends are upstairs. I uh, don't think they're too happy with you."

"You aren't my dad. That's not really any of your business."

"I am your father-"

I cut him off "No, you're a sperm donor. You were never there, Favio!"

Completely avoiding what I had said, Favio changed the subject "The blonde one tried to deck me."

"You deserved it." I said through gritted teeth, hiding the smile I got at the image of JJ trying to punch Favio's smug blonde face.

Shaking my head, I headed upstairs to my room, where I was so not ready fro the storm that awaited me.

"You went to Chapel Hill, with Rafe Cameron!?" Kiara boomed as I pushed the metal door open

"And we had to hear it from Sarah!?" JJ was upset. His face had literally turned red

"I thought you and Rafe hated each other." Pope looked concerned

"What's going on?" Kie asked, a little less angry this time

"Wait a second, you broke up what, four months ago?" Pope's face scrunched up as he tried to think, before blurting "Are you carrying Rafe Cameron's baby!?"

"Guys, calm down." John B said, draping an arm around me protectively.

"You're going to wake my mom, and Favio is still outside." I said aggressively pointing to both doors. "I realize that I have a lot of explaining to do."

"so explain." Kiara huffed, taking a seat behind my drum kit.

"JJ, John B, do you guys remember the day that I broke up with Rafe?" I said, putting the brownies on my bedside table

"Yeah, we were both at my house. Usually when my dad tries to pick a fight with you, you fight back." JJ nodded "That day, you didn't. I could smell the expensive booze on you."

"I took you back to the Chateau and you just cried." John B added softly

"I just cried." I agreed, taking a small box from the bottom shelf of my bookcase. I sat on the unmade bed, opening the box slowly. " I've never shown this stuff to anybody before."

John B gently squeezed my thigh. It was reassuring. I took the first Polaroid off the top of the box, the Pogues crowding in closer for a better look. JJ practically ripped it out of my hands as Kiara picked up a ticket stub that had fluttered to the floor.

In the Polaroid, I was wearing a knee length red dress I could never afford and a leather jacket from my Charleston days. One of Rafe's hands was on my waist, the other brushing a strand of hair from my face.

"I don't think I've ever seen him smile like that before." JJ commented, passing the picture to Pope. " Not going to lie, it was a little unsettling."

"He almost doesn't look like himself." Pope added.

"He wasn't. Not last Midsummer. Wheezie snuck up on us to take that photo. Nonna was catering so I went with her and mom instead of catching a ride with Rafe and Topper. Rafe was waiting for me at the back entrance. All he said was 'Sienna Franca Barba, how did I get so lucky.' and I just kind of laughed as I kissed him. That's when Wheezie took this."

John B took another Polaroid off the pile. It was also from the Midsummers party, because Wheezie and her damn camera wouldn't leave us alone for five minutes.

"This one's a good picture of you." John said, showing Kiara the small Polaroid image. In that one, I was sitting on the country club steps, my head on Rafe's shoulder. He'd asked Wheezie to take that one.

"I was having a panic attack, so I had just gone outside to get some air. I was watching the sun set. I had my earbuds in. I still remember the song. I wrote it on the back: It's Hard To Be Religious When Certain People Are Never Incinerated By Bolts Of Lightning by Mayday Parade."

"That's a long title." JJ interjected

"You tried to call your demo 'I Dropped My Blunt in the Sand and Now I'm Sad.' You sounded like a knock off of Wishful thinking era Neck Deep."

"I was just inside the door listening to my parents talk to a few people. Rafe was staring at you from afar. I thought Kelce was going to sucker punch him to get his attention back. " Kie smiled, passing the print back to me

"He came over to me and just freaking engulfed my with his giant noodle arms and he told me I was beautiful, then he said that he loved me. I could never bring myself to say it back."

"If you guys were that happy, what went wrong?" John B asked

"The drugs. The day things started to go downhill, I woke up in his bed, completely alone. I got up and I looked at myself in the mirror and I was horrified. I was covered in bruises from where he had gripped my waist too hard and some of the hickeys looked more like bite marks. In the moment, I guess I hadn't noticed. He was never rough, I was his princess. And he never got out of bed before I did. Waking up with me in his arms was his favorite feeling."

"Are you sure we're talking about the same Rafe Cameron?" JJ said before Pope slapped him in the bicep.

"I went downstairs and Rose just looked terrified that her son could have done this. I could hardly walk. I couldn't even look Rafe in the eye. He had no remorse. For the first time since we had started dating, he scared me."

John B pulled me closer as I started crying, still leafing through my little box of memories.

He kissed me gently, wiping a tear from my cheek.

"I want to know what exactly lead up to this picture." JJ chuckled, holding up a print of me and Rafe wrestling on my living room floor.

I chuckled, nodding towards my book case. "He wouldn't give me my book back."

"That definitely ended in sex."

"Piss off."

"He really changed, didn't he?" Pope said, looking through more of the pictures. Ones from when were happy.

"That's what drugs do, Pope. By the time we were through, I barely recognized him."

"Why did you stay as long as you did?" Kiara asked gently.

"I kept thinking he'd change. In the end, the cocaine was more of a priority than I was."