Becoming First Lead

xii what to do

NIKKI'S POV

Last night.... I'm not sure what to make of it. Something as simple as a dinner turned into a confession . And if I'm being genuine with myself , I want to explore whatever it is between Alex and I.

But then , what do I do about Austin ? He's literally the perfect man . Any woman would be so lucky to claim him , heck, I wish I could be that woman . However, there's been this silent longing I hadn't realized I've been experiencing with Alex until the last few days.

Hell, we've been hanging out and cuddling like it's no big deal, when in fact , it is. Everytime he held me in his arms my troubles melted away.  I felt safety within his hug and now I know this isn't one-sided. Do I love him? Yes but I'm not sure the depth or intensity yet . Not until..... no , I can't think about that right now . I need to figure it out and need to make sure I'm not stringing innocent hearts along with me. I've never been that type and I don't plan on starting now.

First things first before I make decisions . I mean I know what I'm feeling and wanting . I hold my phone pulling up Alex's messages and type out:

Hey , can I see you today?

Alex responds back rather quickly , saying we can meet for lunch if I'm free. This is perfect, the sooner the better . I would go there now under the guise of breakfast but I have to be thoughtful in how the conversation is going to go. How I want it go.

Time seems to stall as the ticks of my clock notch slowly . I try to busy myself by finishing up my project and sending it in for the final approval . Even with that, I thought I had taken ample amount of time cleaning up whatever needs to be perfected , time still moves at snail pace.

Is it because I know I'm going to have an important lunch with one of the most ,if not the most, important person to me ?  When did things become to complicated? Maybe I'm overthinking it .

Shaking the negative out of my head , I decide to jump in the shower . Something relaxing and soothing to wash away some of the stress that's been building in me since Alex left last night .

Once I'm dressed, I applied a light layer of my tinted moisturizer and some mascara. I don't want to do myself up for a lunch and more so, I don't want a full beat sliding off my face from the nerves I'm feeling. By the time I grab my shoes the clock on my wall is reading 10 minutes to lunch.

I must have been in the shower longer than I thought , so I rush out of my building and head towards Alex's office . Needing to resign in my anxiousness, I take a deep breath before going inside .

The security guards know me by now as they wave me through. "Nicole , it's so good to see you . Alex is already waiting for you and told us to let you in as soon as you came," the older guard says .

"Thank you!" I beam at him making a mental note to bring some extra treats for them when I come by again.

The elevator doors open and I step in, feeling a bit more fidgety than before . It's like the nerves are gradually building and I have no idea why . I've been here enough, I've had lunch with Alex a lot . So this isn't new, yet it feels like it . Twisting my fingers into each other , I try to remind myself to relax. 

That worked for five seconds before the doors chimed open and my heart began to beat into my ears . Why am I like this ? I slowly make my way to the end of the room where his office is before I'm greeted by a few workers on the floor. We chat for a second and then I continue on.