Reincarnated From Vanity

Autobiography

Before I write any further I must state that I was never eager to write this.
A person who would much rather prefer writing about other things than oneself.
But I've come to agree on one thing, that such writhings of mine would do me some good.
My hope that future me would laugh and cry about the adventures I had when I first came here, when I was still naive and ignorant.
Setting myself up for nostalgia.
Forgive me if I come sounding unbearable.

Also,...

Here on my Journal;
on which I plan to write on regular intervals,
Should I be long gone; would least a figment of myself remain.

So....
My previous name was Takashi Maeda.
My mother raised me as a single parent, and took great pains on doing so.
Never did I ever caught her whine or turn bitter.
What a strong person she was.
What kept her going?
I'll be ashamed if I proposed myself.

Perhaps the strongest person I'll ever meet.
That hard working spirit I wish to emulate.

Just too damn bright.
Dispite my father irresponsibility...
Her words to always remember my lost father echos...
Wish I to protest?
I'm out done.

God bless her soul.

Though she was a sort of childlike to begin with, almost naive to towards others, she would tell no lie.
I wish she did.

She wouldn't be tricked as much by others.
She was the true dere dere.
...albeit tragic.
Even till the ripe age of 39.

She was always cheerful...
, regardless whether or not she had enough to pay for electricity.

Or when we ate restaurant scraps for dinner.
(I mean those aged dried chicken nuggets were my childhood delight)

Or when we had to sell our house?
...Trice over.

Perhaps it was her upbringing?
She was from a poorer upbringing.
The past I know not

Perhaps this might be child's play for her.
Such were strong old folks before me...

And child me?
I thought it was the norm.
Hehe

I consider my application on an established university a miracle.
Scholarships were life line.
Though I consider myself average.

As continued on, graduation came.
I'm happy for my mother to have at least live long enough to see me here.

On to a good paying salary.
On to late nights and early schedules.
On to long hours and longer paychecks.

...
...

Her death should have made me question myself.

Idiot!
Fool!
Mentally Retarded!
Morally blind!
Why for did I worked so hard?
What purpose.
Whom shall prosper then?

Nothing...
Silence...

I wish I had hug her more.
I wish I had hug her tighter.
I wish I had hug her longer.
Kiss her and tell her that I love her.
Smell her sweet faint scent.

Look her in the eyes and then mull over every nuance of her face.

So that her impression may last longer in my feeble memory.
So that I feel less lonely all those years...
So this burden may have some warrant.

...
...

Ironically.
A curse to man.
Man does not do what is good for man; Nay not even to himself.

Man does what is familiar; this is his folly.

Haha...
And I died an old age.
No wife no less.
I'm an apathetic machine.
And instead of end.
A new body.
A new chance.