12 Days of Christmas

Part 9 - Sweater Weather

Kara and Lena have the "kid talk" after just a few weeks of dating. It feels like it's going somewhere, like that somewhere could be forever, and Kara has learned from Alex's misstep. So she asks, asks Lena thoughts about having kids. The response is, "Hard pass." It's disappointing but not surprising. It's not that Lena doesn't like kids. She dotes on Ruby and smiles wistfully at children in the park. It's just, for all the words one would use to describe Lena Luthor, maternal isn't high on the list.

That's why, the first time Clark and Lois bring Jon to visit, and the baby spends more time being held or bounced around by Lena, Kara is at a loss. She's already come to terms with not having kids of her own. She's not even sure she can physically have them (though the Clark/Lois pregnancy raises questions). It's just that her life redefines complicated, and adding a baby to it would be a challenge she isn't sure she's up to yet. So she's accepted Lena's answer, accepted that a life with Lena means not being a mom, and she's okay with that.

When Alex and Kelly adopt, Kara is ecstatic. Aiden is a beautiful little boy, and if anyone is more excited than she (not counting Kelly, Alex, and Eliza), it's Lena. Much like the Jon situation, Lena takes every opportunity for childcare offered to her and looks for more chances. When baby Christine (named after Kelly's mother) is born through IVF, Lena is first in line to hold the baby, and she makes an unconditional offer for future babysitting. It's a real head scratcher.

About six months later, Kelly and Alex take Lena up on that offer. They take an actual honeymoon (their first attempt having been interrupted by an alien invasion), and their plan to have Eliza babysit falls through when Eliza breaks her arm. Lena swoops in, and Kara and Lena have a week of children. Kara expects that children in large doses may prove less appealing to her new wife. Lena likes structure and order, and children are beings of chaos, but Lena proves her wrong. Oh, she keeps the children to a schedule with meals, baths, and bedtime, but there is more laughter in the house, a lot of it Lena's, than Kara has ever heard. On the last night the children will be with them, Lena sits on the couch with three-year old Aiden in her lap and Christine asleep in her arms and reads aloud. As Aiden dozes off, Kara and Lena's games meet, and Kara fully understands the word bliss.

That night, with Lena curled up into her, Kara finally has to ask, "Why did you say you didn't like children?"

Lena stiffens and rolls over with a look of honest confusion on her face. "When did I say that?"

"When we were dating. We talked about kids, and you said, 'Hard pass.' I just... Lena, I respect your choices, and I love our life just like it is, but I've never seen you happier than when you're with kids."

"Oh, I think you've seen me a little bit happier." Her voice is an octave low, her smile slow and sexy as she pulls herself closer to Kara. "You could see me that happy right now if you want."

"Lena, I'm being serious."

"So am I, but if you're not interested, let's get some sleep. Our niece and nephew are early risers."

She rolls over, and Kara lays in silence for several minutes, but Lena doesn't fall asleep. Lena's still, but breathing doesn't slow and neither does her heartbeat. It might fool a human, but Kara can see the tension. After all this time together, she can practically hear her wife think.

"I'm sorry," Kara whispers. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I just want you to be happy."

That's all it takes for Lena to roll back over, the cradle Kara's face in her palm. "I am. I'm happier with you than I ever thought I could be. Our life together is perfect."

"I agree but kids—"

"Drop that, Kara. I'd be an awful mother, so just drop it."

That's a revelation Lena has never shared before. It's always been, 'not for me; and 'hard pass', usually with a little laugh, but fear about her parenting is new. It deserves exploring.